That First Blow

"How that first failure , comes as the cruelest blow to you , and how it takes so many of such falls ..to build a rise so tall ...that goes beyond any disappointments"

A blow in your gut
That knocks it all out
All that air
All that sensation

A tentative end to the world
Atleast to life ..as you knew it
The world crashed down at your feet
Your world ...just another unacknowledged blotch

All peering eyes
Seem to be smirking
Mocking your pride
Mocking whatever might be left of it

All intellect lost
All arenas shut down
No place to run
To hide that ghoulish pallor on your face

That pallor that defines a failure
The very first you've had
The only one you needed
To drop you head-first with a thud

The sting of your first downfall
The ignominy of your unabashed prodigal
The disappointment of that seemingly final dereliction
Spear through your very being ..through any chance of rebounding

To see it all wash away
By that one "happening"
To witness it all slip out
And fail to cling on to it

Drops you low
Lower beyond wonder
Beyond the limits of introspection
Beyond the hope of rising again

The blow of that first failure
The blow that knocks it all out
The blow that also might
Feel like the end of it all

The probable finality of it ..would though
Teach you in a month or two
How "the end" is never the ultimate
There'll always be a new begining

A reinstatement of your person
A rehabilitation ...
That renders you stronger
With an all time high on the perseverance

Again you'll fall ...with less hopelessness
And then will come a fall
Beyond which the rise
Will be the mightiest

The mightiest ...The firmest
The one that'll endure all falls
The one that'll ignore all failures
For which disappointment will bring hope

Then you'd have achieved "life"
And then would you be ready for The Ultimate..

Author's Note

"Written in a hurry, so there might be grammar problems. Please point them out.
Critiquing the emotion and its expression is also welcome"

Reviews

[Mr. Revan]

1st off line 11.. i believe "you" should be "your"

for being written in a hurry, this piece is excellent.

if i could refer to your piece "suicidal musings", i'd say the 'falling down' in this is a reason for the thought. but when someone rises again, most of the time they are smarter, wiser even. mistakes come less, and if they occur, its just another experience of life

[The Perfectionist]

Spelling catch in the second stanza. 'At least' is two words, not one.

Your grammar is mostly fine here, nothing to worry about. You've abandoned rhyme for this one (thank God) and it works that much better because of it. Your flow is one of the best that I've ever seen of your work, but then we come to the language. I've accused you of showing off before, but this is just taking it too far. "Ghoulish pallor"? Seriously? I don't think I've ever heard the word pallor ever used in conversation ever. Raises the question of how I knew what it meant, but no matter.

It's great that you have an extensive vocabulary, but if you use it too heavily, you're going to distract from the impact of the poem with all the big, complicated words.

[Dev]

Very well written. I agree.. Shows how no matter how hard the blow, we should have the courage to get up dust off and start all over