Dark Voices Inside

“Heed to that noise
Piercing the ear drums
Searing the unconscious thoughts
Something is prowling inside
It will be released
This dream of a reality
Will become pure actualities
Starving that goodness
Drown the ability to care”

No, I will not let you in
I am stronger than you
Please, someone get it out
The dark voices inside me
Bursting to escape
I must hold on

“Shhhhh, relax the mind
Listen to friends
These words will not hurt
They will help grow
Festering a realistic image”

Reviews

[Craba]

Wow such a powerful image in this. Deep and well expressed

[Personne]

"Listen to friends." Like peer pressure I assume? Haha, I can relate, easily. Also, the whole thing, the dark underbelly of society feels like it is easier to join than the righteous one. Of course, I'd rather take the path less traveled by. Great write, I really love the other person kind've speaking to you, trying to persuade you. Just, a really awesome poem, I think. Makes me want to stay good.

[Kenaz]

Better to stray to the light. This poem is soundly written, a call and answer to the dark voices. I don't think quotation marks are necessary here though, italics might be better. You do what you please however.

[Ees]

Oooh, I don't know if you realized how hard the first and last stanzas are hard to read in that gray color on the white screen. You might want to change it, literally so readers eyes don't have to strain just to read... That said, I have strong eyes and I am going in!

In the very first line: "that" should prob be "those"

I really enjoy these two lines:
"This dream of a reality
Will become pure actualities"

The second stanza is amazing! It is so solid and has a really, honest, pleading sound to it! wonderful!

The last stanza is well written, solid. I don't know how solid the concept of listening to friends is, that is something I rarely do unless they are telling a joke, but, eh...

Nice job,
have fun,
Erin

[Rufus "Mr Blaque" Lacy, Jr]

Thanks, on this site things appear allot lighter then my blog, that is weird.

[Ees]

Oooh, I don't know if you realized how hard the first and last stanzas are hard to read in that gray color on the white screen. You might want to change it, literally so readers eyes don't have to strain just to read... That said, I have strong eyes and I am going in!

In the very first line: "that" should prob be "those"

I really enjoy these two lines:
"This dream of a reality
Will become pure actualities"

The second stanza is amazing! It is so solid and has a really, honest, pleading sound to it! wonderful!

The last stanza is well written, solid. I don't know how solid the concept of listening to friends is, that is something I rarely do unless they are telling a joke, but, eh...

Nice job,
have fun,
Erin