Takers

Describing the feelings and emotions felt the moment the proverbial straw lands on the camel's back

Lately, I find myself  frustrated and infuriated!

I know that this may sound selfish, however, it seems anytime I ever have anything good in my life someone wants to take it or break it.

The takers, take more and more each day

Money, jobs, love, life, souls, and spirit

I have repeatedly lowered my head and accepted this fate throughout the years of my life.

I have wearily smiled and pushed it all deep down inside so no one would know...no one would see

My smile is slowly starting to crack, as it has finally been stretched too tight

The once thick skin is starting to rip and tear

The graciousness and acceptance that everyone expects gets less and less as the sands of the hourglass pour

"It is what it is, what is meant to be will be"

This old adage I have lived by doesn't seem to work anymore

I have decided that I will not be accepting of my fate as if I have no control

I sit here reflecting upon myself and am surprised to find myself angry

...mad to the very core of my inner being!

I am angry at me, I am angry at you!

The anger grows as each overstep of boundaries is made

As each insult is thrown, with every disrespectful glance or text,

Each and every one of the blantant jabs and unrealistic expectations that are thrown at me cause the anger to build

The presumption of authority taken by those who have none

The arrogance that is flaunted

The priviledges expected and the selfishness when it comes to children is shocking

I can not and I will not just bow my head

I am not that amiable anymore it seems.

Don't make the mistake and take my kindness for the weakness I have shown to you all most of my life

I am the whipped, beaten dog who has finally had enough

I want to snap, I want to bite, I want to make you hurt

The same that has been done to me through all the years

Part of me wants to be you, to have the freedom to not think or process the consequences of my actions upon others

I fight for my dignity, my manners.

I fight to remain refined, well bred, cultivated, polished, proper, respectable, seemly, well mannered, cultured, sophisticated, elegant, modest; all of the words I was raised being taught a lady must be.

Internally, I war over taking a stand and finding the proper way to say proudly...I am better than this

I deserve more than this. I will not be pushed around, taken advantage of or disrespected anymore

I find myself pushed, pulled, tugged, and twisted in all directions with everyone elses wants and needs

What about me??? As selfish as that may be..What about me?

When is it about me, when will my feelings be considered?

I try to take everyone's feelings into consideration,

I try to be non biased and look in to all situations from the outside

I try to think how someone else may feel and to respect them and their feelings as much as possible even at the detriment of my own.

When is it my turn...to just have my feelings taken into consideration.

Is that too much to ask?  Just once to not have to put in a request...maybe just once for it to be done without a reminder of what is right

Why the jabs about what I have to offer?

Is offering myself not enough? Surely no one would want just me...Is what you are saying???

The innuendos are thrown repeatedly!

It must be what I give, or supposedly have to offer!

Surely, I should realize that I have nothing else to share

Clearly, I should understand that I have nothing else to ante up

The insults thrown without a second thought given

Self centered reasons with no consideration except what you may gain

When do the selfish people who drop in and out of my life stop, take a look around and say "Wow, I'm so sorry, I didn't even realize..."

Do unto others...the way I live and always have

Pay it forward has been my motto, my goal, my life

Most in our world are takers...they take trust, they take love, take money, take peace and quiet,

take lives, take property, take time...Takers

The good, honest, loyal people are almost extinct

I have given all I can, money, time, love, patience, respect trust and it is not enough, never is it enough

So take from me at your own risk

Tread lightly my friends

I am still me with a dose of you...

I am like the injured animal ready to defend their life

I am the hourglass holding on to the last drop of sand

I am the storm that refuses to stop raining

I am the night fighting the light

I am the Lion struggling to stay king of his jungle

I am me...I am you

I am the worker ready to defend her job

I am the mom, ready to defend my child

I am the lover ready to defend her love

I am you...I am me

I will now defend me as strongly as I have defended you...

Think and pray on that my friends