My Paradox

It sounds so selfish to say but sometimes I feel like I am alone and lost. I look around and in the shadows of my life is where I feel my true self is lurking. The pressure of day to day life feels immense at times. Too many decisions, too much responsibility, too much heart ache, too much loneliness, too many secrets of life tucked away...From time to time I find myself spread just a tad too thin. I shrink back into the comfort of the darkness and shadows of my mind.

In reality, I am surrounded by loving family and friends. I am truly blessed with the strength and support that I am given from people in my life. Most have family that you are born into and they may feel a requirement to stand strong for you...I have family that became my family, not born in to their world, crept in slowly over time and found myself wrapped into the loving folds of their life. So many people over a span of a lifetime that have helped without reason, stood strong without question and repeatedly have had my back when times have been tough. The lessons of loyalty have been repeated from people more than not. This is my reality...blessed is truly the place I am.

Yet, still at times in the recesses of my mind, I get lost. The shadows of the past lurk at the near surface of my existence and I feel sad, overwhelmed even. I feel extreme loss of loved ones taken way too soon. I can’t seem to see the forest for the trees during these periods. Being chased by shadows, ghost and memories through the dark corners of my mind.

What a paradoxical way to live.