The Voice Of Darkness (CHAPTER 1)

read it yourself it is horrifying

One lonley night. A young boy, around 7 years was on his way up the stairs to go to bed. He got into his bed, the his mom and dad came in. Gave him a kiss, a hug, and then tucked him in. The two parents turned off the lights, shut the door, then left the room. To the young boy, it was way too dark. So he got up to turn on his night-light. Then, all of the sudden, he heard a strange creeking noise coming from under his bed. He got very scared. So he went and hid in his closet. Then the noise stoped. So the boy came out. Then the night light was flickering. But since it was a Joker night-light, it was flashing a big...and scary shadow. Then, it stopped. Everything was very still. Then the night-light went out, and it was all very dark. And the boy herd a deep and raspy voise coming from under his bed. "Come here my child", it said. "Who are you, said the boy? The voice didnt answer. So the young boy thought it was over. Untill he got back into bed. Then he heard the voice again. "Come here my child". But this time it seemed closer then before. Then the voice said it again. But this time it sounded like it was coming from about 5 feet away from his bed. So he ducked his head under his covers and thought it went away. He Heard it again, "Come here my child". Now, it sounded really close. So the boy said, "Who are you". Then he peaked his head out of the covers to look. It jumped and grabed him and said..."YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE"!!!!

Reviews

[Bexfinch]

nice editting i like it

[Maria]

I love this story ver awsome!

[The Perfectionist]

It's not a bad idea, an old-fashioned scare, but your sense of pacing is way off. Everything happens too quickly; the reader doesn't have a chance to get scared. By the time you set the mood, the chapter is over. Slow it down, space it out, and then you'll have something really good. Jump out scares don't work as well in text as they do on the screen, so you have to account for that.

[Bexfinch]

needs lots of detail good idea though : )

[Twistd1]

Reminded me of when my Aunt would come to visit- She got the pleasure of tucking us in- an always with a 'version' of her famously created 'characters'. To this day, I don't let my feet hang over the bed, and all closet doors are closed. lol :) It brought a smile as I reflected. Thanks!

[tora]

Thank you

[Samuel Dickens]

It was a long time ago, but I used to be that scared boy. Every creak I heard and every shadow I saw became some kind of boogeyman. Good job, Moira.