European stories

Branko is still gone. He started making business deals in restaurants, like most private businessmen. What would it be like if they brought their wives to the same restaurant and they’d talk about perfumes and creams at the other table? Even though we wouldn’t be able to hear what they‘re talking about, we’d definitely have bad influence on their concentration. Isn’t the point of negotiation that one side makes the wrong decision so that the other side can win? Yes, it is, but they would probably be mute in our presence and couldn’t make a deal. Then, it’s better this way. I’ll read the European stories and let him do the negotiations.

When Djordje was in the third grade of elementary school he was walking down the Imperial road along the Uvac River, as many caravans did before the Turks came to Serbia. Walking wouldn’t be a problem, but what was left from the Imperial were few stones and chiseled rocks which served for widening the old road. Going along the overgrown road was no different than making a new one, so after several years he made his own Imperial road towards the school which was not as winding as its original. He made short movies in his young head, where he and Griffon Vultures would fly over the abyss, during which he touched their wings. When he finished elementary school, his wish came true. However, each wish has its price.

Griffon Vulture has been bringing people together for centuries; either on the coat of arms of Nemanjic dynasty, or by making people look up into the sky and temporarily forget about quarrels and disagreements. No one would believe that a miracle happened and that the locals of a village by the Imperial road were in a quarrel over that bird for five years. Anyway, miracles don’t happen so often, so once in a while they are to be accepted as such.

The village became more and more deserted and the locals were so discontented with state support that they decided to take the matter into their own hands. They renovated the school from the kingdom period at their own expense and thus reduced the trouble over sending children to schooling, and they were no longer afraid that children would stay in the city as soon as they finished school, which happened earlier. They solved their problem, but when they realized that their children were suffering, since there was no road to school, they decided to deal with that problem as well. They addressed the local authorities and asked for help, but they sent them to one of the European non profitable organizations which were always ready to help. This time it was the organization which fought for preservation of rare bird species in Europe, Griffon Vulture being one of them. The organization proposed a model in which both the locals and the birds would benefit, and if the birds had benefit - the organization had benefit. All they needed to do for the next five years was to sacrifice one calf every two weeks for the population of Griffon Vulture and the asphalt road would connect the whole village to the school. The only condition for the following five years was that the Griffon population got used to the feeding place, which would be at the top of the village. If they got used to it, that would be a justification for building an asphalt road through the entire village and the organization would buy off the calves for the need of feeding the Griffons. Everyone did the math and realized that one hundred and twenty calves cost one hundred times less than the asphalt road. No one had doubts that the Griffons would be well fed, but half of the village had doubts in funds intentions and proposed that they cover the road, at least in the width of the path, so the children wouldn’t get muddy on the way to school. The other half trusted the fund, so the village was divided. There are a lot of villages with prefixes “upper” and “lower” and no one would be surprised if this village was divided in such a way, but in this case the village was divided into Serbian and European. Since miracles don’t happen so often, once in a while they are to be accepted as such.

 Thanks to the European part of the village, the project was successful. Each year, the experts observed the birds multiplying as expected. The last year of the project, fund’s delegation arrived to the village with the intention of fulfilling the promise. Since Djordje was the best at foreign languages, he led the fund delegation to the feeding place. They arrived to the plateau where they and the Griffins could see the entire village. Chief of the delegation started talking to the boy.

-  Why are they so quiet?

-  We have been feeding them for five years.

-  Wonderful. Go chase them, let’s see them fly.

The boy started running towards the Griffins but they didn’t run. Strange screams and neck movements showed the signs of being tamed. Delegation chief started running to the Griffins but they just came closer to each other and showed strange neck movements. Chief angrily stated that the wings of these noble birds atrophied and that Griffins turned into turkeys. In aggravation, the entire delegation went down the steep path which led out of the village.

Djordje closed his eyes, went slowly toward the abyss intending to fly high into the clouds. He was flying with his arms down, touching the wings of Griffin Vulture.

The locals stopped feeding Griffon Vultures and very soon the village lived in harmony. Bird lovers said that they saw new colonies of Griffons in Montenegro, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Croatia and Albania.

This guy writes short stories nicely. Imagination in abundance and a great sense of humor. Hmmm, he repeated himself. He wrote in two consecutive sentences about strange movements of the birds’ necks. However, it won’t be a problem for him to see that, and if he keeps on writing, he could easily impress me. Maybe he has a finished novel, and this is only a springboard. I’ll put you to the side, just in case. Let’s read on…

Some alien creatures, which people called Martians, even though they didn’t know which planet they were coming from, easily enslaved the Earth. By rays of unknown structure, they burned down several objects in major Earth cities and showed, in a human way, that they want a dialogue. Besides being human, they proved themselves to be honest, so they sent a letter to all the states in the world saying that their planet experienced a climate change and they could no longer grow cabbage, which was necessary for the survival of their species. Of course, they didn’t want to mislead anyone that the raw cabbage would be transported somewhere to space, so they emphasized that they actually needed a cultivated bacteria, which was a result of cabbage pickling. When they made sure that the Earth population wouldn’t abuse their humanity, they simultaneously sent their delegates to all the countries of the world, so that the Earth population couldn’t make strategies by negotiating. One delegate announced his arrival to Serbia. He only demanded that the president be alone at the Assembly at twenty two hundred hours, and he would show himself to him adequately.

At twenty two hours sharp, local time, alien knocked on the assembly door. The president knew who was coming, since the government circles knew it was coming, but not in the form of a human with headphones. While waiting for the creature, the president felt seven cold sweats, but when he saw it, he stopped sweating since all his life functions went down to a minimum. The alien started talking in Serbian.

-  My respect, Mister President, nice to see you.

-  Me … too �" the president managed to stutter.

-  I’d like to ask you to go for a walk around the city, and we’ll talk on the way.

-  I think it would be … better to talk in the assembly.

-  Why?

-  No one will interrupt our conversation.

-  I really don’t mind, and I would really like to see Belgrade. Are you afraid to walk around the city?

-  No, no, not at all.

-  You seem very frightened to me. I’ll make an invisible shield, so you will be safe. Let’s go.

They went for a walk. The president didn’t need a long time to go back to normal, since the alien started talking about sports. He admired Serbian sportsmen, which president really liked. The alien stopped at a shop window.

-  What lovely shoes.

-  Yes, yes, they are Italian.

They continued their walk in peace and harmony. The president relaxed as if he had a president of a neighboring state by his side. They stopped at the newsstand.

-  President, could you buy me a chewing gum; I am out of your money.

President just smiled and headed to the newsstand. He bought about a dozen of different chewing gums in order to please the alien. The president opened his hand and offered gums in great anxiety. He was afraid of touching him. The alien just took a look at the gums and added.

-  You are out of Bazooka Joe gums and those that look like cigarettes?

-  That is long in the past, try the imported ones, they are excellent.

-  No, thank you, I have already tried them.

The president was relieved, since if he asked for a sandwich next time, he could give it to him easily, without touching. They continued walking in peace and harmony. They stopped at the bookstore window. The alien was looking at the shop window for thirty seconds and kept on.

-  President, let’s cut to the chase.

-  I agree. .

-  All the cabbage we buy up will be paid in gold, since we have gold in abundance on our planet. We are aware of your capacities in cabbage production, so…

-  We can tenfold our cabbage production.

-  Don’t interrupt me while I am talking. I completed my mission here. I see that you produce nothing, even the European literature dominates in your bookstores. That’s why I decided to join you to the European Union. A factory for sauerkraut processing will be established in Germany. You shall be informed about the amount you are to deliver in due time…

-  But…

-  Be a democrat and do not interrupt me. My task is just to decide which center I should unite you to, and the centers and amounts have already been defined for the purpose of easy resource transportation. President, I shall leave you now. Have in mind that the shield doesn’t work anymore.

No one saw the alien coming to Serbia and the president was in cold sweat, so that he didn’t notice the alien disappear.

History books of all the countries around the world noted the date of aliens’ arrival on the Earth, and the Serbian history book finally noted the date of Serbia entering the European Union.

This one doesn’t have a good narration, but he hits right to the center. He is not dangerous, so he is ideal for this collection. Oh, my eyes are closing. No more stories for tonight, I could grade someone wrongly, and that wouldn’t be good.