Reversed Curve

Things aren't quite changing. The rain won't seem to pass. I used to think I could make it out of here without having to put my life on the line, but not anymore. Everything I've done up to this point in my life was supposed to be worth the struggle, and yet I feel so empty right now. I would have never come here if I knew I'd still end up bearing a heavier weight. Now everything is just so... meaningless. After all the promises, and after all those times I tried to be the better man, I understood all too well that this day would come. I knew I'd be abandoned like this, just as I've abandoned people in the past. I thought, by now, I should be used to this. I thought that, after the bad things that I've withstood before, nothing would be more painful now that I've gone numb. This is different. It hurts more than the totality of the bad things I've been through. I swear to God, it hurts. It really... f*cking hurts... I can't run from it... I can't even breathe... How the f*ck am I supposed to finish the job now? I was at the verge of losing my sanity, and you just had to be there to give me hope. I hated my job, but you just had to show your face and I had to go to work because I wanted to see you. I wanted to change... I wanted to get rid of these demons once and for good, as long as it meant I'd be able to at least be with you. I wanted to move on to be a better person for you... Now... I don't think I want to get up tomorrow.

Damn, I didn't think I'd be able to write like this again. Does that mean pain is... good?