1: Conflicting Quadrants

A Chapter by Caritatis

written by Keevan. revised version.

1: CONFLICTING QUADRANTS

Keevan Custos was conflicted.

She before had no quadrants filled. Her good friend Caritatis Solus, or Cari for short was the only troll she had known. She had been happy with that, and there were no problems. But then her hive burned down, her lusus guardian, Birddad, perishing in the fire. She had no choice but to mix within the community of the other trolls, something she really didn’t want to do. She was previously anti-social and preferred her privacy in the forest where no one ever walked by her hive except for Cari, of course.

So she mixed in. She met many of them, each one annoying but likeable in their own ways. The first troll she met was a troll who seemed to be infatuated with clowns, cheap bottles of soda, and pies made from the slime of sopor. His name was Gamzee Makara. Keevan liked him instantly and didn’t really understand why. She understood him better than she had anyone else. He later said that he felt the same about her, and soon her first quadrant was filled. They became moirails that would last up until the present day. Because Keevan didn't have a hive anymore, Gamzee had offered to share his hive with her.

“What are motherfuckin’ moirails for?” he had said. Keevan had then proceeded to tell him her issues with vulgar language and profanity.

“That’s cool,” Gamzee had replied. “I guess I can get used to that.”

Keevan later met Gamzee’s friend, Karkat Vantas. He was known for yelling a lot and being generally irritable, or at least passionately furious about mostly everything, wanting to be a leader and rise to superiority to make sure nobody messed up. Karkat wasn’t always an easy person to get along with, Keevan found out, but she had learned to ignore his flaws and ended up not minding him that much. In fact, he turned out to be a surprisingly dedicated friend and leader.

Keevan eventually met other trolls who weren’t very significant to her other than the occasional meeting along a path or mentioning in daily conversation with trolls she did talk to. There was one who she wasn’t particularly close to, but she was familiar with. His name was Eridan Ampora, and he was a seadweller that was often misinterpreted as a massive douchebag. Although at times it was true, Keevan knew that he only cared about certain things and trolls. She knew Cari even felt a little bit red for him, and he may have felt the same. Keevan had soon developed a normal hobby, knitting, and occasionally she would make a scarf for Eridan. He liked her scarves.

As the weeks went on, Keevan began to feel welcome with her newfound friends and enjoyed spending time with them. She became accustomed to how things worked and got used to Gamzee’s constant horn honking, pies, and Faygo bottles everywhere. It had become a daily routine every evening to clean up the empty bottles everywhere. Her relationship with Gamzee had always worked perfectly, and she wondered why she had never wanted another quadrant filled before. Perhaps living alone without knowing anyone else had caused it. She had never felt any desire towards the only troll she knew, at the time, Cari, so that had cut her out of options. She knew Cari felt red for someone else, anyway.

After a few sweeps of being together with Gamzee, Keevan had grown and adjusted. And of course, like young trolls commonly did, she had developed a quadrant problem. Karkat Vantas had caused that problem. Keevan felt something towards Karkat; something more than just a friendship with a sarcastic, overbearing troll. She felt strange about him, which drove her crazy. Keevan didn’t know what quadrant she felt more towards Karkat: white, red, black, or possibly even ash. She had been hoping for more of a flushed feeling, but the thought of Karkat being her matesprit didn't stomach well with her.

She had to confide in someone. Not Gamzee; he was too stoned at the moment to think about anything but clowns and miracles. He was probably napping with a bottle of Faygo tucked under his arm like a stuffed toy.

She decided to confide in Cari.

-- lovableLawlsquid [LL] began trolling consiliariusRabbit [CR] --

LL: cari

CR: heyy kee

CR: whaTs up?

LL: i need to confide in you on Something

LL: itS about karkat

CR: reallyy? whaT abouT him?

LL: uh well, itS Sort of a quadratic iSSue

CR: oh

CR: do yyou feel someThing oTher Than friendship for him?

LL: yeS but

LL: i fear Something elSe

LL: i don’t know how gam will react

CR: hm

CR: do yyou know whaT quadranT?

LL: i fear it might be a combination

LL: :S

CR: i should have expecTed such

CR: have yyou Told gamzee yyeT?

CR: abouT whaT yyou feel Towards karkaT?

LL: no.....

LL: itS Still confuSing me and to be honeSt

LL: im anxiouS about what will happen!

LL: iS it poSSible to have more than one in a quadrant without too much trouble???

CR: iTs raTher frowned upon to have more Than one Troll in a single quadranT wiThouT a sorT of consensual group of more Than Two

CR: jealousyy mayy arise

CR: and i wouldnT be surprised if some Trolls were killed

LL: oh dear god

LL: i hope it doeSn’t end up like that

LL: thiS iSn't good!

LL: i am Still not Sure if kar iS my moirail or mateSprit or kiSmeSiS or whatever!

LL: i don’t know what i'm feeling when I look at or think about kar

LL: how would gam react if it turnS out karkat iS my true moirail and not him?

LL: oh god i can hear the honking

CR: yyou should Talk To karkaT abouT This firsT

CR: and find ouT how he feels abouT everyyThing

CR: do yyou feel an inTimaTe connecTion wiTh him? or do yyou more piTyy him? or is iT more of a rivalryy?

LL: im afraid to talk to kar about it becauSe he can be real a*****e (Sorry about my language there) about junk and that might make thingS worSe becauSe of our rivalry

CR: so iT is a rivalryy?

LL: no! grr i didn’t mean it exactly like that >:S

LL: on the other hand

LL: i like talking with karkat when we’re not fighting about junk that doeSnt matter

LL: So maybe it really iS a combination???

LL: but if i REALLY had to Say, i think i feel red for him :S

CR: well i mean karkaT does make a huge s**T abouT everyyThing but yyou should sTill aTTempT To Talk To him

CR: i Think aside of him being difficulT he will undersTand

LL: okay, i’ll try that, thankS cari

LL: what do you think of kar?

CR: well

CR: myy opinion of him doesnT maTTer in This siTuaTion so id prefer noT To reallyy Talk abouT ThaT

LL: oh god

LL: you feel red for him aS well

LL: oh god oh god oh god

LL: I need a faygo

CR: no!

CR: i feel red for eridan yyou know ThaT

LL: whatS it like then

LL: any quadrantS at all?

LL: :S

CR: he refuses To Talk To me abouT quadranTs

CR: we have no quadranTs filled wiTh eachoTher alThough i have ThoughT abouT having whiTe feelings for him

CR: buT even if i did feel red for him

CR: iT wouldnT maTTer

CR: yyou have a chance wiTh him while he and i share no bond of piTyy

LL: how So?

CR: he Talks abouT yyou all The Time

CR: well

CR: when i Talk To him he alwayys menTions yyou

CR: he jusT doesnT know how To noT argue abouT everyyThing

LL: what kind of thingS doeS he Say

LL: how could i poSSibly get pulled up in a converSation between the two of you?

CR: he Talks abouT how hes sure ThaT gamzee will hurT yyou or someThing byy yyou Two being moirails

CR: he preTends To be sarcasTic buT hes alwayys blabbering on abouT iT

CR: i Think he feels bad for yyou

LL: i dont underStand why gam would hurt me...

LL: i dont really underStand anything about thiS anymore

LL: i gueSS i could troll kar and hope he’S not SarcaStic and Shouty as uSual

CR: yyou should Talk To him and see if he feels The same wayy ThaT yyou do

LL: okay, i will

LL: i hope he replieS on trollian

LL: he uSually doeS

CR: good luck

-- lovableLawlsquid [LL] ceased trolling consiliariusRabbit [CR] --

Keevan stared at her computer screen. She felt nervous but also a bit hopeful, excited, and embarrassed. She thought of Karkat. He always had...a look about him, she supposed. He really showed his emotions and wasn't afraid of showing them. Keevan grinned, finding Karkat’s Trollian name. He was online.

-- lovableLawlsquid [LL] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

LL: karkat

CG: GETTING TROLLED BY YOU AGAIN, I SEE.

CG: TELL GAMZEE I’M NOT BRINGING HIM ANY F*****G FAYGO.

CG: YOU CAN DO THAT, SINCE YOU'RE HIS ACTUAL MOIRAIL AND YOU SHOULD BE ACTING LIKE IT.

LL: that’S not what i want to talk about, kar

LL: thiS iS SeriouS

CG: HOW SERIOUS?

CG: I’M PRETTY GODDAMN BUSY.

LL: it haS to do with

LL: how do i put thiS

LL: . . . . .

CG: OUT WITH IT.

CG: WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY HAVE TO SAY TO ME THAT’S HARD TO TYPE??

LL: thiS iS hard for me!

LL: juSt Shut up So i can type thiS out and not feel judged until after itS out there!

CG: . . . . . . . .

CG: FINE.

CG: I’LL WAIT.

LL: good

LL: now, what i wanted to Say to you waS

LL: that i

LL: might feel a bit

LL: red towardS you

CG: . . .

LL: . . . . . . . . .

LL: i'm Sorry

-- lovableLawlsquid [LL] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

Keevan shut down her computer so she couldn’t see what Karkat had to say. Hot tears welled in her eyes and she wiped them furiously away with one of her gloves. Her favorite pair; they were purple and grey and had a kind of plaid pattern to them. She focused on nothing but the grey and quickly took her gloves off, throwing them on the floor and stomping on them while still seated at her desk.

There was a knock on her open door and Gamzee casually strolled in, his makeup kind of messed up on one side. He had probably just woken up from a nap.

“What’s the problem, Kee?” he asked, bending down and getting the gloves from underneath her foot. “I thought these were your favorite.”

“I don't want to talk about it,” Keevan said, wiping the tears from her eyes with her sleeve. “Go make some pies or something, Gam.”

“You’re crying,” Gamzee pointed out. “Tell me what happened, sis.”

He casually sat down on the floor in front of her desk chair. To make the conversation more comfortable, Keevan got out of her chair, pushed it back, and sat crosslegged in front of Gamzee. She didn’t know how to start. She felt stupid and embarrassed by what she had done. Oh, Cari would get an earful for encouraging her to do something so stupid!

“Were you getting trolled or something?” Gamzee asked when Keevan wouldn’t say anything. Keevan shook her head and said, not meeting Gamzee’s gaze, “I...was talking to Karkat, and I, um...” She seemed to lose her voice halfway through.

“You admitted you feel red for him,” Gamzee finished for her. Her head snapped up. “How did you know?”

“I could see it in your eyes whenever you talked to him,” he said, grinning. “Pretty wicked, finding your matesprit.”

“Does he...” Keevan began, feeling silly asking the question. “Does Kar feel the same way?” Gamzee winked. “Miraculous, isn’t it?”

Keevan could feel her cheeks getting warm. She was completely relieved, slightly embarrassed, and a bit guilty as well for shutting down her computer before she could see Karkat’s reply.

“Gam,” Keevan said.

“Huh?”

“Can I have my gloves back?” she asked, grinning a bit and holding out her hand for her gloves, which Gamzee was still holding. Grinning, he handed them back to her. They were okay, despite a bit of dirt from the bottom of her shoe.

There was a pounding downstairs on the front door.

“That’s probably for you,” Gamzee said, standing up with a smile. He helped Keevan up and said, “You’d better go answer the door.”

Smiling as well, Keevan nodded and quickly ran downstairs to the front door, her heart pounding a mile a minute. She knew who it was before she even opened the door. When she did open it, Karkat stood there a moment, and then launched forward, hugging her tightly.

“Kar,” Keevan said quietly, faltering back a step, locked in Karkat’s embrace. She felt tears leak from her eyes again, but these were tears of joy this time. Karkat didn’t say anything for once. Keevan hugged him back, ignoring the fact that she felt Gamzee staring at them from the stairs, a grin on his face.

She knew that Karkat felt red for her, too.

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