12

12

Monday had arrived too quickly. However, school that day had gone by over a span that seemed like forever. The final bell had rung and everyone was gathering their things to go home. Karkat would head to the library like usual. He was a little anxious, considering that he would see Keevan again there. After Friday night, he had avoided everyone at all costs. He hadn’t returned home on Saturday until late into the night when his mother was asleep. She was out of the house all Sunday, so Karkat stayed home on his computer. Now it was Monday and he would have to return home after the library.

“Hi, Karkat,” came Keevan’s pleasant voice from behind Karkat. He quickly turned around from his locker, his shoulders tensed from surprise.

“Hey,” Karkat replied hesitantly, holding tight on his backpack strap. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m about to go to the library,” Keevan said, smiling. “Do you want to walk there together?”

Karkat gulped, thinking for a moment whether he wanted to walk with her all the way there. He might’ve been just going to embarrass himself by walking there with her. But he suddenly remembered that Keevan had called herself his friend. Wouldn’t it have been appropriate to walk together, as friends?

“Uh, sure,” he blurted. Keevan grinned.

“Great!” she said happily. “Let’s get going. My shift starts at three-thirty today.”

Keevan walked beside Karkat as they headed to the front doors of the school. A few people waved or said goodbye to Keevan as she passed them. Karkat kept his head down, afraid that he would embarrass Keevan by her being seen with him. But Keevan seemed perfectly happy with walking with him. Karkat felt his heartbeat quicken when he looked at Keevan smiling as they headed down the sidewalk towards the library and off school grounds. Keevan looked over and caught him staring.

“You stare a lot, don’t you?” she asked lightly, giggling. Karkat blushed deeply and glanced away.

“Sorry,” he muttered.

“It’s okay, Karkat. But you know that I have a boyfriend, right?”

Karkat’s heart skipped a beat. He almost retched. There was a sudden wave of anger that swept over him.

“Yeah, I know that,” he said angrily. “You don’t have to tell me. I don’t like you like that, anyway!”

“It’s okay if you do, Karkat,” Keevan said to him gently, “just remember that I’m already with Jack.”

Karkat ground his teeth together and clenched his fists. He quickened his pace as they continued down the sidewalk. They were almost to the library, considering that it was fairly close to their school.

“I know,” Karkat hissed. “I don’t like you. I’m done talking about this, alright?”

“Alright,” Keevan said, backing off a bit. “I’m...sorry if I upset you, Karkat.”

Karkat looked at her and saw that she was a bit hurt by his anger. He sighed and rubbed one of his eyes.

“No, I’m sorry,” he muttered. “I shouldn’t get so angry at you.”

“It’s okay,” Keevan said quietly. They were both silent for a long time as they approached the library.

 

“Do you need any help with your homework?” Keevan asked Karkat, sitting beside him at a table. The library had almost emptied out by 4:30 and Keevan only had half an hour of her shift left.

“No,” Karkat said, shaking his head. “I finished it.”

“Oh?” Keevan asked, a bit surprised. “Why are you still here, then? You can go if you want; you don’t have to wait for me.”

“I’m in no hurry to get home,” Karkat muttered.

“Is everything alright with your mom?”

“No idea.”

“You’re always welcome to stay at my house again, Karkat,” Keevan said, touching his shoulder gently. “My doors are always open. I let my old friend Gamzee stay at my house all of the time when he fights with his parents.”

Karkat froze. Did Keevan just say...Gamzee?

“Who?” he asked quickly, thinking that he must have heard her wrong.

“Gamzee Makara,” Keevan repeated. “He’s eighteen, he’s in a local band here, sometimes wears clown makeup. He’s really friendly.”

Karkat dropped his gaze. He had heard her correctly. She was friends with him. Gamzee Makara.

“He stopped by my house on Friday night, when you were sleeping,” Keevan continued. Karkat’s eyes widened. “But he left when I told him you were staying in the guest room. He acted...strange when I mentioned you. Do you two know each other?”

Karkat suddenly felt a pulse of fury as he suddenly remembered Gamzee and the awful things he had done to Karkat that ruined his life. He had tried so hard to forget about Gamzee, about the horrifying memories and the years he suffered through because of him. Karkat’s blood felt like it would start to boil. Karkat slammed his fists on the table and stood up.

“I would never want to know such a motherfucking careless, brainless, hopeless piece of utter wasted s**t like Gamzee Makara!” Karkat screamed. Keevan’s eyes were wide and her mouth hung open. She was speechless and taken aback, staring at Karkat as hot, salty tears began spilling over his cheeks. His breath was heavy and broken. He unclenched his fists slowly.

“Yes, we...know each other,” Karkat said in a tiny voice, “too well.”

“Karkat...” Keevan whispered, still looking shocked and concerned. “Did something...did something happen between you two?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Karkat muttered, wiping his eyes furiously and quickly grabbing his backpack. He slung it over his shoulder and started running towards the front of the library.

“Karkat, please wait!” Keevan called, running after him. She caught him by his hand, and he stopped. She said quietly, “You can talk to me.”

Karkat sniffled and wiped his eyes again. He still trembled with anger. After he didn’t speak for a long time, Keevan pulled him by his hand into a soundproof reading room on the west side of the building. She sat him down on one of the lounge chairs, and she sat on the arm, holding his hand gently.

“Karkat, it’s alright to be angry,” she whispered, shushing him. “Just...just calm down, tell me what’s wrong. It’ll be okay.”

“No,” Karkat growled, angrily sniffing back tears. “I don’t want to calm down. I don’t want to talk! There’s nothing to say!”

“Just tell me what happened with Gamzee. I won’t tell him we talked, Karkat, I promise.”

Karkat paused and tried to catch his breath after crying so suddenly. He was trying to stop from shaking so violently, as well. He took in a breath and looked up at Keevan, who was worriedly looking at him and patting his hand comfortingly. He felt a bit calmer looking at her.

“Gamzee and I...” he started, his voice cracking on Gamzee’s name, “we were good friends, a few years ago. He was pretty much the only guy that tolerated me. I guess he was my best friend, you could say.”

“What happened, then?” Keevan asked softly. Karkat found his words stuck in his throat. He wouldn’t say anything or reply in any way to Keevan. He looked at his feet and felt the anger creeping up on him again slowly. Keevan squeezed his hand. Karkat snapped.

“He killed my dad,” Karkat burst out, tensing up immensely. Keevan took her hand back. He didn’t look up at her. He clenched his fists and began shaking again. Gamzee Makara had killed his father and now Karkat had to remember every grueling detail because he had to be friends with Keevan Khan.

“What?” Keevan said in a small voice.

“You heard me,” Karkat growled. “Gamzee killed him. Or at least…he was the reason that he died. He ran into the street in front of my dad’s car and made him swerve out of the way and crash. My dad didn’t even live through the impact. He was dead right away.”

Keevan gasped and put a hand over her mouth, her eyes watering. Karkat choked back a strangled sob and continued.

“I saw the whole thing,” Karkat whispered, feeling his anger dissolve into an empty sadness. “I couldn’t even tell the police when they asked me what happened. I was too afraid that Gamzee would have been put in jail.”

He dropped his head.

“But now I just wish I would have told them the truth so he would’ve been put away for what he did.”

He lifted his head slowly and looked up at Keevan, who looked on the verge of tears. She was at a loss for words.

“K...Karkat, I...” Keevan started, her voice tiny. “I’m so sorry...”

“You don’t need to apologize for anything,” Karkat said quietly.

“But I"”

The door of the reading room suddenly opened. Karkat tensed up. It was Jack, leaning in the doorframe with his sunglasses pushed up onto his forehead. He scowled at Karkat.

“What’s going on in here?” he muttered. “Babe, I’m taking you out.”

“Jack, no"” Keevan tried to say. Jack cut her off with a tss noise and waved his hand for her to follow him.

“Your shift is over, babe, it’s five,” Jack said. “Let’s go.”

“It’s alright, Keevan, go with him,” Karkat said monotonously. “I’m going home, anyway.”

“Karkat, no, wait"”

Karkat picked up his bag and pushed past them both, glancing at Keevan quickly as he passed her. Her softened eyes told him that she was sorry. He just nodded at her and kept walking. Suddenly, he was stopped by a rough hand on his shoulder. Jack yanked him back and leaned down by his ear, making Karkat tense up.

“Stay away from my girlfriend, pipsqueak,” Jack hissed in his ear. He shoved Karkat away and put his arm around Keevan. Keevan quietly scolded him and tried to say something to Karkat, but Karkat just turned and ran out of the library, going as fast as he could. He knew he would never have a chance with Keevan.

He just wanted to go home.