Chapter Eight Davis Brown Farm

Ralph, Paige, Kylie, Nathan and Kevin spend the winter in the farm house of Mary Brown and her two children, Star and Comet.

Chapter Eight

Davis Brown Farm

     
      At the Brown farm no one was hungry, or sick.  There had been problems, but most of them were of a personal nature. Ralph and the other kids had said goodbye to Hector with mixed emotions.  The younger kids were excited to be at the farm.  The girls, especially, had missed the comfort of an older woman.  They had never met Mary Brown, but everyone who had met her, claimed that she was a very nice person.  The twins were excited to see the horses and the cows, but they were leery of being under the direction of Ralph.  In the past, he had been known as something of a bully.  How would he act toward them, they wondered?
      Mary and her kids began by taking them on a tour of the farm.  As they walked, Mary kept up a running commentary.  "We planted ten acres of wheat, four acres of feed and one acre of potatoes.  And I always grow plenty of winter squash."
      Ralph looked at the fields that had been cut low to the ground.  "You harvested the wheat and alfalfa by yourself?" he asked incredulously.
      "Well, the combine did most of the work," Mary said with a laugh.  "I cut it after that rain luckily."
      "Where's the wheat now," asked Nathan.
      "After fanning it, we put it in big plastic tubs with tight lids.  Then we stored it in the sheds.  If it has bugs in it, the cold will hold them down.  The alfalfa is in the loft of the barn."
      "Can we make French fries with the potatoes?" asked Paige.
      "You bet," answered Mary.  "I grow Green Mountain potatoes.  They don't look as pretty as Russets but they taste sweeter.  There are still a lot in the ground, and one of our biggest tasks will be to harvest the rest.  Before this happened, I sold only my best produce at the stores down in the foothills, but now we need to harvest as much as we can for spring planting and to make bread and soup.  Your friends at your camp will run out of food sometime in the spring.  Our task will be to feed them as well as we can.  I plan to make potato bread and potato soup for them.  We'll freeze some and pack it in snow.  But we will have plenty for French fries.  I've got lard for that.  I like to save the butter for my cookies."
      “Yum, yum,” exclaimed Kylie while rubbing her stomach.
      Mary pointed to the water tower.  "The idea was to try drip irrigation.  We have about a thousand feet of black tubing.  We never have used it though.  Usually, we received enough rain and snow during the year to dry farm our crops."
      She took them into the hen house and the rabbit hutch.  "We have to remember to check their feed so that they don't run out," she warned them.
      "That's my job," said Star proudly.
      "Me too!" interjected Comet.
      Then Mary showed them the corral and the barn with the attached solar room.  The kids were surprised to see spinach and lettuce growing in the warm room.
      "I thought that you had cucumbers and tomatoes in here," said Kylie.
      "That was what I grew during the summer.  I grow leafy vegetables in the winter time," explained Mary.
      "Why is the cow so fat?" asked Kevin.
      "She is going to have a baby soon, that's why," said Mary.  "After that she will give a lot of milk for awhile."
      "Will the other cow give milk, too?" asked Nathan.
      "She's about ready to breed, but I don't know if we can find a bull now," answered Mary.  "If the calf is a bull then we can breed her in a couple of years."
      "Yuck, that would be her brother," said Paige who wrinkled her nose.
      "Yes, and that is definitely not the best combination," agreed Mary.  "But we may not have a choice."
      "If Hector could build another barn, this one could be converted into a house," suggested Ralph looking around thoughtfully.
      "That is a good idea,” replied Mary, “I’ve been thinking that same thought because there are so many kids at that camp.  It's doesn't have a bathroom though, so we would have to build an outhouse.  Maybe next spring, I'll talk to Hector about converting this barn into apartments."
      Ralph looked at her.  "You are doing a really nice thing, taking us in.  You didn't have to do this."
      Mary smiled at him.  "Yes," she said simply. "I did.  When you become a parent, you will understand why."
      "Mama, I'm hungry," complained Comet.  Mary showed them the storage sheds, and then they went back to the house.
      Mary's house had three bedrooms, two bathrooms, a large kitchen, a large family room, a cellar to store food, and an attic.  The campers had brought two bunk beds for the younger kids and one of the counselor beds for Ralph.  The twins shared Comet's room.  The girls shared Star's room, and Ralph slept in the attic.  Mary was quite embarrassed about that, but Ralph assured her that he was very comfortable upstairs.  The staircase was narrow, and the attic was unfinished, but Mary's husband had insulated it.  The heat from downstairs rose and was trapped in the attic making it warm and livable.  The living room had a large flag stone fireplace and the kitchen had a cast iron pot bellied stove.
      "I sure appreciate Hector bringing me those cords of firewood," Mary said to Ralph.  "I cut as much as I could this summer, but I still would have depended on the propane stove for heat by the end of winter, if he hadn't delivered that wood."
      Everyone settled in as best as they could.  At first the little ones were excited at the prospect of having someone to share their rooms with, but after a while they began to feel like their space was being usurped.  It didn't help that Ralph would yell at the other campers sometimes, order them around often, and generally act obnoxious when he talked to them.  By the end of November, Mary was feeling very stressed.  Finally she gathered them all together for a talk.
      "Look, we have a long winter ahead of us," she began.  "We have to try to get along.  We have to learn to make allowances for each other.
      "Comet, Star, your rooms are these kids’ rooms too.  You will just have to make room for some of their things.  Nathan, Kevin, Comet is a lot younger than you, and he plays with the kinds of toys that little kids play with.  I know it can be boring, but try to play with him the way that you used to play with your toys.
      "Paige, Kylie, Star is a little girl.  Don't make fun of her dolls.    "Ralph, I appreciate the help you are giving me.  Believe me, I do.  And I appreciate that you feel that Nathan, Kevin, Paige, and Kylie need to help me with the chores around the house.  It's okay to point that out.  It's not okay to push them, or threaten them.  If they don't help as much as you wish, you are simply going to have to back off and let me deal with them."
      This talk was somewhat effective.  Paige and Kylie felt guilty about laughing at Star's dolls.  One day, they handed Star a lovely hand written note, inviting her and her dolls to a tea party.  With Mary's help they took over the living room and held their tea party.  Star dressed all of her dolls in their finest clothes, and she sat them around the coffee table on pails.  Mary let Paige and Kylie dress up in some of her frilly dresses instead of their jeans.  For the next hour they sat around the coffee table, pretending that they were at a tea party.  Mary made real tea, and she served it in her most elegant coffee cups.  Kylie and Paige made polite conversation with the dolls, and the dolls responded in Star's squeaky high pitched voice.  A good time was had by all.  The boys thought the whole thing was silly, but luckily they were banished to Comet's room for the duration.
      Meanwhile, Nathan and Kevin had agreed to play with Comet's toys, especially his plastic logs, his model cars, and his action figures.
Lying on the floor, pretending to be Spears, racecar drivers and astronauts, they soon reverted to the children that they still were.
      Mary's real problem was Ralph.  He seemed to be socially challenged.  He snarled at the girls, he sneered at the boys, and he even yelled at her.  Once they got into a shouting match.  Sullenly he offered to move into the barn.  Mary briefly considered it, and then she realized that she would be constantly worried about him.  So she vetoed the idea.  It was unfortunate that he has such a surly attitude, she thought.  With his dark hair, grey eyes, and the shallow cleft in his strong chin, she considered him to be a very handsome young man.
      And yet, for all the trouble he caused, she could not be unhappy that he was staying with them.  He was a tireless worker.  In a hundred different ways, he helped her cope with the struggle that was her life now.  Ralph brought in firewood without being asked.  The other boys would grouse if they were asked.  Ralph helped her feed the horses and the cows.  After the calf was born, he learned to attach the milking machine, and he learned how to milk the cow by hand, so that he was prepared for the days that the solar milking machine would not work.  He watered the plants in the solar room.  Once, after dinner, Mary was feeling so exhausted that she left the dishes, and she went to her room to take a short nap.  She returned to discover that Ralph had washed and dried the dishes and was putting them away.  If she asked the girls to do the same, she could count on hearing them whine.
      And to her surprise, he was good with her kids.  He never talked down to them.  He admired Star's cartoon posters.  He told Comet stories at bedtime.  Comet, especially, became attached to him.
      She had to admit that the other kids did do some work.  The girls would cheerfully help her clean the house although they hated to do the dishes, and the boys faithfully fed the rabbits and gathered eggs when the snow was not too high to wade through.  And they had all helped to harvest the potatoes and to pile them into the insulated sheds or to stack them in the cellar.
      They had a large meal for Thanksgiving, with ham, venison, fresh bread and real butter, spinach and potatoes, and tasty cold whole milk.  It was a fun day, and Mary was thankful that the kids seemed to be happy and thriving under her care.  But that night, she thought of her missing husband, and she cried for a long time.
      A few days later, Mary was in the kitchen preparing dinner when Kylie rushed in the door almost in tears.  "Come quick, Mrs. Brown," she begged.  "Ralph is beating up Nathan."
      Mary flew out of the house and ran to the barn.  When she arrived, she saw that Ralph had Nathan in a headlock.  The two boys struggled as Ralph tried to fend off Kevin who was circling them and kicking Ralph at every opportunity.
      "Stop it! Stop it right now," she cried.  The boys sprang apart.  They were panting heavily.
      Mary had been toiling hard all day and she was tired.  "What is it this time?" she asked wearily.
      "He started hitting me for no reason," shouted Nathan angrily.  Ralph was silent.
      "Ralph told him to feed the horses, and Nathan said 'F you,'" offered Paige.
      Mary was too tired to referee.  "Ralph, you stay here.  The rest of you get in the house."  She waited until the kids left, and then said to Ralph, "I'll bring you your dinner in a little while."
      "Don't bother," replied Ralph sullenly.
      Mary exploded.  "Don't tell me what to do," she yelled.  "This is my place, not yours." She stalked out of the barn.
      It was a subdued dinner.  The boys avoided Mary's eyes.  She suspected that they were feeling guilty.  In a whiny voice Comet asked several times where Ralph was, and when he was coming in to dinner.
      After dinner, Mary, in a voice that brooked no nonsense, told the kids to clean up, wash the dishes, dry them, and put them away.  No one argued with her, or suggested that it was not their turn.  Mary made a plate of food for Ralph, and then she went to the barn.
      Ralph was mucking out the stalls.  He looked up when she came in, and then he ducked his head, and he went back to his task.  Mary sat down on a low wooden bench.
      "Please, come and eat," she said.
      Ralph hesitated.  He wanted to say that he was not hungry, but the truth was that he had been working all day, and he was starved.  He put down the square shovel, and he sat down on the bench next to Mary.  Mary handed him his plate and a moist towel.  Ralph wiped his hands and brow, and then he began to eat.  Mary said nothing while he ate.  As usual the food was delicious.  At last, sated, he put his plate down, sighed appreciatively, and wiped his face.
      "I want to talk to you," Mary began.
      "I know.  I screwed up again," Ralph grunted.
      "I want to talk about that, too, but first I want to thank you."
      "What?" asked Ralph.
      "I said, I want to thank you.  And maybe that's part of the problem.  I haven't thanked you enough, and so I haven't been a good example," she said.
      "You don't need to thank me.  I'm staying alive because of you," Ralph replied.
      "We are staying alive together, Ralph, but even if I was doing everything, I would still need to thank you now and then.  For talking to me, if nothing else.  I need adult conversation."
      "Sorry, I don't get it."
      "Why did you say, ‘sorry?’"
      "What?"
      "Just now, you could have said, 'I don't get it', but instead you said, 'sorry, I don't get it,'" she pointed out.
      "Uh...I guess I was apologizing for not understanding," he answered.
      "Yes, you were.  You were apologizing.  But why?"
      "Just trying to be polite."
      "No, you weren't trying to be polite, you were being polite," she pointed out again.
      "Ralph, that's most of your problem.  You are not polite most of the time, and most of the time you don't even try to be polite.  Hear me out," she said before he could growl.
      "Think about a little ball bearing,” she began.  “It rolls around on its track doing its job.  But rubbing against metal causes it to heat up.  It gets angry.  And the metal track gets angry right back.  So something has to be done to calm that anger.  So grease is put on that ball bearing.  It soothes the friction between the ball bearing and the metal.  Bumping up against each other still makes the ball bearing and the metal a little peeved, but that grease cools off both of them.  Ralph, politeness is human grease.
      "Ralph, you are a decent person.  I can say that because I trust you with my kids.  But you don't practice politeness on a daily basis.

“I want you to try a few things, please.  I want you never to ask anyone in the house to do anything without saying, ‘please.’  And anytime anyone does something that you have asked them, I want you to say, ‘thank you.’  If you do that for me consistently, well then, at the end of a month if they don't start responding better, I'll, well, I'll...knock 'em on their butts."

      Ralph laughed.  "No you won't."
      "Well, no I won't, but I'll want to," she answered with a laugh.
      "Say, ‘please’ and ‘thank you,’ huh?" Ralph said.  "All right."
      "I have something else I want you to do for me," she said.  "I want you to learn something about each of those kids.  Where they come from, who their families are, and what they like.  And I want you to tell them about yourself, just like you told me about yourself.  Did you know that the twins are going to have a birthday in February?  They will be thirteen years old.  Talk to them about something other than work and survival.  Trust me; it will help you, and it will be good for them."
      Ralph stared down at his hands, and he said, "All right."  Mary got up to leave.
      "Mrs. Brown?" she heard him say.  She turned.  "Thank you for putting up with me."
      She smiled.  "You're welcome, Ralph.  And when we are alone, you may call me, Mary."
      Ralph made an honest effort to do as Mary had asked.  He curbed his sarcasm.  He made sure that he said, "please" when he asked someone to do something.  On the rare occasion that someone actually responded, he made sure that he said, "thank you."  It wasn't always easy.  Sometimes he forgot.  Sometimes he remembered, but his effort was not reciprocated.  Sometimes he had to walk away and stew, but gradually things got better between him and the twins.
      Talking to them about themselves or about him was harder.  He was not naturally a loner like Jacob, but he was a more private person than most people.  But he made an effort, and slowly his efforts began to pay off.
      Christmas was coming.  Mary showed the twins a fir tree she wanted, so they chopped it down and carried it back to the house.  The girls were busy making natural ornaments.  The little kids talked about Santa and elves, and they watched Christmas cartoons on the old VHR player over and over until the whole house could quote them.
      One night after the kids had gone to bed, and Mary and Ralph were still up, Mary suddenly said, "The angel!  I forgot to get the Christmas angel for the top of the tree."
      Mary went to the hall closet and rummaged though it.
      "Found it!" she exclaimed triumphantly.  She brought the angel to the Christmas tree along with a rickety old stool.
      Good grief, thought Ralph to himself as she climbed the stool, leaned forward, and attempted to maintain her balance while placing the ornament on top of the tree.  Ralph got up from the sofa, and he moved behind her, just in case.  Mary set the ornament on the tree, and then she leaned back.  At that moment, the stool wobbled dangerously, and with a gasp Mary fell backwards, right into Ralph's arms.
      For a moment the startled pair looked at one another.  Then together, they became aware of the feel of the other's body.  As Mary stared into Ralph's eyes, she felt the strength of his arm under her knees and warmth of his other arm behind her back.  Suddenly for reasons that she could not have identified, she blushed.  Seeing her blush, flustered Ralph and muttering something incomprehensible, he lowered her feet to the ground.
      Mary composed herself, and she gave him a nervous smile.  "Well, thank you," she said.
      "You're welcome.  I guess I'll go to bed now," he answered, and he withdrew to the safety of the attic.
      Later, as she lay in her own bed, Mary was troubled.  For the first time since she understood that her husband was probably dead, she had responded to a man other than her lost husband with a rush of pleasure.  She didn't want to feel that.  She didn't want to feel that about a younger man who was living with her.  But she was still a young woman in her twenties, and her body had other ideas.

Mary thought back to when she had been a young bride.  After college, she and Davis had moved to Anaheim.  Davis had taken her to Disney Land and to Knott’s Berry Farm.  He had shown her the La Brea Tar Pits.  It was a wonderful time.  And Ralph was not much younger than Davis had been at that time.  Mary tossed and turned in her sleep that night.  For the next week, Mary and Ralph treated each other somewhat warily.

      Christmas and New Years passed comfortably.  The kids were contented.  Comet made everyone laugh by pretending to be a reindeer.  Then in the middle of January, there was a cold snap and a lot of snow.  Ralph made his way to the barn, and he stayed there until the bad spell passed.  Every evening, Mary talked to him on Star's walkie talkie, to assure herself that he was all right.  During the day, Mary tried to balance the usage of wood and propane.
      Finally the cold spell passed, and Ralph returned to the house.  Mary was so relieved that, not thinking, she flung her arms around him and held him.  Ralph was startled, but he responded in the same way.  For a few moments they stood there, and then becoming aware of each other, they moved apart, both blushing.  The twins saw nothing amiss, but Paige and Kylie exchanged worried glances.
      The house returned to normal.  Then one night Comet caused a new crisis to arise.  Ralph had gotten into the habit of putting Comet to bed and tucking him in.  Some nights, Ralph would read or tell Comet a story.  The twins usually went to bed much later.
      One night, after Comet was comfortably in bed, and Ralph was about to leave the room, Comet said, "Read me a story, Daddy!"
      Startled, for a moment Ralph thought that Comet had simply made a childish mistake.  But Comet was watching him intently.  Ralph did not know what to do or say.  Finally, he decided to ignore the endearment.
      "Uh...all right," he responded.  He read Comet a bedtime story.  Satisfied, Comet went to sleep.
      The incident troubled Ralph, but he hesitated to burden Mary with any more problems.  Then, a few days later, Comet called him, “Daddy,” in Mary's presence.  Ralph could see that Mary was stunned.  At the first private opportunity, Ralph tried to apologize to Mary.
      "You don't have to apologize, Ralph," Mary assured him ruefully.  "He was barely three when his father left.  There is no way he is going to remember his father much longer.  It's different with Star.  She adored her father.  If you don't mind him calling you, ‘Daddy,’ then I can deal with it.  When he's older, I will explain it to him.  I'm more worried about Star's reaction."
      The next day, Mary's words proved to be prescient.  When Comet called Ralph, “Daddy,” Star's eyes grew huge, and then she exploded.
      "He's not your Daddy," she raged angrily.  "He's not our Daddy.  Our Daddy is dead.  He's just some old bully."  She burst into tears and escaped to her room.
      After that, Star's behavior took a turn for the worse.  She was belligerent to Mary, mean to Comet, and nasty to Ralph.  She refused to clean her room, help with the chores, or go to bed on time.  This lasted for a week.
      One day, Comet was in her room trying to get her to play with him.  He happened to pick up one of her dolls.  Angrily, she slapped him.  Crying, he went to his mother to complain.
      "Why did you slap your brother," asked Mary, bewildered at Star's violent behavior.
      "I hate him," snapped Star. "He's a dumb dumb, and he's stupid.  I hate him."
      "That's enough out of you, young lady," admonished her mother.  "Your brother is not dumb, and he is not stupid.  You apologize right now."
      "I won't," cried Star.  "I hate him, and I hate you.  You made Daddy go away.  You made him die."  Mary turned pale, and she slumped down, her heart breaking, unable to keep tears from seeping from her eyes.  Star ran to her room.
      "I'll go talk to her," said Ralph quietly.
      Mary looked at him tearfully.  "Ralph..."
      "It'll be okay.  She'll be okay.  I'll talk to her."  He went to Star's room.  Paige and Kylie were standing by the door calling to her.
      "Go play with the twins for awhile, please," he requested.  They left.  Ralph knocked on the door.
      "Go away," yelled Star.
      "I'm coming in, Star," said Ralph.  He opened the door and entered the room.  Star was lying on her bed crying.
      "Leave me alone you big bully," she sobbed.  Ralph did not respond.  He sat down on her bed and waited.  Presently her sobs tapered off.
      "I had a little sister.  She was five," Ralph said.  Star kept her head against the covers, but Ralph could sense that she was listening.  

"My parents were divorced when I was twelve.  My Mom left us.  Then my Dad remarried, and he and my stepmother had a baby girl.  At first, I was mad about it.  But then I got to like her.  She would follow me around, begging me to pick her up.  One day my parents left her with me.  She messed in her diapers, and I had to clean her up.  That was weird, but I did it.  I cleaned her, and I powdered her butt, and I put another diaper on her.  I don't think I ever looked at her the same way after that.  Somehow she was not just their kid, she was my kid.  When I realized that she was dead, I got crazy angry.  I was so mad.  I blamed everyone and everything."

      "Like me," said Star with a sniff, her head still pressed to the covers.
      "Yes, like you.  Now I realize that mostly I blamed myself," Ralph replied.  Star began to cry again.  Ralph reached over and began to stoke her back.
      "It's all my fault," Star sobbed.  "It's all my fault.  I told Daddy that I wanted a new video, and I kept bugging him and bugging him, and finally he went to Bakersfield to get one for me and now he's dead.  It's all my fault."  Ralph waited until her cries tapered off again before answering.
      "Your mother thinks that it's her fault," he said.
      Star calmed down enough to ask, "Why?"
      "She say's that she had been bugging him about dryer sheets and bleach and groceries.  So he went to Bakersfield to get them.  But I think that she forgets that he wanted to visit his parents.  I think it was just bad luck that he happened to be in Bakersfield when this happened.  I think it was just bad luck that I happened to be here instead of San Diego when this happened.  Or maybe it was good luck.  I don't know.  I just know that it's not your mother's fault, and it's not your fault."  Ralph took a deep breath.  "And I guess it's not my fault."  They were both quiet for several minutes.  Star sniffed from time to time.
      "Did you ever go to the zoo?"  Star suddenly asked.  Ralph was confused for a moment at the change of subject.
      "Oh. Yes.  The San Diego Zoo.  Yes we went there sometimes.  I let my sister ride on my shoulders," he replied.  "But the place we liked the best was the San Diego Wildlife Preserve.  It had this huge open area, and the people were up high on a hill, so we could see everywhere all at once.  There were walls around the whole thing, and there was a train that went around the whole place, so you could see everything like the lions and the zebras, and the giraffes."
      Star looked up.  "Lions?" she asked doubtfully.  "In the open?  Not in cages?"
      "That was the best part for me.  They didn't have to live in cages.  They could just walk around free."
      Star was silent for a minute.  "Mama's gonna hate me, now," she sniffed.  "Cause I hit Comet, and I said really mean things to her."
      "Your mama will never hate you, Star," Ralph assured the little girl.  "Your mama loves you and she always will.  But she will want you to apologize to Comet."
      "All right."  Star wiped her eyes.  Then in a small voice, she asked him, "Is it okay if I don't call you, ‘Daddy?’  I mean, if you marry my mama someday, I can wait and call you, ‘Daddy’ then, okay?"
      Ralph felt like his heart had stopped.  There was a ringing in his ears, and he had trouble drawing a breath.  Slowly he breathed and then he said.  "No matter what happens, Star, you can always call me Ralph.  I promise.  You know what?  When spring comes, I'm going to make a big sign right by the road.  It's going to say, Davis Brown Farm.  So everyone will always know that the name of this place is Davis Brown Farm."
      "Davis Brown Farm," Star repeated slowly.  "That's a good name.  Davis Brown Farm."
      There was a knock at the door.  Slowly the door opened, and timidly Mary looked around the door.  Star looked at her and then started to cry again.
      "I'm sorry, Mama," she sobbed.  "I'm sorry I said that.  Please don't hate me."
      Mary shoved the door open, and she flew into her daughters arms.  "I love you so much, Star," she cried.
      Ralph got up, and he went to the door.  With one backward glance, he shut the door, leaving the girl and her mother to their grief.
      Things were better after that.  Star apologized to her brother, and she made a point of playing with him; even letting him chose what to play.  Star wasn't perfect, of course.  She was, after all, a little girl.
      February arrived, and it was time for the twins' birthday.  Mary baked them a cake.  Comet gave each boy one of his toys as a present.  They thanked Comet, and they asked if they might keep their presents in his toy box.  He assured them that it was okay with him.

Then they watched an action DVD, while Ralph attended to the barn chores.  After the movie, Ralph asked to speak with them.  They went to the kitchen where Ralph presented them with spears made of old broom and mop handles and filed iron spearheads.  They were painted with lightning bolts.

      "I thought it was time that you two had your own spears," said Ralph gruffly.  "So I made these for you."  The boys were amazed.
      "Wow, this is so cool!" exclaimed Kevin.  "Thanks a lot, Ralph."
      "Yeah, I can't wait to show mine to the guys at the Lodge," agreed Nathan.  "This is really decent of you, Ralph."
      Ralph looked uncomfortable, and then, behind the boys, he saw Mary looking at him and waiting for him to respond.  "Um...you're welcome," he answered.  Mary smiled at him.
      "He has been working on those spears for a long time," said Mary.  Ralph mumbled something incomprehensible.
      The rest of February passed uneventfully, to Mary's relief.  She was always aware of Ralph and where he was, and one time she had an erotic dream in which he made an appearance, but for the most part they tried to pretend that their feelings for each other did not exist.
      In early March, Paige had a birthday.  Again a cake was made, and again Comet presented her with a toy, but this time, instead of making Paige a gift, Ralph, to every one's shock, suggested that they hold a dance.
      Mary had a now useless phone containing an MP3 player that was chocked full of music.  They hooked it to a pair of speakers and played a mixture of fast and slow music.  The twins were not crazy about the idea, but since it was Paige's birthday they stoically went along.  Once they started dancing, the twins had a lot of fun.  Star demanded to be taught to dance, and Comet got in on the action by prancing around the living room.  It was fun, it was silly and the house rang with laughter.
      Afterwards, Kylie asked if they could have a slumber party in the attic.  Ralph agreed to sleep in Nathan’s bed for the night, and the six children tromped up to the attic.  Mary knew that it would be forever before they went to sleep, so she decided that the next day would be an essential work only day.
      With the kids gone, Mary and Ralph were alone.  "Well, that was a riot," he observed.  Mary laughed.
      "It was great.  I can't believe that you suggested a dance.  That was a wonderful idea," she said.
      "They're girls.  I thought that they might like it.  It was fun teaching them the steps to the slow dances.  I used to dance with my sister like that.  She stood on my shoes, and I moved around," said Ralph.
      "My husband and I didn't know any dances, fast or slow.  But sometimes we would get out on the dance floor and bounce around.  If it was a slow dance we just held on to each other."  Mary smiled at the memory.  "Thanks for teaching me," she said.
      The MP3 player was still playing.  Roy Orbison began to sing.  "Would you care to dance, Mary?" murmured Ralph.
      Mary's heart began to pound.  Are you kidding? Me and you?  Alone?  That's the craziest idea I've ever heard, she thought to herself.  She thought of an old television show that she used to watch when she was a kid.  She felt like stepping back, waving her arms like the robot, and shouting, “danger, danger, danger.”
      "All right," she heard herself say.
      She placed her hands on his shoulders.  He placed his hands on her waist.  Slowly, they began the steps.  Their feet moved perfectly together.  Gradually, they closed the gap between them.  She moved her arms around his neck.  He moved his arms behind her back.  The music was lovely, romantic and suggestive.  Their bodies responded to each other.  Their breathing deepened.  Then the song ended.  A faster tune began.
      For a moment they stood there, clinging to each other.  Then Mary gave him a little nudge, and he released her.  She didn't know what to say.  Upstairs she could hear the sound of children laughing at something.
      "Let's sit down and listen to the music," suggested Ralph.
      "Good idea," agreed Mary.  

She walked to the sofa and sat down, expecting Ralph to take the chair, but he followed her and sat down beside her.  He put his arm around her.  His hand stroked her shoulder.  Hesitantly, she leaned against him.  She sat there, tense, waiting for something to happen.  When he spoke, his words were a surprise.

      "I really liked Jackie," he began.
      "The girl who was murdered?" she asked.
      "Yes.  I really liked her.  She was older than the rest of us, and the things we talked about were adult things.  She told me that she had sex with her older boyfriend when she was just fourteen.  Then her period was two weeks late, and she knew that she was pregnant.  She cried and cried.  She was terrified.  She knew absolutely nothing about how to find help.  Then her period came.  It was a false alarm.
      "After that, she swore off sex until her senior year in high school, and when she began an intimate relationship, she made sure that she was on the pill.  She made this guy date her for three months before she slept with him.  She wanted to get to know him before they had sex.  She wanted to discover if she could trust him.
      "She said that she came to the camp as a counselor, because she wanted to teach younger girls how important it was to wait until they were older to have sex, not just until they thought that they were ready. She said that a young girl can't know when she's ready to have sex until she understands the emotions of a relationship, and that you have to be older to understand those emotions.
      "When I talked with Jackie, I felt older and more mature.  She was a woman in the midst of all these girls.  I felt like I was falling in love with her.
      "But then this fog thing happened.  At first, she tried to pretend that nothing had happened.  Then, I don't know why or how, she changed.  Something happened in her head.  I wonder if it was the responsibility.
      "Then she died.  I think I went a little nuts myself after that.  I stopped eating.  Every day, I went down to her grave, and I just sat there.  But then Hector came.  Someone from outside the camp.  Somehow, that made me wake up and get myself together.  Strange.
      "And now I'm here with you.  I feel like I have something to live for now.  Something, someone, several some ones to protect.  Being with you is a little like being with Jackie, but better.  My feelings for Jackie were like a crush on a favorite teacher.  My feelings for you are like the feelings I think your husband must have felt.  Not just feelings of desire, but feelings of caring and cherishing.  I suppose it's wrong, but I can't help feeling like Comet and Star are our kids, not just yours.  I hope you are not offended, Mary."
      Mary, trying to swallow the lump in her throat, could not speak, so she shook her head.  Giving up, she laid her head on his shoulder.  Finally she spoke.
      "I'm not going to lie to you, Ralph.  I do have feelings for you.  I care about you very much.  I love the way you interact with my children.  I can see how much they mean to you.  But I'm still mourning my husband.  I need more time to come to terms with these feelings I have for you."
      "I'm fine with that," he said, and he kissed her lightly.  They went to their separate beds, and they slept surprisingly well.
        Mary felt like the air was cleared between her and Ralph.  Her mood lightened considerably.  And she was busy.  She was determined that when the kids emerged from the Lodge, she would be there to feed them.  She baked and froze bread.  She scrounged and washed every container that she could find, and she filled them with potato soup which she also froze.  She knew that the taste and texture of frozen milk changed for the worse after a few weeks, so she waited until two weeks until April before she began freezing milk.  But she skimmed the cream off the milk, and she made plenty of butter in her blender.
      On the first day of March, she had the boys empty the containers in the solar room and refill them with fresh dirt.   Then she planted tomato and cucumber seedlings.  She had grown chard and spinach all winter.  What the house did not eat was cooked and frozen.  She made the boys catch as much trout as possible.  They didn't mind catching the fish, but they sure minded cleaning them.  She had separated the potatoes when they were harvested, and she had soon replanted the thumb sized ones.  Now the leaves of those tubers were poking through the snow.  Except for meat, she thought that she could feed the campers for a month.  After that?  She would deal with that when it happened.
      Mary welcomed the advent of spring.  There was still snow on the ground, heavy in some places, but the sun had shone for much of March, so far, and now the plants would get more than twelve hours of sunlight.  Soon she would need to get the plow ready to till the earth.  She needed to get down to the camp, so that she could see if there was any available land to be tilled.  Mary intended to put as much land as possible into production this year.  She knew that it depended on the amount of fuel that was left.  Hector had told her about the fuel tank at the logging camp.  She needed to convince him that the best use of that fuel was for food production.
      For the kids, it was a great relief to get out of the house.  Even chores were welcomed if it meant getting out in the sun.  Most of the chickens and rabbits had survived the winter.  Fishing was fun, even if they had to clean them.  Ralph enjoyed walking over the fields, marveling at the hardy potato plants, and throwing the spears with the twins as they practiced.
      One morning he allowed Comet and Star to accompany him.  They wandered around the fields, before heading for the water tank to see how it had fared during the winter.
      "Carry me, Daddy!" demanded Comet when he grew tired.
      Star looked at Ralph, but she said nothing.  She had grown used to her brother's endearment for Ralph.  Ralph picked up Comet, and he set the boy on his shoulders.  As they walked toward the water tank, he asked Star what she knew about her mother's plans.
      "Mama thought that we could grow beans out here," explained Star.  "We were going to use that black plastic stuff to drip irrigate the plants.  I know that we have a lot of seed.  But mama never got around to it last year."
      "What kind of beans?" asked Ralph.
      "I think it was more like peas," replied Star.  "I know she talked about peas from China, and snapping peas.  Then she said she was going to try to grow black eyed peas and green beans.  But she didn't think that green beans would grow very well here."
      "Chinese and snap peas," said Ralph thoughtfully.  "That's right.  They are supposed to grow well in cool weather."
      "Oooo...a tiger," exclaimed Comet.
      Ralph and Star laughed.  "You think you see a tiger, Comet?" asked Ralph.
      "There," replied Comet pointing to the water tank.
      Star gasped, and Ralph froze.  It was not a tiger, it was a mountain lion.  It was pacing towards them, head lowered.  It seemed to be limping slightly.
      Ralph lowered Comet to the ground.  "Let's go back," he said.
      "I want to see the tiger, Daddy," Comet complained.
      Ralph and Star took Comet by his hands, and they began pulling him towards the house.  The lion's pace towards them quickened to a slow lope.  The trio had only moved a dozen paces before it became clear that the animal would soon catch them.