An Interview With a Pseudo-Lizard

An interview with one of the Ragoon

This character is from the series of novellas and short stories written by Stan Morris.  The novellas, available at Amazon and most other outlets are:

Sam's Winnings

Kate’s Movie Star

Amy’s Hero

 

Two short stories about the Ragoon are also available in Stan’s anthology.

What’s In My Shorts?

 

The District Supervisor is a pseudo-lizard, a Ragoon, an alien species that came to Earth, so that they could pay for the gases they were extracting from Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune.  Unfortunately, that is not all they do.

 

Thank you for allowing me to interview you.  I see you are wearing your translator, so let me begin by asking, what is your Ragoon name?

It would be useless to answer this question.  You could not pronounce my name, and it cannot be translated using your English characters.  Even the Chinese characters are too few, and we Ragoon do not refer to each other by our names but by our titles.  You may call me, District Supervisor.

 

Very well, District Supervisor.  What do the Ragoon want from Earth?

We do not want anything from Earth.  We entered this solar system to harvest gases from the large giants you call Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune.  If there are sentient or semi-sentient beings in the systems we enter, we are required by our law to remit payment to those beings.  Therefore, some interaction with your species was necessary.  We were forced to establish some common method of economic intercourse.  Our bureaucracy established protocols for this, long ago.

 

Aren’t you interfering in our affairs?

How can helping a lower developed system be construed as interference in their affairs?  We have a duty to bring technology and enlightened social structures to underdeveloped systems.  In the course of fulfilling this duty, we must promulgate laws that allow for a smooth transition from your underdeveloped state to a more technologically and socially advanced state.

 

How can you justify the slavery you’ve forced on the women of Earth?

That is an unfortunate result of your deviant evolutionary path.  If you had evolved correctly as hermaphrodites, this situation would not have occurred.  Any microbiologist knows that life emerged as an organism that multiplies by separating from itself. Multi-gender species are inherently erratic.  Forcing one species to be dominant makes for a more orderly society.

 

Was the destruction of South Georgia Island necessary?

It was the best, least dangerous method of demonstrating to the governments of Earth that resisting our benevolent rule would be fruitless.  No humans were harmed during the destruction of that useless piece of real estate.  This is the protocol.  Our purpose here is to establish a thriving business environment.  Each human individual now belongs to our conglomerate.  I don’t mean that you are property, except for those who cannot pay what they owe us.  I mean that you are valued members of our organization.

 

Will you ever make the internet freely available, again?

Members of Ragoon conglomerates have access to information on a need to know basis. Since all humans are now members of our conglomerate, there is no need to have access to certain information.  I note that some humans are quite pleased that certain information is being limited.

 

Are there other Ragoon organizations similar to yours?

They number in the hundreds of millions.  The galaxy is a vast place.

 

Do you have spiritual beliefs?

I think what you are asking is if we believe in the God.  The answer is yes, of course.  The Ragoon believe that the God was created in the explosion that your scientists refer to as “The Big Bang.”  The God knows all and sees all with its Great Eyes, which you refer to as ‘black holes.’  The God makes Its stars to shine on us, and It is clearly in favor of our efforts to enlighten the galaxy.

 

Does God approve of you eating humans?

Only a portion of our population believes that we are justified in the use of humans for that purpose, and even fewer partake.  Those your governments have condemned to death can be eaten.  Those who sell immature humans to be used for a sexual purpose can be eaten.  I believe they are commonly referred to in your language as ‘pimps.’  The concept of using a sentient’s or even a semi-sentient’s body for a sexual business purpose is abhorrent to all enlightened beings.  Please note that humans can only be consumed when they are prepared in accordance with strict dietary laws.

 

You’ve mentioned the word ‘semi-sentient.’  Do you doubt that humans are sentient?

I’m using that word incorrectly, I know.  What I mean is that there is a debate among our spiritual leaders as to whether or not humans have complete souls.  This is because the human species is multi-gendered.  Please, don’t ask me to explain this.  I don’t understand the theology any more than you would.

 

Would you be willing to answer a question about the incident at the University of California, Berkeley?

You were told previously that the incident could not be a topic of discussion.  I will repeat what is already known.  The Ragoon regret the tragic loss of life among the student population, and the commander of the unit has been demoted and removed from this solar system.

 

I would like to ask about some specific incidents that occurred here in central California.  In the Oakdale case, the boys were clearly joking.  Didn’t the Ragoon overreact?

It is not clear to us that the boys were joking.  Thurber thought that he needed collateral to cover his bet.  He offered his sister as collateral.  He lost the bet.  Therefore, according to the law, Ashley Thurber became the property of Sam Wilson.  I have not heard anyone, human or Ragoon, suggest that if Thurber had won the bet, he would have foregone the monetary aspect of the bet.  The form for the exchange of property is on the web, and it is available to everyone.  It would have been easy enough for either Thurber or Wilson to access and fill out the form.  The Ragoon would not have questioned Ashley’s continued presence in her brother’s home.  We are well aware that most Americans are ignoring this aspect of the law, and as long as the law is not openly flouted, we will ignore this in turn.

 

What about the Garcia case?  The girl spent five days at the Merced Human Rehabilitation Center before she was returned to her father, after which, you forced her father to accept a man, unknown to the family, as a house guest.

We regret the mistake that resulted in Kate’s extended incarceration.  However, at last report, she and the young man are happily married.  I believe she is now a student at the Pepperdine campus.

 

The last incident I would like to ask about is the Captain Joe Harper case.  Did you deliberately match him with Amy?

Before I agreed to this interview, I contacted the Harpers.  Joe and Amy asked that their case not be discussed, and I have agreed to that request.  I wish them only the best.  Your allotted time is over.  You may leave.

 

Author Amazon Page: http://www.amazon.com/Stan-Morris/e/B004KB2HG0/