chapter 1

The sound of gentle rain drops sliding on my window racing to reach the bottom ,Birds chirping almost singing, So synchronized

I rest my back on an old crooked chair that once belonged to my great grandmother’s , Sun rays fondling my bare feet, So beautiful yet so cruel. I look around searching for the letter i wrote placing it on the night stand . “ She will be upset but only for awhile” I reassure myself “ It’s time ”

I lay my limb body on my rugged bed, Taking in the smell of death and mold.I hold in my hand sweet bottle of salvation. A mixture of killer herbs. Its aroma is mismerizing. My gateway to eternal happiness.

No turning back no second chances the moment came to shed my fears, Face the monster I’ve been battling since the day my mother awakened me into this world, I have concurred it in the past but i only beheaded one of it’s many ugly heads. This time i come with no sword hoping it will diminish me until i am no longer.

I say goodbye to this unjust world , A world where man has no soul is a world where i don’t belong

Breath in..Breath out.. It's getting harder to breath. I gasp for air , Preparing myself to leave whilst i get a rush feeling of calmness pouring down my spine comforting me .

Taking my last breath. I hear the sound of familiar footsteps approaching me . The door knob turning slowly allowing whomever behind the door to be my final sight. “ Sorry mama” i whisper before i slip into the warm embrace of darkness .

Free at last.

A flash of colours struck me like lightning , The smell of joy overwhelmed my agonised soul, Is this heaven i ask myself, Before i can even ponder the question, I hear a strange but compelling noise. I follow it, To my surprise it has led me to a group of children running in circles making that same exact noise. I look around to find what are they being chased by, I find nothing.
A little boy notices me. He comes closer with a smile painted on his beautiful round face.

Filled with life he approaches, Reaching out his arm to me “come play, Emily”

I flash again but this time it’s different . No brightful colors no joyful sound. Nothing but complete and utter emptiness . The cries of women penetrated my soul back into my body forcing me to wake up.

I scaned the familiar faces “He knows my name,mama” .




“ I want to go back, please mama let me go back” I said with tearless, Hollow expression “please stop crying mama,I’m sorry i left you behind” she spread her arms around my fragile body in complete silence and just smiled ” don’t worry precious i will fix you” she said in the most confident soothing sound that ever came out of her lips.

” I found a place for me, mama. You don’t need to fix me anymore” I say ” a place where children can roam freely amongst the green meadows. nothing or no one to harm them “

A gush of blood poured out of me right before the village doctor stung me with needles ” sleep my child ” he said.

And then everything turned black as the night.




“hurry! we can still get in time for the final show” unfathomably the same child appears again and I am back at the beautiful unknown, but not for long, merely a blink of an eye before i am lying in my bed, surrounded by the women of my village. concerned looks and wandering eyes haunt me, but no one to speak their thoughts, That until Lucie enters the room, she was a quite but pure child, i think she is 60 stones of age but her mother disagrees, she’s wrong, she must have skipped a stone or simply forgot to add one.

I struggle to keep my eyes open, but my eyelids are over weighting my well to stay awake, at that moment, Lucie carefully approached me, frolicking her eye lashes to a rhythm,she stood in front of me for a little while, placing her gentle hand over mine, inter-wining our fingers, she gazed into my eyes, reaching my soul, “can you take me with you when you go next time?” she asked with hope and desperation reeking out of her.

"I will Lucie" ... I lied.


One thought on my otherwise heavy mind, It's not of wondering about what that place was. But merely how would i get there. What path leads me to my wonderland... Yes, It was a wonderland. 




chapter 2


It has been a long while since my attempt at grasping my own life. Everyone has become afraid of me , perhaps for me. I can't tell the difference. 

Mama still cries herself to sleep, I should feel guilty, But nothing is all I feel. Nothing but the want, the need to be at the same place as my heart desires.


Today, is my turn to attend kitchen duties. while each woman ,or female to be more accurate, has daily obligations to perform. From the break of dawn to the last silvering thread of daylight. the few men among us brave the dark unknown for food and water. Some of them never come back.