With the Stars

i just want to feel okay for a while, not numb or morose like i usually am.

right now, i'm at a crossroads between the two. 

i stare out the window beautifying the stars, shouting in my head how i wish i could be one of them

as his voice echoes in my head for the millionth time tonight,

almost vividly, like i can still feel his warm breath embracing my ear

filled with temptation as to reflect upon his eyes

my head reverts

why don't i feel anymore?

the stars are telling me they don't need anymore damaged souls at the moment,

and either way, given that much fire, i may just explode.

i'm already almost there, anyway; i'm already like the stars

for whatever fuel remaining inside me,

will either cause me to explode in a supernova of emotion and wreckage,

or it will run out, diminishing me to the point of no return

both extremes are terrifying

i stop beautifying the stars, i don't want to be one of them anymore.

i let his voice take over instead

and all of a sudden, i'm feeling,

and i'm okay.

Reviews

[Brenda Woods]

Beautiful poem - you've definitely got a talent for writing, keep at it! Personally, I think that the fourth line could be broken down into smaller lines - maybe 'as his voice echoes in my head for the millionth time tonight, almost vividly,/ like i can still feel his warm breath embracing my ear,/ filled with temptation as to reflect upon his eyes' - I think that could make the poem look better and flow easier when read, as no other line in the piece is that long, and I also feel like 'anyway' may be more suitable to use in the poem than 'anyways', which for me takes away from the serious nature of the piece for me. That's my advice and opinions, anyway, take them as you wish.

As for the lack of capitalisation, that's no issue with me! I'm fond of writing like that (and very guilty of barely ever using capitalisation in my poetry, oops).
There are some really beautiful moments in this poem - 'why don't i feel anymore?', whilst simple, particularly hit hard with me, and I also liked the imagery behind 'given that much fire, i may just explode' and 'explode in a supernova of emotion and wreckage'. Plus, I liked how things turned from wanting to be like the beautiful stars to realising how extremes are terrifying and that being a star isn't the best of ideas.

Overall, lovely work. It really made me think a lot, and that's always a good thing.