Of Fish and Falling.

We all fall down, that much I know,

But you speak of falling though I’ve never seen it.

No, not once.

 

I haven’t breathed a single draft of air in years.

 

Maybe you were wondering,

Though I’m sure you already knew.

You know me best, if anyone does.

What you say about me must be true.

 

“Wallowing in self pity is not your style,”

She said, so condescendingly,

So spectacularly cold.

Yet under the touch of my finger tips,

I still remember your flesh,

Burning like flames beneath me.

 

You are more alive than you claim to be;

You are breathing all my air -

Leaving me like a fish,

Pulled from the water

By a cruel hook, bitter in my mouth,

Flopping wildly on the ground.

Disgustingly beautiful,

And none can look away,

For cold eyes search their very souls.

For what they do,

For what you did.

That is what gnaws at you, love:

The look in my eyes when you shied away from my lips,

Though they longed nothing but your own.

 

 

Reviews

[The Scanners See Sound]

I've been searching and searching this place to find something that I actually found genuinely interesting.

I didnt expect to find that in a poem.

Good show. I reeeeeeeeally enjoy the presentation of this. No stupid formal structure, or tired flowing.

While I wasn't a fan of a few stanzas, ultimately, I dig this.

I dig it with a really big shovel. Straight to China. So I can share it with other people.

[kruser23]

This was beautiful,...and great title too!

[Antonio Valentino]

Lydia, this is amazing writing.
How nice it is to unwrap the first outer layers and find a gift such as this.

I loved it all, but I will just pick this part to comment on: "You know me best, if anyone does. What you say about me must be true."

Perception is reality isn't it, even if, we, don't see it that way.

Perfect!
Antonio

[Colin Stewart]

I BELIEVE IN YOUR - ARTISTIC FREEDOM - BECAUSE YOU ARE A CREATIVE ANOMALY - AND WE ARE LOOKING FOR BOLD DARING PEOPLE LIKE YOURSELF TO LIGHT UP OUR MARQUEE AT:
thepoeticminds.com (poetry,literature and dreams)

[Amanda Crandall]

I like this. I like the tie in with the fish after all when it breaks the surface it is not dying from lack of oxygen but from too much of it, and an escessive passion can feel very much like that. There is a "knew" and "true" ryme in the second stanza that I think needs killing, it took me out of the flow of the poem. I also like the bit about self pity, but then the next stanza is a very self pitying stanza. Distancing the speaker in the poem from the fish would fix this. you tie up the metaphor in the end anyway, if you talk about the fish without personifying it, I would still understand you are the fish