4 a.m.

It was four in the morning
And we were in the bathtub,
Upstairs at your parent’s house.
All the ducks were swimming in the water,
Not lined up in a row like they used to be.
I wasn’t like I used to be, not anymore.
I lay naked in your arms,
And everything was better.

We were driving, rather recklessly,
To the only other city in the state,
Or maybe we were looking
For that place with the ice cream
As we listened to Incubus on repeat,
The only thing we had,
Besides that cd of Steve’s.
I saw the morning view,
The storm out on the ocean,
And your kaleidoscope of calm.

For hours we watched the clouds twist,
So unnaturally above,
As we made love
So naturally below.

 

Author's Note

Dare you to guess what this one is about.

Reviews

[Honeypot]

Hmmm? Is it a mystery what this is about? I thought this was really wonderful. If there is a metephor I'm not sure, but it seemed like a poem about a relationship the evolved from childhood and then a snippet of that relationship.

I loved these lines:

I saw the morning view,
The storm out on the ocean,
And your kaleidoscope of calm.

Nice job, but if thee's a hidden meaning you have to share! haha. :-)
I loved the lines "

[Bennett Logan]

Ah yes... Young, strong sense of abandon, optimistic, free... Your poem brought me back to many many blue nights many many years ago. I don't know how I feel about the last four lines, though... They're certainly relevant, but the entire first stanza is subtle and suggestive enough to imply fooling around or making love without actually saying it.

And I LOVE how the second stanza is so personal. I don't know who the eff Steve is, but his was the only CD they had besides Incubus as they were driving around like Amish farmers out of Best Buy in the middle of the night while on a search for ice cream. While I'm there, my only other suggestion is a restructuring. Try reading the following out loud to see if you like it set up this way. I thought it was interesting:

We were driving, rather recklessly,
To the only other city in the state,
Or maybe we were looking
For that place with the ice cream
As we listened to Incubus on repeat,
The only thing we had,
Besides that cd of Steve's.
I saw the morning view,
The storm out on the ocean,
And your kaleidoscope of calm.

It was four in the morning
And we were in the bathtub,
Upstairs at your parent's house.
All the ducks were swimming in the water,
Not lined up in a row like they used to be.
I wasn't like I used to be, not anymore.
I lay naked in your arms,
And everything was better.

I think you get a better sense of winding down, but it ends with more of a question mark than a period, which I think could be interesting. Just an idea -- let me know what you think.

I really like this poem. Totally individual, totally unique. If we were on Facebook, I'd hit the "Like" button on this one. ;) As always, keep up the good work!

[lindsay]

I really like this poem of yours. I think it sorta has an inoccent-love feel about it. I like the last stanza a lot as well. Well done =]