Nine, Ten, Eleven.

The beauty of life astounds me,
The birds in the trees
With leaves, changing,
Changing faster than I can think.
I have changed,
Better or worse is for none to say.
The fact is I am different,
I long for simplicity,
For a dog at my feet,
Beauty before me,
And love at my side.
I have abandoned the one
Who knows everything about me,
I abandon my heart
In the trees’ fallen jewels.
I have a man who truly loves me,
How is it that he has let me go?
It is October still.
I hear hounds who howl in the hills,
I promised I’d wait ‘til orange November,
For September was black with tears.
I long for your touch or for a sign that you care,
Even though he’s wonderful,
He’s still not you.
Oh! You, my love!
With your emotions in bottles
You keep on a shelf;
You with your voice like a siren,
Calling me to sleep forever in your arms.
I gave myself to you,
I cannot take that back.
I long to press into you,
Until I am engulfed once more in your love.
Unconditional it is not,
But who could ask for it to be?
I am overwhelmed by my grief,
For every mistake:
I do not give and do not deserve to take.
Forgiveness I do not deserve,
And pain seems to belong within me.
Life is yet beautiful,
And I am a walking contradiction.