Discernment

Cigarettes for breakfast
just like old times
Food tastes like ash anyway

Leaves are falling
blowing away
just like the hope
I used to have

Just like old times
not the good times
The things I thought I'd
never do again

The way I feel doesn't matter now
not to me or anyone really
Just cold and numb
blinded by the sun
haunted by the darkness
alone in every sense

My senses crumble
taste is always the first to go

Reviews

[JR]

The tone is everything in this piece, a feeling of numb. I think I've been in that same place, recently, where I'm returning to doing all those things I never said again. Damn nicotine. A technical suggestion... you repeat "sense" at the end, and it's a little jarring. I would suggest dropping the entire line "alone in every sense" because given the tone of the piece, that is a given... you don't really need to say it. Also... the way you use the last line to tie into the beginning of the poem was masterfully done. It makes the piece complete.