DivergenceA Story by moonlit_coveHave you ever wished you could go back in time to undo a past mistake? Now you can, but be careful - it may cost you.Divergence By: Moonlit_Cove
I
stood in front of the mirror and splashed water on my face. The dirty cinder-block walls of the gas
station men’s room were cold and uninviting.
The tiny space was illuminated by a single dim bulb that gave off a
yellow glow which caused me to appear even sicker in my reflection than I
actually felt. Five minutes ago I was
fine. I had only stopped here to fill my
car up. In no way did I expect to see
what I saw out there. The
water was only lukewarm, but it was as hot as this grimy faucet could
produce. I pressed the lever down,
shutting off the flow. The muffled sound
of traffic on the nearby highway leaked into the tiny chamber. The stench in the restroom was overwhelming,
but I hadn’t noticed it upon entry since I had been stricken with an immediate
desire to hide. It wasn’t until I regained
some composure that I was able to properly survey my surroundings. Behind
me was a single, graffiti-covered stall containing a commode that looked like
it hadn’t been flushed for days. Wet
toilet paper was matted to the floor.
Mold and mildew in shades of black and green were growing up the
walls. I almost vomited. I wanted so badly to burst through the door
and back out into the fresh night air, but doing so meant I ran the risk of
having to confront him. I
was startled as the locked doorknob rattled, followed by a series of firm
knocks. “I know you’re in there!” called
the man from the other side. I stood
frozen, just staring at the metal door. There’s no way out now, I thought. I’m doomed. Then without warning, my mind began to recall the events that had led me into this desperate situation.
- - - - -
A
few months ago I got a call from my friend Rob.
We hadn’t hung out for a while and he wanted to have dinner with me to
catch up on things. I met him later that
week and it all seemed innocent enough until I mentioned my painful breakup
with Janine. “I
still can’t believe she left me over a stupid misunderstanding,” I told Rob
between sips of after-dinner coffee. “She
found some old love letters from my ex that I’d stashed away in the back of my
sock drawer years before ever meeting her.
I didn’t even remember keeping them, but no matter how hard I tried, I
could not convince Janine that there was nothing between us anymore.” Rob
nodded slowly while giving me a look of genuine concern. Finally, he said, “Chris, I’m worried about
you. Janine left you - what was it - almost
a year ago now?” “We were going to get married,” was my only response
as I stared off into the distance. And
then after snapping out of it I added, “I should’ve thrown those letters away
years ago.” Rob
reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a pen. He grabbed the dinner receipt and began
writing on the back. He leaned in closer
with a look of seriousness on his face then glanced left, and right, before
motioning me to lean in as well. I
obliged. After a moment’s pause, he whispered. “I think I know someone that can help you.” I
smirked and leaned back against the booth.
A cynical laugh escaped my lips.
“Please, Rob, I don’t need a therapist!” “She’s
not a therapist. She--” I
cut Rob off with more laughter. “Oh, a she, huh? Well, I don’t need a ‘date’ either!” “It’s
not like that, Chris. Just hear me out.” My
smile faded and I leaned back in toward Rob.
He started over. “Look, I don’t
know what she is - a medium, a
hypnotist… a sorceress - I have no idea.
But I do know that she can help you.” Rob
slid the paper over in front of me. On
it was written the name Elizabeth Stonebridge along with a phone number. I stared at it, but did not pick it up. “How,
exactly, is she going to help me, Rob?” There
was a pause before he answered. “Look,
Chris, this is going to sound crazy, but…” he trailed off. After taking a moment to organize his
thoughts, he began again in a low, hushed tone.
“She can give you a second chance.
I don’t know how she does it, but she can send you back into your past
to undo something that you regret.” My
wide eyes were locked onto Rob as my mouth hung open. “Rob, what on earth are you talking
about? This is nonsense.” “It
works, Chris. Believe me - I know.” “What
are you saying - you’ve done this?” He
stared directly at me and I noticed that his eyes were reddened and welling up
with tears. “I’m doing it now,” he said,
“to save you from your sui-” He couldn’t
finish the word. I was in such shock I didn’t know what to say. All I could muster was an unsure, “I would never…” But Rob’s stern look and tears told me otherwise.
- - - - -
I could not sleep that night. I tossed and turned mulling over the conversation with Rob. Is this for real? I wondered. Would I really resort to such a drastic measure? What if he’s right? Is it possible that I could actually undo a past mistake? My forehead dripped with sweat and my mind bombarded me with myriad thoughts that ran together like a fever dream. I reached over to the nightstand and clenched the receipt with Elizabeth Stonebridge’s phone number written on it. “I’m going to do it,” I whispered. “I’m going to get Janine back.”
- - - - - Finding
Ms. Stonebridge’s place was not exactly easy.
She’d given me such vague directions that I had to second-guess a lot of
my maneuvers on the way there. Things
like, “Follow Highway 41 until you see a big rock”, and, “Turn left where
Steadman’s Market used to be.” I was
finally able to find the gravel road she mentioned and I stayed on it for what
seemed like an eternity until I crested a hill and saw the dilapidated trailer
home she’d described to me. Dark
thunderhead clouds were forming in the already overcast sky. I sat in the car staring at the tall weeds
that surrounded her rusty place. I
noticed the curtain drawn back in one of the windows and a wrinkly face peering
out at me. The face disappeared and the
curtain fell back into place as I got out of my car and headed toward the
house. The door opened just as I reached
up to knock, and I was surprised that I had to look down to see the old
lady. She couldn’t have been more than
four feet seven inches tall. “You
must be Chris.” It was more of a
statement than a question. Her voice was
high, yet raspy. “Yes
ma’am,” I answered. I hoped that my
nervousness didn’t come through in my voice.
A distant peel of thunder sounded. “Well,
get on in here before it starts raining.”
She held the door open and did her best to move aside for me to enter. After
pleasantries and small talk, she offered me a cup of tea, which I gladly
accepted. By the time she returned to
the table to pour the steaming liquid into the cup in front of me, it was
raining steadily outside. Intermittent
claps of thunder and flashes of lightning broke the awkward silence lingering
between us. She sat down across the
table from me and poured her own cup of hot tea. “There’s
sugar and cream here if you like.” She
motioned to them on the table. “I’m
okay. Thank you.” More
awkward silence as we both sipped. “How’d
you find out about me?” she finally asked. “My
friend Rob - he told me about you.” She
nodded and I wondered if she remembered him.
Then I wondered if she had a lot of clients or if Rob was one of only a
handful. “Are
you one hundred percent committed to this?”
I was surprised, not only at the question, but also at the sternness of
her tone. I hesitated, and just as I was
about to give an answer, she spoke up again.
“You have to be fully and completely committed to doing this,” she
added. “If there’s any part of you that
isn’t sure - even just a smidgeon - the consequences will be unthinkable.” “What
will happen?” My heart began to beat
faster. Steam
rose up from her teacup as she leaned in.
“You’ll experience a divergence.” My
eyebrows raised and I stared blankly back at her. “Don’t
feel bad, nobody understands it at first,” she assured me. I watched as her bony hand reached for the
sugar and poured a steady stream into her cup.
She continued, “In life, we make decisions every day and we carry on
about our lives on the course we’ve set forth before us. We can only take one path at a time.” The
rain intensified and beat down on the metal roof of the trailer, nearly
drowning out our conversation. Startling
thunder pealed once more. Ms.
Stonebridge began to speak a little louder.
“If you do this - if I send you back and there’s any part of you that’s
not ready, you may end up taking multiple paths.” She picked up her tea while giving me the
look of a harsh disciplinarian teacher, and just before taking a sip she added,
“And I can’t allow that.” I
was still confused, but I didn’t want to press my luck with the old woman. She was either certifiably crazy or she knew
exactly what she was talking about. I
hoped that Rob was right about this. “I’m
ready,” I stated firmly. “I want this
more than anything.” Without
saying a word, Ms. Stonebridge got up from the table and walked into the
adjacent room. She returned a moment
later with a notepad and a short, green candle. “Write
your name on here,” she said, sliding the notepad over toward me. “And underneath that, write the date you want
to go back to.” I
took the pad and wrote my name, followed by August 20th, 2016 - the
day that Janine found the letters and walked out on me - a date forever etched
in my mind. While I was writing, Ms.
Stonebridge pricked her finger with a needle that I hadn’t noticed her carrying
earlier. She wiped a smear of blood onto
the notepad across my name and date. “Tonight,
before you go to bed, use this candle to burn the paper. Try not to do anything else after that. Just burn the paper, then go to sleep.” I
took the note and the candle and placed them in my coat pocket. “When
I go back, will I be aware of all of this?” I moved my hand back and forth to
indicate our encounter. “Well
of course you will, young man. Otherwise
it wouldn’t work, now would it?” She
was right. If I didn’t have any memory
of our exchange, I wouldn’t remember to remove the letters from my sock drawer. “What
do I owe you?” I asked, standing to leave. “Nothing. You’ve already paid.” I’m
sure the look on my face gave away my complete confusion at that statement, but
Ms. Stonebridge just smiled in return. I
started toward the door, beyond which the rain still fell in a deluge. “You
can stay awhile until it lets up.” I considered it, but did not want to be there any longer. “I’ll be okay. Thank you,” I said as I opened the door. A moment later I was darting to my car through the downpour, eager to go home and do as she’d instructed.
- - - - -
I
was startled awake the next morning by the ringing of my phone. I stumbled to get to it in time before the
caller hung up. “Hello?” “Hey,
hon, are we still going out tonight?” I
nearly dropped the phone when I realized it was Janine. Suddenly I felt wide awake. “Yeah!
Of course we are, babe!” As
she continued speaking, I looked around the room. Subtle hints told me that last night’s
procedures had worked. Items on my
dresser were arranged differently. The
old curtains I’d replaced last year were back.
A smile overcame me as our phone call wrapped up with “I love you”, just
like it always used to. I
ran into the kitchen and looked at the magnetic calendar hanging on my
refrigerator - August 2016. My elation
soon turned to panic as I realized that I needed to find and destroy the love
letters from my ex right away. I raced
back to the bedroom and tore through the drawer in question, flinging out socks
and underwear left and right. Finally,
my hands reached the group of envelopes bundled with a rubber band that would
cause me so much trouble if left unattended. Moments later I was outside on the balcony of my apartment. I placed the letters into charcoal grill and soaked them with lighter fluid. One lit match later and the flames billowed up instantly before dying back down to a slow burn. I watched with a smile on my face, knowing I had Janine back in my life.
- - - - -
August
20th, 2016 came and went. My
date with Janine came and went also - and without incident. After dinner she still rifled through my sock
drawer to put away some laundry that I had been procrastinating to remove from
the dryer, but this time it did not cost me our relationship. As
the weeks went by, our bond only grew stronger.
We were so happy, in fact, that I proposed to her on December 14th. She said, “Yes,” of course. And so the planning began. Everything went so perfectly during that
period, and we plunged head-first into our life together without an apparent
care in the world. If only that last part had remained true.
- - - - -
One
weekend when Janine was out of town on work-related travel, I made it a point
to go back to Elizabeth Stonebridge’s place to pay her a small fee for her
services. It didn’t dawn on me until just
before I handed her the money that this was what she was referring to when she
told me I’d already paid her. I had a
moment of bewilderment as I stood in front of her holding the money. I’m sure she could tell by the puzzled look
on my face that I was confused about all of the paradoxes that were possible in
this type of situation. Ms. Stonebridge
just smiled and took the payment. I’m
certain she’d seen this look before in her other clients. I tried my best to shake off the feeling that
there may be much more to this than I could imagine. As
I was just about to exit her trailer, I couldn’t help but think back on what
she had warned me about. I paused and
turned toward her. “How do I know for
certain that I did this right?” I asked her.
“I mean, how can I tell beyond all doubt that I was fully committed at
the time?” Her
brow lowered and her expression darkened.
“If you have to ask,” she said while closing the door behind me, “then
you weren’t ready!” I stood for a moment on the stoop of her trailer home and felt the cold breeze of early winter on my cheeks. On the drive down her long gravel driveway I began second-guessing myself. What if my entire heart wasn’t in it at the time? What if some part of me, no matter how tiny, was hidden away in the recesses of my mind that was unsure? How would I ever know?
- - - - -
Days
passed, and even though Janine and I were happy together, I could not shake
this feeling that there was something else looming in the background. Something I could not put my finger on that
caused me to experience an almost constant sense of unease. I decided I needed to talk to Rob. We
met for dinner on a cold Saturday night the week between Christmas and New
Year’s. After exchanging pleasantries
Rob launched right into the conversation that he seemed to be anticipating. “So,
what’s new since Wednesday?” he asked. I
shot him a puzzled look. “Wednesday?” “Yeah. Since we met on Wednesday.” My
mouth hung open. I hadn’t met Rob on
Wednesday. In fact, I hadn’t seen him
for over a month now. It was obvious by
his look that Rob was just as puzzled as I was. “Remember,”
he began again, “you were still freaking out about your break up with
Janine. I was here to listen.” My
heart began pounding. I could feel the
pulsation of veins in my neck. My face
went flush and I wondered if my distress was visible to Rob. Apparently, it was. “Are
you alright, man? I’ve been worried
about you lately.” I
didn’t know how to answer. I was alright, up until thirty seconds
ago. I stumbled over my words, but
finally managed to eek out in a shaky voice, “Rob, I’m not broken up with
Janine. We’re engaged. And I didn’t meet you on Wednesday. I haven’t seen you since before
Thanksgiving!” “Dude,
I knew you were having issues, but now you’re just being delusional.” His reply was in a somewhat light-hearted
manner, attempting to bring down the heavy mood. The smile at the corners of his mouth was
short-lived as he noticed tears forming in my eyes, and the seriousness of what
I was telling him sank in. “I
fixed all that.” I told him. “We never broke up. And it was thanks to you. You showed me how to go back and fix it.” “Listen Chris, I want to help you. I really do. But you’ve got to get ahold of yourself. This breakup is killing you. Now you’re living in a fantasy land, and you don’t even remember meeting me three day ago.” He sat back in his chair and gave me a minute to try to rationalize a response that would make sense of the situation. I couldn’t come up with one. I just stared at him with a quivering lip and sweat beading on my forehead. Finally, He said, “You need to take care of yourself, Chris. Call me when you want to talk things through.” I watched as he stood and left the restaurant.
- - - - -
I
barely made it home without having a complete nervous breakdown. I called Janine just to make sure everything
was okay between us. The phone seemed to
ring forever. “Hello?” Janine! Thank God!
I just wanted to hear your voice!” “Who
is this?” It
dawned on me that I was panting and I sounded desperate, my voice strained and
unrecognizable. I tried to calm
down. “It’s me. It’s Chris.” “Nice
try, weirdo. Chris is with me.” The phone clicked, leaving me with a dial tone. I collapsed to the floor and lost all control of emotions. Tears came quickly and violently, and I wailed in misery as the realization flooded over me. Not only had Ms. Stonebridge’s warning of the divergence come true, but I was now competing with my other self.
- - - - -
After
composing myself, I tried to reason out how this had happened. Why had
the other “me” suddenly moved in on Janine when he was supposedly so distraught
over the breakup? How did he know he
could approach her again as if nothing had happened between them? Rob must have said something to him on Wednesday. But how?
Up until our dinner meeting a half hour ago Rob didn’t know that I’d traveled
back to “fix” things with Janine. I
had to get to Janine’s apartment right away.
After grabbing my keys and dashing out to start the car, I let out an
audible groan as I realized that the needle on the fuel gage was dipping below
the “E”. The first stop would have to be
the closest gas station. I
breathed a sigh of relief as I pulled the car up next to the gas pump,
practically coasting in on fumes. The
nozzle was cold in my hand, but I had no choice except to hold it after
noticing that the little lever for setting it to automatic fill was broken off. Just as the pump clicked off I heard a
familiar voice behind me. I glanced over
my shoulder and my heart almost stopped.
Walking out of the gas station was Janine, followed by a man. Me. They
were laughing. They were happy. She did not see me, but just before entering
her car, he did. He saw me.
The “other me” saw me. I
took two steps backward so that the gas pump would block Janine’s sight line
toward me. I heard the other me say
something urgent to Janine and then quickly dart off back inside the store. Even though I’m not normally a
confrontational person, I had to get to the bottom of this. And there would never be a better time than
at that moment. With
my back to Janine, I cautiously pursued myself inside the building. The rows of junk food and magazines were
brightly lit, and I quickly peered down each one for any sign of “him”. “Your
brother went into the men’s room,” said a clerk from behind the counter. He must
think I’m a twin. I guess for all
intents and purposes I am. “Thanks,”
I returned, and headed to the back of the main aisle. I
rattled the locked doorknob and followed it with a series of firm knocks. “I know you’re in there!” I called. At
first there was only silence. I tried
the knob again, and this time it turned freely in my hand. I saw myself backed into the corner against
the wall. I took a few steps inward and
closed the door behind me. The
other me was breathing hard and sweating profusely. His eyes were practically bugged out of his
head. “I’m the one who’s supposed to get
Janine.” I sated firmly. “No,”
he replied between erratic breaths, “I am.”
He swallowed hard before continuing.
“You’re the split-off. I’ve been
here all along.” I
took a step closer and he raised his hands up while pressing his back harder against
the wall. I reached forward and grabbed
him by the wrist. There was an immediate
buzzing sensation upon the contact. It
was as if a prickly, numbing wave was working its way up my arm, into my chest
and up my neck. Soon my head was humming
with a vibration I’d never experienced before.
I was unsure if the other me was experiencing the same phenomenon. His expression was one of horror, but it had
been that way since I’d entered the room.
The buzzing intensified, and I had the sensation that the grip of my
hand had loosened around his wrist. I
tightened it more and more until I realized that my fingers were imbedded in
the palm of my own hand as if I had pressed right through him. The
vibration in my body began to fade, and as it did, so did the other me. He became translucent like the body of a
jellyfish. His image grew lighter and
lighter until he was gone altogether.
The buzzing sensation stopped. Except
for the muffled traffic in the distance, the room was quiet. It took a moment for me to gather my
thoughts. I turned and looked at myself
in the mirror. I looked normal. I felt normal. A smile came across my face as I realized I
had won. Janine was mine now. I
darted out of the men’s room and down the main aisle of the store. After bursting through the front door, I
stopped dead in my tracks. The steam of
my breath in the cold air surrounded me in a cloud. Janine had left.
- - - - -
Back
at my apartment five minutes later, multiple phone call attempts to Janine
confirmed my worst fear. I hadn’t won. I was living back in my original
timeline. The only explanation that I
could conjure up in my mind was that contact with my other self had caused a
reset. Janine hadn’t left the gas
station - she was never there. The agony of this realization washed over me and sent me into a downward spiral like I had never experienced before - even worse than when I’d initially lost Janine. I broke down. Everything that transpired thereafter is a haze, a muddied fog. I remember amassing bottles of pills from all over my apartment. I remember sitting on the edge of my bed and placing them on the sheets in a pile. I remember reaching for a bottled water on my nightstand. Then I remembered Rob. His warning about why he’d visited Ms. Stonebridge rang in my ears. If I failed, then he failed too. I
was jolted out of my fog by an intense banging on my front door. A quick glance through the peephole revealed
Rob with an urgent and frightened look on his face. He raced across the threshold the moment the
locks were undone. He
was out of breath. “I’m here to help
you,” he gasped, “Don’t believe anything he says!” As he was saying this he pointed over his
left shoulder. I leaned across the
threshold to see who he was referring to.
An immediate knot developed in my throat when I saw another Rob walking
slowly toward us. My pulse elevated as
it began to dawn on me what this meant. “You
weren’t one hundred percent sure you wanted to save me?” I asked the Rob closer
to me. “Of
course, I am!” “Then
why is he here?” I pointed at Rob number two who had just stopped
short of entering the doorway. The first
Rob did not answer. “Admit
it, Rob,” barked out Rob number two, “There was a small part of you that was
glad when Chris killed himself.” I
shot Rob number one a concerned look, but he just shook his head violently. Rob
two continued, “Oh yes there was. You
see, Chris, shortly after you and Janine broke up I secretly started dating
Janine. You found out and that was the
icing on the cake that led to your…well, demise.” My
mouth hung open as I looked back at Rob one.
He was no longer trying to deny it.
His head hung low in shame. Rob
two continued, “It was terrible to lose you as a friend, Chris, but being with
Janine was just so incredible. I was
torn on what to do. Part of me wanted to
save you,” he nodded toward Rob one, “But part of me was selfish. I’ll let you work out the percentages.” Rob one had heard enough and lunged forward to engage himself in a fight. I watched as they grappled and struggled in the hallway. Rob one slowly faded away until he was gone, leaving Rob two panting heavily outside my doorstep. “I’m sorry, Chris,” he yelled as I slammed the door and fastened the locks.
- - - - -
I’d lost Janine, and now I’d lost Rob as well. They were together now, trying to keep this all a secret from me. I worked my way back down the hallway and into my bedroom. The pile of pills was gone. In its place, sitting on the edge of the bed, was a note.
Chris, I
have felt horrible about what happened between us on this night for over a year
now. I had to come back one last time
and set things straight. I assure you
there is no other “me” out there to contradict this action. I am one hundred percent committed. Since you now know everything that has
happened between you and I, I cannot remain in your life. The thought of what I’d done to you would be
too much to see you again in person.
However, even though I’ve moved far away, Janine is yours again. Call her.
I’ve made everything right between you two. Rob
I
collapsed onto the bed with tears welling in my eyes. After composing myself, I dialed Janine’s
number. After she answered, I gave a
cautious, yet optimistic, “Hello.” “Hi,
babe. How was your day?” she asked. I tried my best to carry on a normal conversation with her as a wide smile cracked across my face and tears rolled down my cheeks.
© 2018 moonlit_cove |
StatsAuthormoonlit_coveShepherdsville, KYAboutWriting is just a hobby for me - one of my many methods of creative expression, along with artwork, music, building scale models, restoring old cars, and, of course, reading. If I didn't have artis.. more..Writing
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