Nostalgia

A brief essay about longing for the past.

Nostalgia 

[I’m going to deviate drastically here from my normal catalog of fictional suspense stories to pour out a heart-felt, first draft, info-dump of an essay concerning my current mood.  Just thought I’d give a fair warning.] 

          I have been feeling very nostalgic lately.  I get this way every once in a while.  Usually this is triggered by hearing a snippet of a song that I haven’t heard in a very long time, or experiencing a smell that I haven’t encountered in decades.  When this happens, memories come flooding unannounced into my head and I find it very hard to shake them.  Sometimes I don’t want to shake them. 

Perfect example:  Once I was walking down the hallway at my workplace.  Someone passed me going the opposite direction, and in the wake of their breeze I smelled the soap that my mother used to bathe me with when I was a very young child.  After the co-worker was out of sight around the corner, I stopped in my tracks and inhaled deeply, eyes closed.  The memories washed over me instantly.  I could see the bar of soap in my mother’s hand and feel the loving way that she gently bathed me while singing softly.  I could see the green tiles lining the bathtub in our modest home.  I could even see the shag carpet on the stairway just outside the bathroom.  I didn’t seek out any of these memories, but they felt so good in that moment that I didn’t want to leave them.  Eventually, of course, the scented breeze faded, as did my pleasant childhood memory. 

Another one that comes to mind is a time when I was grocery shopping (of all things) and I heard a song from the late ‘70s that I hadn’t come across in probably 30 years or more.  Immediately, I was plunged into memories of riding in the car with my mother before I was of a schooling age, listening to that very song on an 8-track player she had in the car.  I could visualize how I used to stand behind her seat and lean against the car door with my arm resting in the window.  (This was before all the regulations about kids having to be in a car/booster seat until they are five-foot-ten, or 120 pounds, or 19 years old - whichever comes first.  No one cared where or how we rode back then.  If I wasn’t leaning against the door, I was lying in the package tray above the rear seat, but I digress). 

While standing in the grocery listening to that song, I could also visualize with amazing clarity all of the stores we used to visit in my hometown - how they were all laid out inside, and even the sounds and smells. 

I love it when this happens - when I’m ambushed by a song, or a scent, or a movie scene, or even an uttered phrase that triggers something in my mind which takes me back home as a child.  Sometimes I can purposefully conjure up these feelings, but it is never quite as impactful when I force it. 

Today, however, I have had these feelings non-stop, and I can’t put my finger on why.  There was no song.  There was no scent.  There wasn’t anything that triggered these feelings.  It just happened.  Maybe it’s because of the Christmas season (a time that I annually long to experience as a child again, to no avail) mixed with the fact that I now have a small child of my own and I wish for him to be able to look back one day and have wonderful childhood memories as well. 

The memories that my son will look back on someday are being made right now, and I need to constantly keep this in mind.  Even though he is only 21 months old, each day when I come home from work he looks a little bit older to me.  There will come a time when he is no longer excited to see me come through that door in the afternoons, but right now I have that - and I cherish the heck out of it. 

I guess the thing that I’m trying to convince myself of today is to enjoy every moment because in ten, twenty, thirty years, this will be the time I wish I could go back to.  Someday I will again hear one of the toddler songs that my son loved way back in 2016 and I will remember with wet eyes how he used to smile and shout, “Daddy!” then run over to hug my leg as I entered the house from work.  In my mind I will relive sweeping him up, spinning him around, and kissing his little cheek. 

The good news is, his nostalgia days are just beginning.  I must choose every activity, every reaction, and every conversation with him wisely so that in the distant future when he passes someone in the hallway that uses the same aftershave as me, he might stop and smile and think of the great times we had together and the love I gave to him.

Reviews

[Zoya]

This is just lovely! I can seriously relate to it, and I guess most of the people can who read this story. Yeah, childhood is a time that should be cherished by each and everyone. A really great write. I loved it!

[moonlit_cove]

Thank you, Zoe! I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. Glad you could relate to the story. :-)

[Zoya]

My pleasure :)

[Quinn W]

First of all, I'M SO HAPPY YOU'RE BACK! You have no idea how much I've missed you, my friend! I don't care what you write, your writing is always brilliant. Secondly, this brings up so many good points as to how people should treat others, not just children. You should try to create pleasant memories for everyone. Although I'm just a teenager, I often have times of nostalgia as well. I see a dog that looks like my old dog, see a shirt an old friend had once, hear a song like you said, etc. These times can be sad, but they're what keep me human.

[moonlit_cove]

Thank you so much, Quinn! I've missed you, too! And thank you for your kind comments as well. You are correct that this can apply to our interactions with anyone. And you may find (at least I did) that the older you get, the more intense these feeling are when you have them. So nice to hear from you again, Quinn. It's good to be back.