Chapter One-Sand

A Chapter by sonnetmoon

Anna journeys through a desert.

The horizon bled out into the landscape. Flecks of amber and crimson light danced alongside each other. Anna could hear the Ghost whispers carried by the desert wind.Her face was drenched with sweat. Everything had died along time ago.

Yet she stood there. Unmoving. For an unknown period of time. She would be rich if sand was as precious as gold. Anna scooped up a handful. She felt the roughness of each grain against her palm. In the very distance she could see an African Village. Anna started to stuff her bag with sand. Her bag was now full. She ran her tongue along her cracked lips. A metallic taste entered her mouth. The humidity was unbearable.God seemed to be punishing her. However she wasn't going to give up (Not yet anyway).

She wandered for miles and miles. It gave her a chance to reflect. Her original intention had not been clear at the start. Maybe it was because she felt guilty. Anna wasn't exactly a moral role model. Neither did she claim to be. After all she was human. She remembered learning about the unfortunate in school. How one person around the world would die every second. Most people have forgotten the suffering souls of Africa. Anna wasn't like most people. She had found her true purpose in life.

Dehydrated and tired, her legs began to feel weak. She wondered if her parents would be looking for her. Her mother had a tendency to become neurotic. Tears began to taint her burnt skin. She was getting closer to her destination. The veil of night was approaching fast. After many hours she found a large rock. Anna walked over to it and sat down. She tilted her head and gawked at the stars above. Anna became transfixed with their beauty.

She allowed her head to droop. Sleep would soon claim her. Her conscious sate of mind was slowly ebbing away. Eventually she was engulfed in her own eternal abyss.

***

"Daddy can I help?" her little hand tried to grab the paintbrush. Her father picked her up and placed her on the stool. He then handed her a brush. Anna dipped it in the paint and started covering the fence with it. Once they had finished they went inside to drink lemonade. Anna noticed her fathers sad expression. He was smiling yet his eyes portrayed emptiness.

"What's wrong daddy? why don't your eyes smile?" she questioned. For a brief moment he didn't say anything.

"People cant always be happy" His voice sounded delicate. Almost fragile.

"Why?" Anna's continued sipping on her lemonade.

"If I took away your toys would you be happy?"

"No I would be very mad" she pouted. Her father playfully pinched one of her rosy cheeks.

"Do you understand now?" Anna nodded her head. Her father collected their empty glasses. The sound of her mothers voice echoed in the house. Her mother walked straight passed her.

"John why has she got paint all over her?" her mother shouted. Anna covered her little ears. She hated it when people argued.

"Daddy was only letting me help. Leave him alone. Your the reason why Daddy is unhappy" Anna slammed her small fist on the table. Her mother remained speechless. In a matter of minutes her mother left the room.

Her father walked over to her and ruffled her hair. Anna smiled back at him.

***

Anna's breathing was now erratic. Her dream about the past had been so real. She dreamt about her father often. Many of her happy memories included her father. Anna remembered the day that he died. She remembered the nights when she couldn't fall asleep. Insomnia. Her mother married a year after his death. The trip to Africa was meant to bring the family together.

She knew that there was a possibility she could die in the desert. Deep in her mind she wasn't afraid of death anymore. She felt her father watching over her.

Reluctantly she got off the ground. She only had a few more miles before she reached the African Village. Anna barely had any energy left to continue. After many hours of walking she eventually arrived. The locals stared at her. She hated the scrutiny of their gaze. Yet this did not discourage her. She carried on walking until she reached the local fountain. The cool liquid soothed her dry throat. her frantic drinking caused water to spill out the sides of her mouth. Never in her life had she valued water so much.

next chapter

© 2013 sonnetmoon

Author's Note

Please suggest ways I can improve this. Thank you for reading.

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Reviews

C.M Grogan

Just wow. I could learn a thing or two about description just from reading this. You really did a good job! This read so vivid. The first sentence brought me in and everything that followed carried me along. I especially liked the line "why don't you smile with your eyes?" because, well for one it's very good, but also because a lot of times kids just have this great intuitiveness...which you showed effortlessly with that line alone. I really can't think of anything to suggest making this better. You're on a roll.

Posted 11 Years Ago

kdanill

This is good, Sonnetmoon. You've taken me somewhere, which is the important part of writing. I will say that by paragraph two, I already know Anna's name. Therefore you can refer to her as she and her. Keep in mind that you are an artist that is painting a picture with words. Every important detail has its shades, so expand upon it. The lesser details, "Her mother's neurotic behavior" is unnecessary. Good work. I'll be back to read more so keep it up. Thank you, Kdanill

Posted 11 Years Ago

11 Years Ago

Thank you for your advice. I will make improvements.

This was a really nice piece of writing and I'm looking forward to reading more! The only suggestion I have is that perhaps you could elaborate a little more with your description. Try adding in a few more commas instead of full stops and some adverb rich subordinate clauses for example: "The cool liquid soothed her dry throat, a formless hand tenderly caressing the coarse skin." Other than that I have no real advice for a great first chapter :)