Did it, when I thought I gave it all up

all day today, i sat there,

thinking about, looking at it,

thinking how good it would feel

for all this noise to stop,

for this ache in my heart to stop.

I’ve been telling myself for weeks now,

I thought i was over it all.

I talked it out as well,

Gave away to another lost soul like me,

or maybe not as lost.

And then today laying in bed,

My heart squeezed like it would stop,

the world came crashing down,

I said my sorries,

I apologised to myself,

I can’t stand it any longer.

I cut myself, the first to stop the noise,

the screech that woke me up night after night,

to stop faking it anymore.

the control the blade over me is lifelong,

maybe even my first love.

I cut again coz the noise came back,

I asked myself what is it,

who is shouting,

it was me, shouting, dying

since i was 12.

Nothing will ever be the same.

The scars from before will now be over written

there are fresher deeper ones.

am scared.

one day in shutting the noise,

i’ll just rip it right out my ears.