what i do at 2:43 in the morning.

i want to reach the heights

of heaven

like Ryuichi Kawamura's voice

and crash on the ocean waves

i breathe, extend a hand,

i exist but am not here

you know, 20 minutes ago

i felt the need to cry

and the melancholy 

clawing desperation

however i was listening

to Jun Togawa records

and if that goddess is singing

to me i don't need myself

a photograph reinforced

my melancholy and

the nostalgia and broken love

of what never was

i forgot to tell you--love is a lie!

simultaneously it's the only thing i have

i want to say "we" but i cannot believe

that i can exist collectively, with you

however, i know we're together in the stars

well, when it's like this...

there's nothing to do but pick myself up

and try to return to whatever it is i love

or...just go to sleep