Expression in Pain, Part 1

You didn't ask me to stop.

Only a couple asked me to stop.

You didn't ask me to stop.

He suffered the same, I resented at the time

but now I wish I could thank him for trying.

But he doesn't want me around anymore.

I hurt myself and it made me hurt a lot of people

who used to love me.  And I wish I wasn't

damn crying.  It's over.  And not like they

didn't do the same to me.  It was an abuse

of equality, in proportion.  I turned sadomasochistic.

They were so masochistic they couldn't see anything

other than their own selves and the sadism was unintentional

on all parts.  It was the same with me.  After all this time

I have not healed.  I have learned, managed to learn--

Clawed my way to make something of this pain, this trauma,

this desertion.  And so what I'm able to see is that she was right when she said "no regrets" and she was right when she said there's no such thing as revenge.  No regrets!  If it never happened I wouldn't be shaped to who I am now.  Even if sometimes I have crying spells or flashbacks.  I get cherry pits in the chest.  Or an attack where I can't breathe and in my panic--THERE IS NO SUCH PERSON!  IT NEVER HAPPENED.  IT WASN'T REAL.  NO, NO!