Sweetheart

sweetheart, darling of my daydreams

some part of me loves you as more than a friend

and i doubt i could ever let you know

because i never want you to let me go

straight girl, enormously beautiful girl

purest soul in the world.

i cry now and then.  just a little.

i remember once at 5:30am

listening to a song we both know

so sensual.  and when it was over

i couldn't help what i did.

and so i met you only in daydream,

did things in pretend.  i don't want to repeat them,

but it starts with a kiss.  you resisted me, pulled away

as if to say "what are you doing?!"

i let go.  in your little bedroom, on the mat.

you allowed me this time.  we were both scared,

but grew disarmed.  it could've lasted forever.

but i closed the story in my fairytale book.

they were just thoughts, natural, right?

but i wept in tears at what i had done.

it's not usually like that.  it tends to be

very romantic and pure.  

but nothing stops it happening.

straight girl, you are the world.

adolescent shame.  adolescent pain.

i don't understand anything.

except that i love you with everything,

my dear friend.

and i'll grow to be ok with that.