Monday's latest suicide poem

Do you know the mixture of sorrow

and relief when you cry?

That's what it'll be like when I go.

Do you know how it feels when your

favorite movie ends?

I didn't want it to but it did.  I didn't

want to but I did.  I don't want to

but I am.

I am going to.  I am going.  I am.  I.

Then it's over.  I is no longer here.

My consciousness went somewhere

else.  My existence went on holiday

to another world.

I leave you alone because I can't. I

can't leave you alone.  I love you.  I

hate myself.  I hate you.

Wait!  Please don't go.  Where are

you going?  He cried just like me but

at least he was beautiful and

mattered.  I am only martyred.

I love you.  And when I do that the

images repeat.  It starts out sweet

then I mess up everything.  I hurt

you.  I hurt myself.  It does not stop.

Nor does anything else.  Then all

that's left is the dust that was once

dreams.  Did I leave you or did you

leave me?  Your presence left me but

the marks you left on me do not

leave.  Therefore every day I grieve.

You refuse to leave.  I hate you.  I

love you.  Or maybe neither or maybe

both.  I can't discern anything

anymore.  I don't remember

anything anymore.  I remember

what should be remembered.  I want

you to know I love you but I can't

say it.  And if I can you will

misunderstand the statement.  If

you did you wouldn't believe me

because you don't believe it, do

you?  That you can be loved.  You

shake every inch of me down to my

soul.  You are so terrifyingly beautiful

and I cry and I smile.  Haunt me like

a living ghost but somehow I like it,

the masochist that I am.  I am.  I am

leaving.  I am leaving all of my things

to you.  I won't hurt anyone anymore.

I'm going.  I'm going to.  Will you

remember me for that minute?  I

used to think a minute could pass so

quickly...

No one will hurt me anymore.  You

promised.  A promise.  I promised.  I

vowed.  You lied.  And I cried out

loud.  I lied.  Everyone lied.

I love you.  I am going.  I am leaving

my things to you.  Nobody loves you

like me.  No one.

As if everything carries me to you.

I'll wait for you outside.

Chaos...destroying everything...

I can't be near you, the light just

radiates.