I Am A Clown

A Poem by Moomin

I played the part and lost love

Who likes the clown?
The strange man with the painted smile
The sad figure with the baggy trousers and the horn under his arm
Who loves the clown, when he is soaked and bashed
When he slips and tumbles?
Why does he take it?
Where does he go when he's not fooling around?

When I was a boy
I found that people loved laughter
People loved singing
They all loved mocking voices
And so I became the clown
The entertainer of the class, of the factory, of the home

I joked and bounced
Sang and danced
Impersonated the famous and the familiar
My audience grew
I was someone
I could capture their attention

And often, among my admirers was the pretty one
My foolishness and my songs were worth a sweet smile from her
My bruises and near misses were a fair trade for her gentle laughter
And many times, when I sang boldly
I sang for her, that blue-eyed angel

My fun and my singing brought me closer to those I wanted to be near
Yet, I did not know what circus I was creating
For through the laughter and tunes
Through all the energy and dazzlement
They saw, not a lost soul
Not a lover longing to love
But a clown

As time past, I tried to shed my pantomime skin
And to embrace the profoundness of life
The elegance of beauty
And the need for warm company

Yet my path was set, my show was open
They could not see past my large smile
Could not discern the boy behind the jester
All they wanted was to smile, to laugh, to be serenaded
And she, this little beauty
She stood among them
Applauding
Smiling
Enjoying

Would I have torn these tumbled down rags and shown this heart, I would
Would have spoken words of fondness and care
Would have laughed no more

But the words of the song echoed true for me

"See the funny little clown
See the puppet on a string
Wind him up and he will sing
Give him candy he will dance
But be certain not to feel
If his funny face is real"

(With thanks to the David Cassidy song)