Behind Bars

.

Death boozed afterlife, too slowly.

Turning up the volume,

it relished the scream of Vices.

They were detained for yielding ruins.

By the time Death had a hangover,

the Vices had strained off their existence,

performed their ablution

with the lightest second of oblivion.

 

The refiner’s work was done,

making its lip grin again.

Reviews

[Fran Marie]

this poem reminds me
of an old movie
" The Lost Weekend "
about an alcoholic
while on a binge
kills..

They find their escape
In the bottom of a bottle
or so they think ..only
to find they're really Behind
Bars of their own making
An apt title for this piece

it's a one way ticket to
hell's prison where the
devil has in reality won ..

nice work

[moog-drika]

if it were actually possible to kill the crime rather than killing people. Sigh.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. It really means a lot.

[Rusteangi Ruba]

Exactly the poem had classic story touch...it's amzing pal

[Coyote Poetry]

A complete tale in your words my friend.
"The refiner’s work was done,
making its lip grin again"
I loved the above the lines. A grin, maybe finally content? Thank you for a amazing poem shared.
Coyote

[moog-drika]

Could be content but don't know for how long. Thank you so much for the compliment. Means a lot. :D

[Coyote Poetry]

Always my pleasure to read your work and you are welcome my friend.

[moog-drika]

Likewise my friend. :D

[Just Kim]

This is a wonderful write here, enjoyable

[moog-drika]

Thank you so much for the compliment. Means a lot!

[Paul Bell]

This reads like a fantastic epitaph.
He died just as lockdown was introduced, luckily the booze had done its job and he died unsober. The grim reaper was back in work but this time booze wasn't the culprit.

[moog-drika]

I so want the grim reaper to kill all the Vices for real. The world would look so pure. Anyway, thanks so much for such a beautiful interpretation. It shows a clearer picture of the piece.

[likesgreeneggsandham]

A haunting read, beautifully done. Reminds me of the late Elliot Smith song Between the Bars.

[moog-drika]

That song is a poem itself. It has so many emotions. Anyway, thanks so much for the compliment. It means a lot :D

[likesgreeneggsandham]

I had a feeling you would know it. Your poetry evoked a lot of the same emotion in me. Once again, lovely. Keep it up.

[Lox]

From what I understand, Death when drunk is dying of sins and its hangover is when those who died repent?

So death is both the punisher and refiner?

May I suggest adding lines between the first and second stanza? Kindly explain the process of how Death boozed on the afterlife and how the vices are detained for yielding ruins.

I mean, I think you need to elaborate the drinking process. That is the purpose why we drink alcohol, to forget our woes and current thinking with a story born from a drunken haze. That's a story that could well fit in your poem @moog-drika

[moog-drika]

Well, I made it vague intentionally so you can create your own story from the piece. I usually do that with my poetry. I prefer keeping it incomplete over explaining the story. That's just my style. Because I like collecting different meanings from people's interpretation. I feel, that rather makes my poetry complete. But thank you so much for raising all the questions. Even though I want to but I cannot decode the plot. But I would love to have answers from you if you find any :D :D

[Lox]

I see I see, I just thought that's why you wrote, "A rough write. Something is still not right, i don't know why." In the description so I thought I might add this.

I see you like to give off that mystery vibe in your works. Nicely done

[moog-drika]

Ohh yaas! I might make a little bit more changes, but without losing the mystery vibe, you know :D
Thank you so much for the praise. Means a lot. :'D

[Papaya]

feels like an individual chained to their vices, to their ultimate demise

[moog-drika]

still waiting for it to actually happen. But death is drunk. haha. thanks so much :D

[barleygirl]

I can't come up with anything to say that's equal to this poem. I will wig out & refer to Rob's (bunny) most toe-tweaking explanation, along with the observation that you paint an extended metaphor using great double-meaning terminology, much in the same way that our master Jacob does it! You should be proud! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[moog-drika]

Although not behind bars, but behind room is giving me enough time to think about several stuffs that end up messing up my imaginations. But yes, double meaning play in the poetry is definitely fun! Thank you so much for the compliment, motivation, review and everything that helps me a lot in my progress. Hope you stay safe. *HUGS* and *LOTS OF LOVE*

[Robert Trakofler]

alcohol as the tool of the oppressor is what im gleaning from this... So many drink for reasons myriad to stave from the hollowness of circumstance to the self medication of mental illness and of course some just have the genetic predisposition to alcoholism. so i am getting this dual meaning of behind bars to be imprisonment and literally behind a bar or tavern both can be a form of restraint one passive the other direct having been a patron of both of these bars I can say the parallels do resound to me LOL justice is a perspective and it has no true definition anymore it is as fluid as a glass of wine these days my dear Mughdah Moog Drika with my favorite assonant name

[moog-drika]

I had to read the interpretation again and again to understand the whole scenario you explained here. I'm apologizing in advance if I make any mistake in understanding it. I found two of the different reasons why anyone inclines to alcoholism. And how both imprisonment and tavern symbolize restrictions directly or indirectly. One thing I must say that you caught one of the concepts that I tried to depict here subtly which is relating two meanings of bars and what can happen behind them. This makes me so happy that I can't even express. And surely justice doesn't have any true definition, it's variable. If we say the punishment of vices shows justice, some may consider it injustice. The world is really drunk. Haha. However, thank you so much for such a deep review. It added a different dimension to the piece to ponder.
PS: it seems like you enjoy pronouncing my name too hahaha So glad you love it. :D

[Robert Trakofler]

yes it is a splendid name for a splendid heart

[Brian Shepard]

I enjoy the personification of vices. I'd suggest capitalizing the word to underline that they are an entity rather than a category of the authors actions. Its a battlefield poem. Lovely.

[moog-drika]

Thank you so much for highlighting that. Done modifying the word to show what I really wanted to show. Thanks a bunch for the compliment too. Means a lot.

[wordman]

and justice for all if that`s possible in our society

[moog-drika]

Nope. It's possible in other worlds but never in our society. Thanks so much.