Imitated Obsession

Narcissist, Homosexual or Autosexual?

I got a glimpse of her 

  staring at me with an enchantment

    like she was trying to edit my presence.

I felt something for her.

Her inky eyes were pulling me towards her,

       it seemed like she read my newborn feelings.

Hushed interactions were going on 

making my feelings even more mature.

She kept imitating my persona

and I couldn't understand her atypical originality. 

I looked for a golden trait in her twisted soul,

a unique love,

   different from mine.

I kept wanting her to get out of the shady mirror,

yet she stood behind it.

Feelings got desperate to get her reflected existence,

      but I couldn't reach her.

A bitter insanity was eating me up.

      but I still couldn't reach her.

Losing all the breath of life, 

   my feelings took her soul with mine,

     and I was left with my expired figure.

Author's Note

it took me 2 years (2014-12016) to write something on this theme. So I really have a deep feeling for this write. I do welcome constructive criticism. I know there are flaws in the write, I wish to modify it too since I wrote it when I was kinda amateur that time.
However, people say that this is one of the weakest pieces I wrote down. It hurt me a little thinking if it's so bad. Hence, I wanna know your opinion.

Reviews

[_d e n i a l_]

omg wow so good I'm so glad i found this sight because its poetry like this that keeps me alive...i know that I'm not alone thank you for writing this...please keep up the amazing work

[moog-drika]

Thank you so much for the compliment.. It really inspired me a lot.. :D

[_d e n i a l_]

sure anytime

[Emily]

You did a very good job on this!
Keep up the great work!

[moog-drika]

Thank you so much for the compliment :D It means a lot :D

[R J Askew]

I like 'edit my presence' .. intense stuff. Another person? Or part of one being? The otherness could even be a poem.

[moog-drika]

or could be a charming enigma :D
Thank you so much :D

[Coyote Poetry]

I really liked this poem. You create place of mystery and tale of chance.
"Losing all the breath of life,
my feelings took her soul with mine,
and I was left with my expired figure."
I did like the above ending. Made me wish to know more. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[moog-drika]

Thanks a lot for the praise. :) I'm inspired:D

[Coyote Poetry]

Was my pleasure to read your work and you are welcome.

[Leslie Philibert]

Like this too, this has an almost metaphysical obsession with emotions, shades of Donne, or the moral teachings of Milton. Good work.

[moog-drika]

Thank you so much. I'm inspired :)

[Tsubaki Kuro]

Wow. Very good. Nice work there thought-poker. I like it

[moog-drika]

thanks a lot :D

[Writing Angel]

honestly i loved it..as it showed real true points that any can relate to...amazing and artful

[moog-drika]

thanks a lot :D

[Une coccinelle]

I love the imagery in the beginning "edit" "ink" "read." Makes me think "sometimes we don't understand why life writes itself the way it does." The pull that she had on you comes through by pulling in the reader. If I was to give a suggestion I would say to try and bring back the theme of writing into the end. There is a lot of potential for this poem with a little expanding. Great writing!

[moog-drika]

i kept your words in my mind. i'll definitely try to work on the end part of the writing.. thanks so much :D

[Chris]

What we see in a "look" can pause our world - especially when it's into our own eyes.

[moog-drika]

Exactly.. This kind of relationship takes us to a different world :)

[Ruth]

Excellent metaphor and weaving...captivated me and gave me pause for thought...pleased to meet you thought-poker :)

[moog-drika]

Thanks so much :D it inspired me a lot :)