A Relapse Of Grief

I have been too anxious to get my learner’s permit for several years. After finally getting it, the route home passed the funeral home where a service was held for a friend of mine.

To drive past a funeral home
That you know better than most
Is to have more guts
Than me

My mom does it
As we come home
From me finally getting my learners
Three years late

And I try to pretend that I am looking
At the library’s central branch
Because really it’s very cool

But it’s obvious I am not

I am looking at that poorly lit
Cement building
And I can smell the sadness from here

My mom asks me not to have
A funeral like that

I say yes
Like I always do

And look down at my lap
Where the permission to make
Stupid choices
Has been sitting for the last fifteen minutes

And I turn up the music

Author's Note

I did not even edit this. Just wanted to put it somewhere. Suggestions welcome.