Gone

                                Chapter 1: Gone

                I opened my eyes slowly, blinked twice to obtain a cloudless vision. The bleakness faded away as I stared blankly at a rococo ceiling but the gauzy strands of cobwebs hung like a ghostly veils ruining its elegance. I positioned my hand in my view of sight, few inches above my face where a ray of sunlight passed through the room.  I sensed the soothing warmth from the sun and it felt like I had been craving it for a long time. I grinned unconsciously then glimpsed at the slight gap between the shady curtains beside me that allowed the sunlight to pierce in the living room. As I lowered my right hand, I gradually got up and sat at the comfy couch which I slept from the beginning. Facing a 32’ inch flat screen television-I estimated. That’s the only “normal” thing inside this room actually. With the tree of golden bones, hanging black Santas, glow in the dark cuneiform writings and different figurines at the shelves that I didn’t recognized. It’s more like a museum than a house I thought.

                 The oddity of the room around me made me scratch the back of my head. Then, I dropped my hand and placed it on my legs. There’s something in my fingers, I thought.  I opened my slightly closed hand slowly and I saw crimson blood in my palm.  I shrugged. My forehead creased and my body didn’t move a bit while I stared at my own blood. A regular person would probably felt tormented by now but it’s strange that I am not. I felt nothing. I scratched my back head again with force and more blood oozed in my hand but still I felt empty.

                   I gazed at my left hand without the crimson beast. As I thought of some kind of plan to know what happened to me. I moved it in front of my mouth then I bit my hand’s flesh.  I didn’t felt pain. It’s like I’m kissing my hand rather than biting it. All of a sudden, blood spurted from my hand through my mouth, it tasted like iron with some salty and bitter tones as well. I spitted it out. I didn’t noticed I drove a lot of force through my bite, I removed my hand and wrapped it up with my black checkered neck tie. “I’m right” I whispered with a gloomy tone.

                  Fear and Pain which defined my humanity suddenly vanished from me. Numbness ruled me entirely that’s what I assumed. I stood up and walked through the Chinese carpet but glimpsed back at my couch. It was stained by blood, I can’t almost determine the original color of the couch aside from the presiding crimson. It’s assuredly impossible for a person to survive that much of blood loss but for some occurrence I lived. I’m like in a bathtub filled with my own blood without me noticing it. Maybe it’s because I wore a black tuxedo like I attended a prom night with an equinox theme. But I was still stunned I didn’t feel any agony from my wounds.

                  I gasped for air and walked through the house to search the bathroom. I felt the tacky blood in my feet as I stepped at the cold floor. I glanced through the walls and noticed the few imitation of famous paintings, a gigantic family picture frame posted in a wall beside the stairs, and weird decorations from Asian countries. It seemed like I knew where the bathroom was because it’s not that difficult for me to find it. I believed I had a google map in my brain... I smirked because of that thought.

                  I’m obviously standing right in front of the bathroom door so I opened it. I entered the room and switched on the light then I saw a rectangular mirror which consumed a lot of spaced at the wall. “Who are you?” I screamed while facing the mirror. I saw a teenage boy... around 17. He had an oblong snowy face with a sturdy jaw line. He had a dark brown hair and thick eyebrows with a scar on the other left which made him looked fierce. His eyes were green as a newly bloomed plant. Then, a long nose bent over continually pursed lips, which were pale and lifeless.  

                The only reply I heard was the echo made by my loud voice. There’s no one in the bathroom aside from me. I asked again but this time I touched my face with both hands feeling my flesh while looking at the mirror. I gasped while I lowered my hand and kept silent for a few minutes just staring at my reflection.

                Then, I broke the deafening silence.“Who am I?” I whispered. 

                Confusion was all over my face.  I screamed with a lot of anger. I bowed down, panted and closed my eyes to calm down. Unfortunately, it didn’t stopped me to control the wrath I felt. I opened my eyes and moved my head up. Then, I gazed at my face. I punched the mirror with all of my strength left. The mirror shattered so my reflection was fuzzy. My fist spurts out blood. It was really fast. I’m shocked that I did it to burst out my confusion and anger but it helped me to chill.  I didn’t have fear and pain but I still had anger therefore I’m still a human. Then, I grinned. On the other hand, I had a significant mystery for me to solve.

My name,

my past,

my Memories,

everything about me

gone.

            Suddenly, my vision began to weaken and as I fell on the bathroom tiles with some crushed pieces of mirror, a loud noise burst out to the room.  I’m numb but my body was tired as well as wounded, it can’t hold forever. I froze though I waited for me to pass out and to die then rot in here. Abruptly, somewhat broke my pitiful thoughts. It was footsteps. I heard it became louder and closer to my direction.I gasped.

Reviews

[S. von Glaubitz]

Great first chapter. You keep up an eerie tone that accentuates the slow-building mystery. Good pacing. Good cliffhanger. I also really like the title for this chapter. Same as the tone, it adds another layer to really flesh the chapter out.

I would say your biggest draw-back is the writing itself. Not that the words themselves are no good -- they are, you've got some talent. There are just a lot of typos, grammatical errors, tense issues, etc. that get somewhat in the way of the flow and the pleasure of reading it. Clean up the technicalities and I think you've got something really great here.

Looking forward to the next chapter! I want to know what happens next!

[Sarah Wilson]

I really love it! The writing is great and the mood really paints a picture vividly in your mind. I love the imagery! I would maybe shorten a few sentences here and there, just to help the flow.
I found a few super simple typos if you feel need them.

"but the gauzy strands of cobwebs hanged like a ghostly veils ruined its elegance." should be "but the gauzy strands of cobwebs hung like a ghostly veil, ruining its elegance."


"I sensed the soothing warmth from the sun and it felt like I had the urge for it for a long time." is a little awkward. Maybe you should say something like "I sensed the soothing warmth from the sun and it felt like I had been craving it for a long time."

"I scratched my back head from all of the oddness of the room" is kind of awkward, maybe you should phrase it. "The oddity of the room around me made me scratch the back of my head."

I love the line where you call her blood a crimson beast! :)
Those were just a few minor things! I love your writing its very good! Keep it up!

[Roxxi]

I can relate this story. There was a time where I felt the same way. Very well put together.

[mou]

I listen about Sixth sense..But i like this Fifth sense a lot...

[John]

Cool. I love how you put some vision into the reader. When they bit their hand I could feel the blood coming out with a bitter taste.