Sounds of the ocean

Plop into the water,

like a burning stone,

fizzle,

 

fizzling away the heat with a fading sound,

silence as it drowns,

evil of pure sweetness sound,

never such a greatness,

never such a story as the drownign stone,

never been so cold,

you can not see how this would be,

if you drowned,

 

burnign your way down,

cast away the waters in the sea,

standing dry upon you knees,

underneath the frozen sea,

 

never wet,

always burning,

nothing can put out the flames,

 that burn within your soul.

Author's Note

please review! I was in a deep state of mind here and thought Id be a little metaphorical!

Reviews

[Lola]

A few typos. 'Drowning', in the eighth line down, is misspelled, as well as 'burning' in the third stanza. Otherwise, the words are quite evocative. Good job. ^^

[Mary]

very creative, i like it good job!!! and i agree with the other reviewers^^

[Daydreamer54]

Great use of metaphore. this reminds me of a poem i read in literacy class about an ocean that drowned a boy in a village. it was sad but it also had a great use of metaphore.

[Erin Lee]

i LOVE the noise at the beginning! consider putting mmore of that in throughout your poem. that word, PLOP! is just so vivid! i could HEAR the water when u wrote that and it dragged me right in. i think you should use words like that throughout the rest of this piece. it would definitely strengthen it (and support the poem's title - SOUNDS of the ocean....) ;-)

[Subjective Sanity]

Great metaphor! You did it well.