Safe

 

Light shining from the stars,

 

the moon dark, cold as are hearts.

 

Pain not ceasing keep on bleeding

 

show a bit of  autumn greetings,

 

life is void and i am lost,

 

in a world that is at most,

 

 painstaking in our hearts.

 

And as the moonlight fades away

 

on this gloriously trecherous day,

 

my soul bleeds for you,

 

come no closer,

 

You are gone but I am here,

 

You are gone,

 

 you can't come near.

Author's Note

This is my first poem so don't be too hard on me. If you have any tips or suggestions please feel free to leave a review.

Reviews

[Liverpoolfan]

hmmm... Maybe you should stick to stories? I'm only joking. This was quite a good poem. However, the flow could be improved upon slightly. And, also, possibly the grammer. The first two lines is a good indication of this:
" Light shining from the stars,
the moon dark, cold as are hearts."
When I read this, I had to unstick the words in the second line. I mean... I had to place in an extra comma after cold so that I could understand this properly.
Then I had to reword the next line to something like: "Pain, not ceasing; it keeps on bleeding." so that it would make more sense. This poem would be a lot better if I didn't have to make these alterations as I read it. However, having said this, the poem, overall, was very good. The ending particularly. As this is your first poem this makes it all the more better. It is quite a good first attempt. Trying something new is never easy. Especially when you are so good at writing short stories.

[Coyote Poetry]

It is a very good poem. You started strongly with beautiful and strong words. Led me into a story of sadness. Ending was perfect. When overtaken by pain and disappointment. Being alone is good. A excellent poem.
Coyote

[Mary]

I don't really know of any tips but it was good enough for me! and it was dark so gotta love that!!