Safe

 

Light shining from the stars,

 

the moon dark, cold as are hearts.

 

Pain not ceasing keep on bleeding

 

show a bit of  autumn greetings,

 

life is void and i am lost,

 

in a world that is at most,

 

 painstaking in our hearts.

 

And as the moonlight fades away

 

on this gloriously trecherous day,

 

my soul bleeds for you,

 

come no closer,

 

You are gone but I am here,

 

You are gone,

 

 you can't come near.

Author's Note

This is my first poem so don't be too hard on me. If you have any tips or suggestions please feel free to leave a review.

Reviews

[Mithridate]

great poem for your first one :) keep it up :D

[sarcastic]

those sre sum very big words
ily

[The Water Queen]

For your first poem it was really good. Great job. Great flow.

[Allison]

The vocab was really nice. The whole poem itself was pretty in a dark way, which makes me love it even more. It flowed like a poem that has a rhyming scheme, though it doesn't. Definitely a plus. The only correction I have is to use 'our' and not 'are' in the second line. And a siggestion would be to put a comma between 'ceasing' and 'keep', just to add a lottle bit of a pause to add to the amotion of the poem.
Very nice for your first Tara.

~Pokie
P.S. Sorry for the lengthy review hun

[♥(heatherawesome..]

love it

[Poetic Beauty]

The flow actually is nicely done. This is a poem that you can feel the emotion poured into. This is a great poem for the first poem.

[rockinmiley555]

i agree with the people below. it isnt very good at flowing but, nevertheless, it is good for your first try :) instead of putting a whole lot of thought into it write what is in your head. dont try and make it flow, the flow comes naturally if the feeling you have when you write it is strong enough... if that makes sense haha

[E. R. Rawding]

it doesn't flow very well, but that's mostly due to grammatical errors. watch out for homophones!

other than that, it is excellent though; keep trying

[Tate Morgan]

It isnt the best flowing you have done I think it shows to be an early work But A good try

[chaotic katie]

i love this savy