Safe

Safe

A Poem by Tara♥Undefined♥

 

Light shining from the stars,

 

the moon dark, cold as are hearts.

 

Pain not ceasing keep on bleeding

 

show a bit of  autumn greetings,

 

life is void and i am lost,

 

in a world that is at most,

 

 painstaking in our hearts.

 

And as the moonlight fades away

 

on this gloriously trecherous day,

 

my soul bleeds for you,

 

come no closer,

 

You are gone but I am here,

 

You are gone,

 

 you can't come near.

© 2010 Tara♥Undefined♥


Author's Note

Tara♥Undefined♥
This is my first poem so don't be too hard on me. If you have any tips or suggestions please feel free to leave a review.

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Reviews

great poem for your first one :) keep it up :D

Posted 14 Years Ago


those sre sum very big words
ily

Posted 14 Years Ago


For your first poem it was really good. Great job. Great flow.

Posted 14 Years Ago


The vocab was really nice. The whole poem itself was pretty in a dark way, which makes me love it even more. It flowed like a poem that has a rhyming scheme, though it doesn't. Definitely a plus. The only correction I have is to use 'our' and not 'are' in the second line. And a siggestion would be to put a comma between 'ceasing' and 'keep', just to add a lottle bit of a pause to add to the amotion of the poem.
Very nice for your first Tara.

~Pokie
P.S. Sorry for the lengthy review hun

Posted 14 Years Ago


love it

Posted 14 Years Ago


The flow actually is nicely done. This is a poem that you can feel the emotion poured into. This is a great poem for the first poem.

Posted 14 Years Ago


i agree with the people below. it isnt very good at flowing but, nevertheless, it is good for your first try :) instead of putting a whole lot of thought into it write what is in your head. dont try and make it flow, the flow comes naturally if the feeling you have when you write it is strong enough... if that makes sense haha

Posted 14 Years Ago


it doesn't flow very well, but that's mostly due to grammatical errors. watch out for homophones!

other than that, it is excellent though; keep trying

Posted 14 Years Ago


It isnt the best flowing you have done I think it shows to be an early work But A good try

Posted 14 Years Ago


i love this savy

Posted 14 Years Ago



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13 Reviews
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Added on January 31, 2010
Last Updated on January 31, 2010

Author

Tara♥Undefined♥
Tara♥Undefined♥

canton, OH



About
I am Savannah! Heello!!!^^ I love writing(obviously) I love to sing and dance and stuff. I like the rainy days better than sunny ones and Im crazy too. Well, Idk wat else to tell you.. more..

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