Chapter Two

Chapter 2

She stopped in front of the people who were training and they slowly took notice of her presence. She could feel the mixed emotions among the crowd of people as she stood there and waited.

“Who are you,” a demanding voice shouted.

Her only answer was silence.

“I said, who are you,” a man stepped forward with a sword in hand and a glint of cockiness in his eyes.

A smile stretched across her hidden face and her hood flew off as she lunged for the man. She ripped the sword out of his hand and cupped the side of his neck. Her tongue slowly brushed against the nape of his neck as her canines ached with the desire to bite into him. The other people watched in horror but one of them fled.

“Master Ren! Help,” the fleeing human screeched.

She had no interest in where the runaway had gone and she could only see the man's neck before her. Out of shock, the man she had designated as her prey couldn't process the events fast enough and the girl began to bare her fangs. He pleaded for the others to help but they were immobile due to shock.

She began to count down the moments until her fangs would rip into the human's neck, when she noticed that the weird sensation had completely submerged her. She didn't understand how it could have increased to this measure with only a matter of feet taken, but her body felt like it was being nailed to the ground and her eyes became locked on to the people staring at her. The voice she had heard fleeing earlier had returned and she took notice that it was a tiny looking girl but her attention was captured by the person who had returned with her.

The girl unconsciously let go of the man she was so intent on feeding upon mere moments ago and he wheeled back into some of the spectators' arms. Her eyes fixed themselves on the new entry and the weird sensation seemed to shake her entire being. She felt like everything else had disappeared and she stared in wonderment at the newly arrived person.

“Master Ren, what is that thing! I've never seen anything like it in my life,” the fleeing voice from before exclaimed.

The intruder took note of the arrival's name and her lips silently formed it. She took all of him in and memorized his figure from head to toe.

His eyes were black pools that seemed to suck you into a vortex of nothingness. His wispy layered ruffled hair barely brushed up against his shoulders and was as dark as his eyes. He had a toned body and his skin seemed to glow. He wore a dark gray sweater and his sleeves were bunched up before his elbows. He wore black pants and he had three studded belts loosely and unevenly wrapped around his waist like the girl. He had black army boots and had white bandage wraps on his forearms while a katana rested in his hand.

She couldn't believe that he was human. She had never seen a more beautiful and mesmerizing being before in her thousands of years of living. She felt lost in his presence but fear flooded through her body. She could feel the danger in being there yet she felt drawn to it.

“What are you doing here? You're not one of my students so you're not permitted to come in here. You're an intruder to our village,” he spoke with authority in his voice and began to wonder what she was.

Her hands began to tremble as the unnameable sensation pooled through her body but she didn't falter with her defensive demeanor, and a low rumble formed inside of her chest and came out as a vicious growl. She wiped away the mesmerized look on her face and a threatening and dangerous look replaced it.

The man known to the girl as Ren didn't seem to flinch at all and he studied her closely as he tried to confirm his assumption of what she was. He finally decided his assumption was right but still couldn't believe that that was what she was.

“You're a Spirit Wielder aren't you, he spoke as if it were more of a statement than a question.

She was shocked at the fact that he knew right away but her face didn't give her thoughts away and another growl ripped out of her throat.

Ren smiled from the reaction he had gotten and then he turned his attention towards the man she had had in her hands earlier. He walked over to him and inspected his neck.

“Zane, it looks like she's thirsty but it doesn't look like she got you. Are you okay,” he stared at the man curiously.

By now the man had recovered from his shock and he nodded his head with pride. Ren smiled at the man's response and then returned his attention back to the mysterious intrusive girl.

“Well, you don't seem to be tamed by anyone here so you must still be wild,” he stared at the girl full of curiousness. In return, the girl looked with confusion in her eyes and she didn't understand what he meant. She thought about his question when a sick feeling settled in the pit of her stomach.

She now knew why this village raised the hair on her neck. She now knew why she felt so drawn towards this man. She now knew she was in Astillia, the home of the Spirit Masters.

Her mind went reeling and her thoughts slowly returned back to the question that triggered her realization.

“You mean I still have my own freedom. If that's what you're implying then yes, I'm still free and I'm not planning on losing my freedom anytime soon,” she spat the words out with disgust. “You're kind make me sick. You think that making us your slaves is normal? You think that it's right?”

Ren softly chuckled at her sudden ferocity and couldn't help but feel drawn to the girl. “Well, I guess I'll just have to make you mine then if you don't belong to anyone,” a smile appeared on his face but his eyes were full of determination.

“You think you can capture me? You think I'll let you get away with that? You must be kidding!” Rage was the only emotion she felt but her eyes seemed to be intrigued by the sudden challenge.

The smile remained on his face out of amusement and he stepped towards the girl. He unsheathed his katana and pointed it towards her. “Well I guess we'll just have to wait and see, but a Spirit Wielders most vulnerable time is when they're hungry for blood.”

A dying craving came back to the girl. She had become so wrapped up in the other sensation, that she had forgotten about her thirst. It pulsed through her and she took a step backwards, trying to compose herself again but the redness seemed to invade her vision. Her canines seemed to throb in anguish and her mind felt like her sanity was slipping away. She desperately tried to hold onto her sanity when the other sensation seemed to hit her with an unbelievable force.

She felt like she couldn't see anything anymore but she could hear the man getting closer to her. She uselessly growled at him and the weird sensation seemed to grow as he got closer and closer to her.

This had been her first encounter with Spirit Masters but she knew that he was stronger than the others. She figured that he hadn't been trying when he first came but now that he wanted her, he was using as much force as he could muster.

She felt like the two sensations had bulldozed her over and she automatically gripped her head in pain and took another step back. She shook her head in pain and the redness seemed to recede a bit.

Meanwhile, Ren slowly stepped towards her and finally made his move. Like a gust of wind he was instantly in front of the girl and his katana had sliced into her side and in another instant he was standing a few feet away from her. The girl's eyes were wide as she slowly looked down. She saw blood gushing from her side and then she slowly looked up to find Ren smirking at her. His sword that was pointed at her was full of her blood and he jerked his arm backwards as the blood on it went flying to the ground and then he sheathed his sword.

She stood there for what she felt was like an eternity and then lowered her head back down to her wound again. She slowly reached her hand to her side and then to her face to confirm that she was truly bleeding.

Her hand was smeared with blood and she knew what was coming next. She knew how dangerous it was to have her kind's blood spilled in the state of hunger. She knew she wasn't going to make it out of the village, and as if her thoughts were being answered, the red haze slowly went black and her thoughts drifted away as her body met the ground.

Ren looked at the girl lying there for a moment and then latched his sword back onto his belt. He made his way towards the girl and picked her up from the ground into his arms. He smiled down at her sweetly and a thought kept filtering into his mind and he couldn't help but be happy.

“You're mine now,” he spoke softly and then headed towards the infirmary.

Author's Note

I still feel like there might be something off about this chapter...Are the transitions between the girl and Ren okay?...Tell me what you think :)

Reviews

[kewlbluetiger]

Wow great! Ok. First off I want to say that your dialogue is awesome. I also really enjoyed the action, especially when she's about to bite her prey! Great stuff! I really enjoyed this chapter. It was pretty rich with great description, which is an awesome part of your writing style.

The interaction between the characters is fine and it goes back and forth okay. There are some punctuation issues with the quotations though. Like in the first paragraphs the man asks "Who are you?", but you have it: "Who are you," with a comma. And you missed closing quotes a few places. Not a big deal on a draft though, and like I said, the dialogue is as coloful as your world. Great work!

Okay there is this attractive force between Ren and the girl. I love that.

What may be a little bit off is you get "omnipresent" in your point of view (POV), where in the first chapter we are completely in the girl's POV. Like here:

'The man known to the girl as Ren didn't seem to flinch at all and he studied her closely as he tried to confirm his assumption of what she was. He finally decided his assumption was right but still couldn't believe that that was what she was.'

This is totally Ren's POV, you tell us what he feels instead of telling us what the girl observes as his feelings. Jumping back and forth in POV is really common in sci-fi/fantasy, it's just a dance that can confuse the reader. I thought you did an good job here. Just take that into consideration.

I wouldn't rewrite at this point. You have an AWESOME story going on here. keep writing and can't wait to read the next chapter. You're so talented and I love the style of your world.