Our first kiss or our last

5 years worth of feelings pent up inside me. I'm tired of playing this game. I'm done with being hurt. You will either want me or reject me. I need to stop living in our past memories.

Every time I close my eyes
I see you
Your smile
Your laughing eyes
I smile in memory of all the times we've had.

But then I see her
And my smile fades.
She is kissing you
Holding your soft hand
Loving you.
Everything I thought I'd be doing.

I try to block her out.
To keep the sweet memories away from my cruel imagination
But still she remains in my mind.
She flashes me an evil grin
Letting me know you are hers.

I see her kissing your beautiful dark skin;
Tasting the nectar of your lips.
Showing me she has been there many times before.
She runs her hands down the length of you,
Something I considered as mine.

Whispering 'sweet nothings' into your ear.
Reminding me of a devil telling you to do her bidding.
Her calling you her 'one true love'
Makes me sick from just the thought.

It pains me to even think that you are loving her
How I always wanted you to love me.
I have kept my body pure just for you,
Yet, you have NOT done the same for me.

The only thing that has kept me from giving up
& on the verge of insanity with wanting you
Is that intense gaze that you always give me.
The look that the other girls was always jealous of.
That is the only thing that has kept me a float all these years.

It is all wondrous to me that we have know each other so long
& yet that feeling has never left only got stronger.
Even after all those times we have spent together,
You have never confessed.
After all those times you have held me in your arms,
Told me you never want to let go,
You never once asked me if I felt the same way.
You only mention it to others
But only when you are with another girl.
Why is that?

I will say this,
If your feelings are true,
You should show them.
Next time we meet,
I will show you how I feel.
It will either be our first kiss
Or our last.