Big Brother

He's the voice in my head that tells me to be mean;
He pushes me and pushes me to no end.
Whispering in my ear that I can't reach my dreams.
He is ripping my happiness apart.
Why can't you leave me alone??
Stop telling me what is right for me!
I put my hands over my ears
But his voice can still get through.
Telling me that I will never be good enough,
That I'm worthless.

I whisper into the cold night air:
"Please stop, you are hurting me; you are tearing me apart"
Warm, salty tears run down my face.
"Stop, please"
It responds with a skin shivering laugh
that was So cold it could freeze water.

He fills my drive to be better,
But tears me down at each step.
Telling me that I will never stop being an embarrassment;
I will never be good enough to be called his sister.

Every time he shows his face,
He puts me under a microscope.
Repetivly telling me what's wrong with me.
He tells me what he wished his sister would be..
"...A smart, honest, pretty, elegant young lady that is a Godly example...instead I got you."

Sometimes I can't stand it,
It breaks my heart nd poisons my mind.
Why can't I ever stop being a disappointment.?
Or an embarrassment?
When will I ever be good enough...

I'm sorry I'm a tomboy and clumsy,
I'm sorry that I you may not think I'm smart,
I'm sorry if I'm not pretty,
And I'm sorry for being your sister.

Sometimes I think you will be better off without me,
No more embarrassment.
No more telling your friends about you 'poor, dumb sister'
I could just be gone one morning
And I bet you wouldn't mind.
You wouldn't even give a second thought of you worthless little sister anymore.

But one thing is for sure,
You may tear me down
And posien my mind with the venom you spit,
But you just wait and see.
You will be the embarrassing sibling one day.
I won't put you down
or make you feel bad about yourself like you did to me.
Because you will be the one to do that to yourself.