At Night

At Night, as I lay awake, I think of you.

The good, the bad, but mostly the hurtful times.

The nights that I laid in my bed, tears staining my face, 

Trying to understand what I did to make you not be with me.

I try to block the memories with you: 

the way your black hair curls when you grow it out,

the way you give me that half smile at something silly that I do, 

but especially your eyes that seem to smile when you look at me.

My thoughts from you just make it that much worse;

just knowing you picked her over me.

You said you know how I felt about you,

and because you never said you felt the same or not, 

my heart seems to take that as hope.

My brain refuses it, but there will always be hope.

I try to push everything I know of you away;

convinced that I never knew you in the first place.

Even the four years that I knew you, 

we never really had a real conversation,

but non the less, my soul feel a familiarity.

You are a stranger,

 yet you supply my ambition.

You make me want to push myself to new lengths,

to catch your eye, if only for a moment.

For A while I was so happy, I did have your attention.

But as fast as you wrote my name in your book of interests,

you crossed me off just as fast.

I tried to replace you,

oh, God, how I tried to replace you,

but my soul seems to believe that you are a part of me.

At Night, as I lay awake, 

I try to think of as many bad things about you as I possible can. 

But your eyes seem to haunt me, telling me to stop.

To stop thinking, to stop crying, to stop hurting, but I cant.

They seem to tell me to wait, that everything will be okay soon, 

but I wont, I cant.

They remind me of so much.

They remind me of my soul is of wanting of you,

and how much you dont want me.

Every night my heart breaks a little more &

every night my soul dims 

just at the thought of you not wanting me.

I close my eyes slowly,

hot tears running down my cheeks.

Hoping that the next day will be better;

that maybe the next day it wont hurt as bad.

Praying that maybe one day, 

you would want me again.

Reviews

[Glen Yumang Manese]

Throw everything out there... and let the pieces fall... the lines just shred at you as the reader with the eviction notice... a lengthy verse of a write here... one everyone old enough to go through the experience can understand...

I stumbled a bit with two of your lines:

but non the less, my soul feel a familiarity.
but nonetheless, my soul feels a familiarity.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
They remind me of my soul is of wanting of you,
They remind me of my soul is wanting of you,

you end this with hope... and yet the desire to relive the event over again...

[Lilly]

"I tried to replace you,
oh, God, how I tried to replace you,
but my soul seems to believe that you are a part of me."

great lines - such power and depth in them alone.
Very nice work :)

[Sami Khalil]

A very nice poem. I like the ending the most...:)

[zainul]

I abhor the ill mentality of persons who are selfish, rude and indifferent to their lovers.
I can do only this much as I have no power to dominate over the nasty persons.
Love the whole piece.
However,this stanza is wonderful:

"I close my eyes slowly,
hot tears running down my cheeks.
Hoping that the next day will be better;
that maybe the next day it wont hurt as bad.
Praying that maybe one day,
you would want me again."

[Antoñyo]

Wow...yes, I agree this is power, but also amazing. I've seen a few hear that speak of this, but there is brilliance in some of these lines...
"...God, how I tried to replace you, but my soul seems to believe that you are a part of me."
there is that, and more...and I thought, "who says those things this way?...who feels..?" while reading.

assuming this is personal with you, he is so undeserving because the right one will "look" and "see"
...that day never comes when you want, but it comes...hang in there.
I thoroughly enjoyed this and the peek it gave..

[Dr. Wood ?]

love buries itself into a very deep and sometimes unreachable place, you may never be able to remove it

[ron]

Very powerfull. Emotions of the heart can dig the deepest scars. I whish some one would come up with a pill or something to ease the pain that love can bring. I really liked this one. It made almost want to cry, but Im a man and Im not alowed to...at least for any one to see.