The boy

The true story that woke me up and opened my eyes to the world around me. I doubt if I will ever end up with the boy, but he did help me become who I am today and I will never forget that.

Staring out the truck window, I wondered what would happen. "would I finally get enough courage to talk to people? I doubt it... I guess I'll do what I always do at family events, read. Reading is better than talking to people, while people get boring, books only get more interesting."
"We are here! Now don't forget the food and Desiree, please try to talk to people."
"yea sure,mom, ill try my best" I grab the bags and my book "just in case I don't like any of the people there, which that's mostly the case." I follow my parents and my older brother, Austin, up the small hill towards the back of my aunts house. I look at the screen door as my aunt opens it and dose her usual dramatic 'hello' gestures. " I'm so glad my little cousins will be here today... Other wise I might kill myself." I think smiling fakely at my aunt. After we all said our 'hellos' and 'how are yous' I go out to the porch, settled in a chair and began my book. After a while my mind started to wonder... " I want a dark knight like in my books... When will it be my turn for a guy to like me and not tell me they hate me.? Lord, when will it be my turn? Please let there be some one at this party that could be my ' prince charming'" it was at that moment that something in my heart told me to stop staring at my book and look to my left. Sure enough, there you were. When I saw u looking at me I got butterflies, something I've never gotten before. I quickly turned back to my book, hoping that you wouldn't try to talk to me. "If he comes to talk to me, what am I suppose to say? I don't like people so I don't have experience talking to them, especially boys. I know I'm 16 already, but I've never had experience with boys.... Lord, help me. I want to talk to him but, I'm to scared for him to talk to me. I need help" as soon as my mind stopped wondering I looked up to see one of the water guns my mom brought. I looked around for you but you seemed to be gone. " we'll maybe he is in the house.?" So I went into the house, but you weren't there... "...then that. Means he must be playing with my little cousins down by the cars.. But how am I suppose to get you to talk to me.?" Then I remembered the water gun. So I came up with a plan to get the keys from my mom so I can 'put my book away and converse more'. After I had the keys I grabbed the water gun,filled it up and headed down to the truck.

My little cousins were running around screaming with laughter along with you and your two younger brothers. I smiled but tried to ignore you as I go about my 'business' but as soon as you passed me and tried to shoot my cousin, I took a chance. I pulled out the water gun quickly and sprayed you. You looked a bit surprised, which made me smile as I ran to hide while you try to spray me. Soon after that we talked a bit and you decided we were on the same team. Us against the rest. I felt like robin did when batman recruited him as his side kick. Unfortunately, all good things had to come to an end. So after my cousin, Daniel, opened his presents and all that, my parents decided that it was time to take our leave. We headed down towards the truck so we can load up the pink chairs that my grandma bought for our new house and you were just sweet enough to help load them up. We said our fair wells, sorta, and headed home.

On our way home my mom asked me why I had 'cow eyes' as she referred to them. I asked what she ment and she told me that I had a dreamy look in my eyes. I told her I was thinking about something. She looked at me and said that I must be thinking about a book because I never have that look about anything else.

This is where the sadness begins... I prayed I would get to see you everything I went to my aunts house. I wanted to see you, to talk to you, to see the way your eyes sparkled and the way your lips looked when you smiled. I was kind of obsessed, I admit, but you can't really blame me, the only reality I have ever really known is what I read in a book. It seemed that every time, except for that one, one of us has been taken and the other single. Whenever you told me about your girlfriends I would always get so mad. Okay, I admit, I was jealous, very jealous, an emotion I've never felt before. It hurt, it still does. I would try to flirt to try to tell you how I feel but I would get little or nothing back. If I did, then I must not of caught it. I'm was very blind to that sort of thing, still am. Unless you tell me, I have no way of knowing.

So I miss your hints, or at least that's what I think they were and I ended up paying for them big time. You introduced me to your girlfriend and I nearly snapped. I'm sorry if I was so rude to her, I'm usually nice, but then again I didn't believe I was in love with you. Then the time you invited me to go to her house for her sisters 'birthday party', I almost cried, but I stayed strong. i kept telling myself: "in the end you will be mine, I just have to be strong and patient and I will have you eventually." That evening before we left, I got stuck in her bedroom with the two of you. You cuddling all over her mad me sick. I studied all of her drawings on her walls just distract myself, but eventually I got sick of it and decided to let a guy that liked me call me. I excused myself from the room and I talked to him for a bit before you ran out to ask me who I was talking to. I liked how you reacted when I told you who. I could see that you felt the same way I did when you told me about 'her'. I just wanted to have you all to myself and leave her by herself somewhere. I didn't want to be around you two, I wanted to be around YOU.

Years passed and I saw you here and there, but everything really hit me after you actually made a move, at least I think it was.. It was April fools, one year ago. Your sister stayed over at my cousins house and so I asked if I could hang out for a bit before we went had to go to LA the next morning. So I talked with your sister for a bit and then my cousin said you were on your way. My heart jumped and I got so nervous that I could hardly talk. Thankfully, I had a monster. I drank that and I became so hyper and outgoing. Finally I can talk to you normally. When you arrived, I saw you pause in the doorway when you saw me. I tried not to let you know that I saw but I couldn't help but smile. We talked and we made fun of one another. I like how we talked that night, it felt like we knew each other forever. When it got really late and we all needed to get some sleep, you hugged me good bye. I just have to say that was the best damn hug of my life. My whole body was vibrating and oh, how your neck smelled. It was so good. Unfortunately, when you tried to hold me, I panicked. I wasn't use to being touched, not really even now. I pushed you away, and that is what I really regretted, but i still smiled for a week after. at least you cared. That was the only time I actually had a chance with you. We were both single and I think we like each other (I know I liked you). When you got with your current girlfriend, that's when I kinda snapped. I forgot about you and kind of hated you for a bit. I kept on telling myself that I need to change, if I want you I have to be someone you will want, I have to be the best version of me I can be. It worked for a while until I realized you didn't care for me anymore and gave up on trying to be 'your' girl. Now I do it for me, and only me.

I could go on and on about how I felt, but I think you get the point. I liked you and loved you, I might even still do, but I don't really know anymore. I found me a really good guy that loves me and makes his feelings obvious. I realized now that I might always love you at least a little but a guy has to work hard to get a girl like me. I'm not that shy, insecure girl anymore. I know what I'm worth and a guy has to earn my attention.

It's unfortunate that you changed too, I really liked that sweet boy that I first met. You look the same, but, babe, your personality has gone down the drain. I don't mean to be mean, just honest. I do care for you and I want you to get a grip on reality. Grow up, have a good education, work hard and be a great father/husband in the future but be smart about it. If you are not then you will screw up your life big time and I don't want that for you. You have great potential, doe something about it.