Rendering

the butterfly has a voice, it seems

 

"When I'm with you, the world melts away"

 

The words, the actions, the moves

behind your wanting, your desire

shimmers underneath a boyish grin,

innocent freckles begging to tell

the difference of boy and man

 

"I surrendered myself to you"

 

And I did, you know...my mind

may tell me to run like the wind,

(It doesnt, really)

but the body listens, the body

reacts to the touches, the kisses

of your truths that you breathe

into my ear at midnight

 

"I feel like a god"

 

You are, you are my god,

I look to you for absolution,

I look to you, to partake

communion, your blood

your body, consecrated

in your eyes, completed

 

My confessor, taking my sins

on my knees, awaiting the Eucharist

silent, begging, needing

 

"Clamabit ad me et exaudiam eum cum ipso sum in tribulatione eripiam eum et clarificabo eum"

Reviews

[Tommy]

"He shall cry to me, and I will hear him: I am with him in tribulation, I will deliver him, and I will glorify him."

Great work! I really like this piece. When in love it seems that we do worship with our affection. I think you have described the ultimate pedestal here. Nice work indeed.
RLG,
Tommy

[Helen Woodward]

This is a little...er...Latin! I don't think it is wise to make Gods out of people, but I do love this poem. It is such an intelligent write and contains your heart and soul and that shines into your readers minds. It is the worshiping of the one you love that is paramount here and we all tend to do that, if we can preserve a smidgen of those feelings to ponder on in old age then we have done well...
Love you & miss you xxxoooxxx

[Alessander]

Well, I'm glad Tommy cleared up the last line cuz my Latin is horrible lol This is a very sensual poem, especially the awaiting on knees part for...ummm...salvation lol this has naughtiness only a Catholic can appreciate lol parts I didn't like - the comma after "i look to you," - I know that this piece isn't punctuated by accepted standards, but that comma actually made me stumble a bit. U should also omit the line that is in parenthesis for the same reason. Other than those small details, I like how the last word is a continuing action "needing" and as such, maybe you should move the Latin to the beginning to emphasize it more.

[Ruth]

Wow! You use words as easily as I breathe! lol Awesome! Poppy xx

[Tate Morgan]

This was beautiful I thought as i read it it had been written to me lol

[Doctor JKC]

A gorgeous love poem
free of the usual sappiness
I see here so often.

Many cuts above the rest.
Hugs, Jack

[Narnie]

Ha! Amber so in wonderment you are and it is lovely to see you so alive with these feelings. I wonder if this butterfly series will condense into one untouchable love poem for people to gawk at and envy and say blimey, she's a bloomin good poet that Amber.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

Hmmm, I don't understand the connection between the Latin Vulgate passage and the poem. But then, I'm not Catholic either. I certainly wouldn't want anyone to worship me and I've found that placing anyone on a pedestal is just a great spot for them to fall on you and break your head if not your heart. But I do know the difference between boys and men; men know that love is hard work, sacrifice and responsibility while boys just want to play and have fun.

[deeps]

This is a real beuatiful write here. Quite powerful too.
I enjoyed this write. Brillant wording!

[Adam McWhorter]

Wow. Great poem. Beautifully written. And thanks to the reviewer before myself, Tommy, for the translation of that last line.

The whole poem is wonderful... Elegant. Sensual. Graceful. Full of desire and beauty. I like it ;)

My absolute favorite part in the poem is within the very first stanza...

" ...your desire
shimmers underneath a boyish grin,
innocent freckles begging to tell
the difference of boy and man"

That is so descriptive and crafted beautifully. I love the ache of his desire behind that boyish grin... I know that grin. I've seen it and I've made it myself. It's incredibly erotic. I like that part very much... Very sensual. I can't stress the sensuality in this piece enough. It's great!

Good job... Excellent poem, my friend.