Amber Colored Liquid

Drinking leads to swimming

Im trying to be okay

trying to push this

away

but I cant

Im working

on myself the best

I can through

the booze

the tears

the laughs

but I cant

 

Im trying to accept

that for now

I am the other one

i am trying to accept

that I am worthy

that I am good enough

but for now

the bottle shows me

that its far easier

to drown the

fears

emotions

tears

laughs

 

I dont want to feel this

I dont want to be drawn

but its a magnet

that pulls me to the taste

the smell

the desire

the wanting

 

I didnt ask for this

yes I wanted this

yes I dreamt of this

but goddamn it

 

not like this

its not for me

I wish it were

I want it

I taste it

 

Im trying to be okay

Im trying to leave you be

Im trying...

 

But its still there.

It will always be there

and I dont want

to smother

to suffocate

to f**k this up

but Im well on

my way

 

With the booze

with the tears

with the laughter

that Im so good at

Reviews

[Ed Hart]

The "other" never begins or ends our hurt. We bring it with us. The "other" being who they are (and consequently, not who we think or hope they are) naturally disappoints our expectations. Bingo, we get to feel the hurt again. The hurt never goes away by itself; it's always there, until it is nurtured. We try to buffer it; we try to find another to carry it; we try to forget it; but until we take it in hand and walk with it in the light of day and nurture it like a hurt child (which it is) in our care (which it is) it will always resurrect itself in these painful scenarios. Ain't it a b***h?

[Alessander]

God knows, I'm no psychoanalyst or sage, so I'l just stick to the nuts and bolts lol I really like the line breaks and diction - I think it was Plath who was asked why she didn't write longer lines, to which she responded, "oh my nature is far to anxious to writer longer lines" - longer lines tend to be for reflective,contemplative pieces, and this seems more of a stream-of-thought purging. Tears and laughter set a dichotomy, and booze (and the "other" as Ed Hart stated) seem to be merely a catalyst in this poem to reach both destinies. I like the ambiguity of the 4th stanza...are you drawn to romance or boooze hesitenty? intoxication of the physique and psyche

[Doctor JKC]

My friend Tommy drank quite a lot of beer for his whole life and it was never an issue until someone made it an dilemma. A very functional musical artist that would remind you of early Talking Heads music. Never abusive or out of control. He moved in with a devote Buddhist from Switzerland who apparently tolerated his nightly drinking and song-writing for several months and became aggravated by it.
she confronted him to no avail (it was a pleasure and source of creativity for him.)
She went to her spiritual teacher (a Rinpoche) and he said that Tommy still had not consumed his karmic fill of beer and had many gallons left before he would stop naturally and since he never interrupted or was at odds with her meditations and practices she should not interfere with his.
Jack

[Tommy]

You know, I have come to the conclusion that if I am not medicating by the means of a prescription meant for treating my manic depression, which now has been taken from me due to the fact I have lost my insurance, I feel I will never quite. I am able to go for around a month without drinking without feeling like,

" I dont want to feel this
I dont want to be drawn
but its a magnet
that pulls me to the taste
the smell
the desire
the wanting"

However no matter how hard,

" Im trying to be okay
Im trying to leave you be
Im trying..."


It seems I am always setting myself up for failure. I am week and I know this truly, because I always go back.

" With the booze
with the tears
with the laughter
that Im so good at"


I always feel so guilty after words, like I said, I feel week, and this pains me deeply, because I am trying so hard, but this is the life I live and this is how I get by.

Thanks for sharing, and your right, this piece if vary similar to my piece "Drinking and Dreaming."
RLG,
Tommy

[Ladysue]

Very powerful write that is moving. Written with a great flow and heart. Ed Hart is speaks the truth. An very poignant write. Well expressed...

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Why do we humans always use artificial pleasures to try and balance the pain, cause it is so easy to do... really powerful work again.

[Ruth]

Intense and touching friend:) The ebb and flow of life itself in a swoop of great emotional imagery! Like it a lot :) Poppy

[Narnie]

(Ssh, no such word as can't. xx)

The short lines make the poignancy excrutiating but in a good way. And you are very good at the laughter too. There's going to be a lot of people who relate to this and it should therefore go into Amber Classic Collection. :) Determined to get a collection out of you, haha.

[Tara]

Ed Hart is a wise man. Lynne is a wise woman. You are reaching out with your words and we are so lucky to be here reading you. A very human write.

[cest la vie]

Sister,
Ed really said it all.I will add this"
"You are a glorious child of the univererse. A woman of worth and value..always"

Blessings:-)