The Overdue Response

Apparently....a collection in the works....bribing the muse.....

To read the thoughts

that you scattered on the page,

it caused my heart to stop.

 

Re-beat.

 

The words are burned

inside now, and the sense

of guilt is overwhelming,

a feeling of drowning

in self-remorse.

True, I did it myself.

I dug the grave,

I made the bed,

now I'm lying in it.

 

But, I should thank you.

You brought me back,

the feelings are back,

I'm writing again,

with the under currents

of anger pushing me

forward.

 

I look forward to seeing

the blank page,

a feeling long awaited for.

To feel the pen resting

in my hand,

the ink flowing again,

I-do-thank-you.

 

Thank you for the push

the shove,

the goodbye you gave me.

Reviews

[JR]

What an undercurrent of longing and sadness in your current writing� the tone is gothic and melancholy. I like it, I feel it, and I'm breathing it, though it is at odds with your more-expected sarcastic humor. Honestly, I think the current works are like new growth� your personality has so many facets, and that's what makes your work sparkle, AH.

Ok, this is what I'm getting from the basic storyline, if you will indulge me� you begin with loss, parting thoughts written by a person of importance in your life (ex-lover?). These words cause pain, shock, etc.

"it caused my heart to stop"

But this wasn't an end, because it started up a whole new direction for the speaker ("re-beat"). Those words had both a negative aspect, seen in:

"the sense
of guilt is overwhelming,
a feeling of drowning
in self-remorse."

And she blames herself for the loss. However the words also inspired her to write again, something she had lost presumably in the relationship. So, in a way, she was damaged BY the relationship, in that it removed from her the ability to form poetic words.

So, in losing him, she regained herself. Yeah?

Ok, technical s**t� Strip it, strip it, then strip it some more. Here's a naked first stanza to make my point:

"To read thoughts
you scattered on the page,
caused my heart to stop."

See the difference in the flow? The impact is the same, the emotional toll, equal. But the way it moves from line to line is smoother, without all those words for the eye to bump over, like "that." Again:

"Those words burned inside me now,
the sense of guilt
overwhelming,
feeling of drowning
in self-remorse.
True, I did it myself.
dug the grave,
made the bed
I'm lying in."

Same deal, different stanza. If you can strip all the excess out of it, all you're left with is the bare emotion, with is the heart, soul, and immanent grace of poetry.

Your power has always been to make your readers feel something beyond their own experience, feel something the way you and only you have felt. You haven't lost that touch� in fact, I would say it's expanding with every word. Sometimes we find ourselves in the darkest places� it's the transition through the shadow world and into the light that truly gives us mastery over ourselves, AH. You're on that journey.

[Hippy]

I do say this is truely marvelous in i feel very similar most of the time its a great peice

[Naomi Montana Walsh]

Wow , your really good I loved every word, this is great writing , I get the feeling of someone who is really aware and knows how to express that awareness..
I think you would like my poem 500 word f**k you...I wrote it when feeling a bit as you did.. anyhow very good writing..and I am not just saying that I mean it.

[Spoken]

Glad your back as well. Can't wait to read a story, always enjoyed ur work. This is a great poem to stimulate the muse again and the emotion is felt. It's simple and somewhat vague, but yet I can tell you've went through an ordeal by the small gestures within the poem and the emotion you display... makes it a great piece for me!

[G. Cedillo]

there a good response here, but i think we'd be better served if this were cut in half. A good, how do they say "better served", quickly and cold, poem!
-g

[Otter]

I'm glad you're back, I missed you, did I tell you that? I missed you! Keep sending me good works to read.

[[untitled]]

I'm so happy you are back, no matter how much vinegar is poured on this situation, you will always be sweet Sherlock *hugs*
Helen xxxx

[Fabian G. Franklin]

This was bittersweet but more sweet than bitter Amber, glad to see you back on the keyboard whittling away at the roots of evil.

[poddar kushal]

it is like an echo within echo

[huma]

I like the voice in this.