The Words Are Here

Bribing the muses....

The words disappeared

for oh so long,

and I grasp at straws,

at memories far forgotten,

trying to remember

your voice, the conversations

held at three a.m. through

the sunrises.

I ran out of words the day

your voice left my ear.

The inspiration left, my muse

flew to the winds,

carrying all I knew

with it.

I try to capture snapshots

of ideas, snippets of poetic

wanderings

but nothing stays with me.

I fought lonliness for a month,

I fought the urge to beg forgiveness

for imagined slights,

and it hasn't paid off.

There is a way though,

I'm sure, I'll try my old

tricks, the old bait and bribe,

and damn it!

I will make you proud,

make you notice that I never

left, no,

here I sit, gathering words,

like the Pied Piper

to unleash on the world,

and for your eyes to graze.

I'll make it I'm sure,

I remember those words,

forever sketched,

"You will be famous Amber,

in your lifetime, darling,

your name will be known."

 

Like a sigh,

I go on.

Reviews

[Erotic Goddess]

The inspiration left, my muse
flew to the winds,
carrying all I knew
with it.

There is sadness here Amber, but there is hope and there is determination too, that determination I know that you have. I agree with those words, you have the talent to be famous, we are all waiting for your moment. :) And it'll come, and when it does, you will have earned it and will see it and appreciate the way that not all people, who haven't suffered for it, would. I like this piece.

Love,
Stephanie

[R J Askew]

'like a sigh' ... like it. Lot to be said for sighs.

[Matthew Young]

please excuse the lack of a proper critique but this pome is really great! it really tackles an obscure area of inspiration born outta manic despair. can't count how many time i've been in this same situation. sure, it sucks for the heart, but some great poems are conceived from the gloom and doom of break-ups.

[C. Harter Amos]

This is so well written. I read it when you first put it up and am only now getting back to read again and leave a word or two. I wish it weren't so that we need the reassurance of a "muse". Especially when they're human, they have their own agendas and their own lives. Coming into your life for a year that changes everything and leaving a hole in your soul when they move on. Perhaps we fullfill something they needed before they left, and hopefully they''re oblivious to the fact they've left us hanging by not just thread, but something more delicate. To be compared to spider webbing, maybe? Anyway, I could relate to your writing here. It struck a chord in me that still resounds. The key is to keep on going, right? Glad to see you're back at WritersCafe. I always assumed you'd be the last to leave and then only when the site folded. There's hope yet, Amber's back!

[JR]

Oh, the letting go� it's so hard to do, isn't it? God, you make me ache. These words, the way you've stitched them together, they just bleed sadness, loneliness all over the damn screen. When things go bad, it usually happens quickly, and it usually leaves you reeling, spiritually and emotionally. I've had that happen, a hell of a lot of times, and this poem makes me relieve it.

That's the hallmark of good poetry� when it's written well, it leaves bruises.

To be honest, I thought this took a little too long to get up to speed and rolling, though, from a stylistic point of view. Can you envision cutting out these lines:

"The words disappeared
for oh so long,
and I grasp at straws,
at memories far forgotten,
trying to remember"

which don't really say much, other than the urge to write abandoning you, and idea you repeat later? I think that the poem would have a lot more punch if you started it on the line:

"your voice, the conversations
held at three a.m. through
the sunrises�"

Chilling, I think, to start with the fragment, what is now gone, where the change in the speaker began. Do you see? If you think the idea's s**t, then it is. But if you're looking to leave your reader disjointed, strip away their poetic security blanket right from the get-go, put them here, without the comfort of a nice, compact intro. Dig?

I would also consider stripping the poem, blah blah, you've heard it before, and you know where I would make those suggestions. I don't want to be a whiny little b***h repeating myself with every review, so I'll let you decide where/when/what to cut, if anything.

Separating off the lines of the lover, the quotes:

"'You will be famous Amber,
in your lifetime, darling,
your name will be known.'"

into their own line would be tits, man. That would add impact, force the reader to consider them apart from the rest of the poem. Or italics, maybe, something�

There is no better way to end this poem than on a powerful line like the one you have hear. The concept of sighing and moving on is powerful, but you've upped the ante and made this a comparison� "Like a sigh / I go on." What a tactile image! A sigh is brief, and it's a sign of giving in or giving over, you know? It's a small, brief thing� and yet you're comparing the huge ordeal of the broken relationship and your struggle to this brief instant.

Dammnit. You're shooting for the f*****g heart strings now, aren't you? Heh. And hitting them. Ah, AH, you devil� you shocking little Ginsberg-loving devil� What would I do without you?

[Otter]

Good work, I love your work.

[[untitled]]

I'm at a loss, knowing you as I do I am feeling bad for you because you deserve better than these words are telling me. Give me your hand and I will take you home and wrap you in cottonwool for a while with TLC
I love you Sherlock..that's all, except for the fact that this too well written...
Helen xxxxxx

[G. Cedillo]

great sentiment - i really understand the feelings and the emotion, its written in such a way, almost universal i think. very understated too - nothing too brash or hyped, calm and deliberate, unassuming.
example:
"I fought lonliness for a month,
I fought the urge to beg forgiveness
for imagined slights,
and it hasn't paid off."
weaker poets would have turned each of these lines into a sappy poem all by themselves, using each emotion blown out of proportion and, ultimately, ineffective - but yo use them as layerings, as background brush strokes, to help further the picture. great job.
no, as a comment though, nothing big - i think the format of this poem gets in the way a bit... i think the subject, the speed, and the sentiment, all would work better in (i don't really know what) maybe a prose-like poem or something with longer lines (more information, context, images) and that way it'll help slow the pace of the lines being read by our eye... maybe look into that, try it, or not - great read though
thanks for sharing,
. g - - -