Colin The Almost Average Detective

Colin fancies himself a regular Sherlock Holmes, perhaps one day he will be but for now hes not quite there yet

“Relax John, I’ve got this covered “ said a very confident detective in an attempt to reassure his companion.

“Colin, last time you said that we ended up running away from a restaurant with a half eaten pie and a small purse.”

“Oh cut me some slack would you, paying a restaurant bill is a lot more complicated than it seems, tricking the waiter into accepting chocolate coins as payment is the easy part, its escaping the crowded restaurant as 

stealthily as possible that causes trouble.”

“Stealth?  You just threw the coins in the waiters face , grabbed everything you could and ran”

“Well I was pretty quiet….”

“You were crying……loudly.”

“Hey! Who’s the detective here?”

“Neither of us”

“And don’t you forget it!”

“wha-I don’t-, oh never mind” John said  with a deep sigh.

“Right, now back to business. I’m going to approach her, you just follow my lead” Collin said as he aligned his fake sheriff’s badge. He walked over to the front door of a fairly large house and rang the doorbell multiple times. He was rather pleased by who answered the door. A woman obviously in her early thirties. Her red hair reached her waist, coincidentally her waist was exactly what Colin was staring at.

“Can I help you?....sheriff” said the woman spotting the badge on the young detectives shirt .

“Yes I am here to talk to you about your husband, I believe he passed away recently”

“Oh…I rather not talk about it if you don’t mind”

Being a master of social conduct Colin knew exactly what to do to get this woman to talk. “Are you sure?” he said hoping that she wasn’t.

“Yes I am actually”

“Damn it, alright John I suppose its time to give up and go home, maybe we can even have a good old game of twister” Colin said after the woman shut the door.

“Not so fast, let me give it a try” he said as he went up to the door and politely pushed Colin out of the way into the bushes and knocked on the door.

“Look! I already told you, I don’t want to talk!” said the woman half shouting as she opened the door only to see the FBI badge John was holding up.

“Ma’am, we are trying to find your husband’s killer and to do that we need your help. “ John said with as much authority as he could muster.

After a short pause the woman spoke again. “Fine.” She then let the two men enter and led them to the living room. After they were seated Colin once again made the mistake of speaking.

“Miss Fuller, may I call you Catherine?”

“No.”

“Right so Cathy it is then, now Cathy where were you during the night of the murder”

“Wait….you don’t suspect me do you? He was my husband for god’s sake!” the woman yelled

“Cathy, your husband was stabbed approximately umpteen times, right now everyone is a suspect.  Even a woman like yourself.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“My dear I was merely mentioning   the fact that it is very unlikely for a woman to kill a man, women are frail you know.”

“Why I never!……women are in no way frail! And you best remember that!”

John could sense an argument about to start but instead of doing the sensible thing and breaking it up, he 

decided to sit and watch.

“Yes yes, I’ve heard that one before, but where’s your proof?”

“Well what if I told you I did kill my husband.”

“I wouldn’t believe you”

“Well I did, and don’t think I wont do the same to you.” Said the woman in a rage as she grabbed the nearest knife and ran at Colin and before Colin could react she attempted to stab him.

Colin let out a howl of pain and fell to the floor, all the while John snuck up behind the woman and in one swift movement struck her over the head, effectively knocking her out. He ran to his best friend only to see him laying there unharmed with his eyes closed. A butter knife lay next to him.

“Colin you’re not dead.”

“How would you know, you’ve never died.” Replied Colin with his eyes still closed.

“Because you’re talking, you bloody idiot.”

“Ah.....yes it appears that I am, well done John , we’ll make a detective out of you yet”

“She was a real crazy one eh? Too bad we didn’t record the confession.”

“Oh John when will you learn, I record everything” said Colin as he brought out a tape recorder from his pocket. 

“Now all we need to do is sort through five hours of recording and find the confession”

“Colin…I …I’m actually impressed, you solved the case before we even started investigating…how?”

“Oh you know, my usual combination of dumb luck and stupidity as you call it,  now on to more important matters, want to go get some ice cream?”

“Ah well why not”

“Brilliant, first one to the car gets to drive!” he yelled as he ran off

John however took his time and slowly walked over to the car, he was in no rush. He had the keys.

 

Author's Note

I wrote this a while back and its unedited so dont be too harsh