Happy Fricking Holidays!

Another Kool-Aider!

Up on the rooftop, there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from my bed to see what's the matter

I put on my jacket and staggered out in the snow,

I had an idea what it was, but for certain, I didn't 

know

I took my 12-gauge, 'cause I've seen on Fox that lots 

of drug-

addicted minorities want to steal my big screen, thugs

are everywhere, a white guy like me can't be too 

careful

I saw a dark shadow, so I thought about giving the 

trigger a pull,

but called out in frightful panic, "who's f*****g up 

there?"

"Santa Claus", he answered, and I'm gonna need some 

new underwear,

I knew at that moment, it sure as hell wasn't jolly old 

St. Nick,

just a loser looking to take what's legally mine--'click'

sounded quietly in the otherwise silent night,

giving fair warning that I had him in my sights

"Don't f*****g move or I'll exercise my 2nd Amendment,

God-given rights," thought I saw movement, and off 

it went,

the thunderous blast echoing up and down the street,

there was a 'thud' as he hit the snow like a sack of 

bloody meat

I cautiously approached him and kicked him in the 

back,

just to make sure, then felt for a pulse, which he 

lacked

Siren wails soon marred the quiet and formerly-

peaceful scene,

as I looked at the body--it wasn't recognizable, his 

face I mean

He'd done a great impression of making a blood angel 

in the snow,

I looked at him, tried to place him, but I just didn't 

know

He wore some kind of old-fashioned red-colored 

disguise,

had two empty sockets that used to hold his eyes

The cops arrived, and hid behind their cars, 

screaming, "drop it, punk!"

I took one more glance at the bleeding, faceless, 

quiet hunk

of humanity lying in the snow, staining it red,

dropped the weapon, and put my hand behind my 

head

I was immediately tackled, then shackled, and 

hauled to my feet,

then one officer took me to a patrol car, opened the 

door, saying, "have a seat."

When we got to the jail, the other cops glowered at 

my sight,

The guard said, "They'll be a lot of pissed kids, have a 

good night."

Next day, a picture of me, wearing orange, above the 

headline,

"Santa-Killer!" Well, I'll be damned, the f****r was 

real, fine!

Reviews

[Virtue Jackson]

That was funny. Happy holidays!!!!!! 'Merica

[Michael Stevens]

Thanks, Virtue, and Merry Christmas to you, also!