Lost And Found Ad

'Spew And Projectile Daily Newspaper'

"Lost cookies: last seen projectiling over the horizon on January 20th, and hasn't been seen since. Please, I'm getting weak with hunger, as I haven't been able to eat anything solid, and the thin gruel I can stomach doesn't provide much nourishment. I'd change the channel, but the cause of my spewage is literally on every station, at all times, and at all hours. Please if you've seen my lost cookies, phone [phone] immediately---reward for information leading to the safe return of said cookies."