"Today, I'm Announcing...!

Any similarity to an actual person is pretty damn hard to miss!

                                                          

"Today, I'm officially announcing that I've got a massive ego,

therefore, I'm throwing my 100-gallon hat in, don't you know,

 

into the pissing contest for president of these United States.

Now, my head may look a little funny, but that because of the incredible rate

 

my head's outgrowing my intellect--like the ad says, you

don't have to be smart, just an ego-maniac--screw

 

all you 'intellectuals', who think your smarter than

us regular Joes, it's time we took our country back again

 

from you guys--you've had more than your chance.

Never mind that I'm about as 'regular' as unleaded gasoline at a barn dance!

 

Try figuring that one out, my pea-brained supporters.

I'm proposing building a giant wall, all along our borders.

 

I'm for registering all people, oh, hell, born outside of New York,

 we'll go on a old-fashioned witch hunt, so bring that pitchfork.

 

I blame foreigners for all and everything, that way, nothing

is ever our fault-- yes, my over-inflated ego is something

 

to behold, and behold it you will, over and over,

until you're sick of my comb-over face--I'll cash in on your anger.

 

Oh, and did I mention how much money I've made?

I don't need all this hassle, but I'm more than happy to trade

 

a bunch of my time to help us out of the gutter, even though

I'm an important man, yes, I'm wealthy AND important, no

 

doubt about that, but like I said, I'll donate my valuable time,

cause it would be unfortunate, a downright crime

 

to elect any of my unworthy opponents--why buy hamburger, when

you can have steak, and I am definitely a porterhouse, I'll say it again,

 

I'm rich! Forget all about that dismal 'politically correct' bullshit.

Vote for me, and we'll put America back up where she otta sit,

 

which is on top of every other nation, cause they're all weak!

Now, if you'll excuse me, or even if you don't, I gotta take a leak!"