Love in Print Magazine

A Dear Winifred Tale

     Love in Print Dating Service; I am a lonely, hot-looking babe, looking to hook up with some man-candy.  I like moonlight walks on the beach and playing naked Twister in a vat of love oil with a lucky dude who's about to get his mind blown; if his brain is in his pants.  Unlike most other b******s on here, I'm unhappily married, but you'd have to meet my three-toed sloth of a husband to truly understand my desperation to find adventure and pleasure somewhere.  Let me put it another way; if he'd just lay there, it would be an improvement.  He just is, and even that is barely noticeable.  Please, hook me up before my batteries go dead.  Winifred

 

 

      Dear Winifred, unfortunately, we here at Love in Print Dating Service strive to weed out crank letters, and yours is a perfect example; so, we will be unable to print your letter.  We sincerely hope that you understand; editor

 

 

     Oh, I understand all right, I understand that you're a prongless wonder!  You can take your absolute joke of a dating site and sh...

 

 

     Dear madam, we're sorry if you're offended; please know that we absolutely prohibit profanity of any kind on our site; editor

 

 

     Oh, you do huh?  Well how's this for profanity?  Fu---REDACTED --you, mother--REDACTED

 

 

     Winifred, I tried to be nice and respond to your trailer-trash bulls**t of a letter, but obviously you're just a---

 

 

     John, may I see you in my office, now!   Owner

 

 

     Oh sh---editor

Reviews

[char]

I can never take that word seriously,"man-candy"; it just cracks me up whenever I hear it. 😂

[Michael Stevens]

Yeah, is it some sort of all-day sucker?

[char]

That definition seems very appropriate.

[Michael Stevens]

Ha; yeah, I thought so!

[Marie]

THis is funny.
I pity any man who had to go out with Winifred...and I pity the husband who's stuck with her.

[Michael Stevens]

Thank you, but I pity myself, as I have to write her, and believe me, she let's me know in mostly four letter words if she thinks I am not making her look good!