Guess I Can't Do ANYTHING Right!

Story of my life (not really!)

I'm the man with three left feet at the end of my legs;

 

A stone-cold deaf b*****d who doesn't hear when life begs,

 

"Please, please, get something right, for once in your life!"

 

Got fired for ineptitude, couldn't hold a wife,

 

I set out to be a winner, I really do,

 

But I can no longer fight my true

 

Nature; I'm just a downtrodden soul,

 

A bottomless pit of disaster, an idiotic dweller of a loser-hole!

 

I always set out with the best of intentions

 

Bought the game of life but mine came without directions

 

When I see a problem, instead of overcoming it,

 

I'm crushed by it like I'm a big old pile of s**t!

 

Every time I think, "Today will be the day!"

 

But every time it's always the same, I act like a fool or say

 

The exact wrong thing; make things a hundred times worse

 

I'm always exasperating the situation; but of course!

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

I understand the poem. Every time I feel I gain some ground. I fall down. Life is trickery. I plan for the worst and life is okay. I like the many situations described in the poem. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Michael Stevens]

Thank you much, and when you plan for the worst, you're seldom disappointed!

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome and right.

[Michael Stevens]

Thanks, and it's one of two things I've learned in my life; the other is to never trust myself; it usually doesn't end well!

[TL Boehm]

You are not alone. I just say, well at least I am consistent when I am always mucking up the works.
Great poem. Humorous - but it is how we feel sometimes.

[Michael Stevens]

Thank you much; and sometimes it sure seems like it!

[Frieda P]

It's about time you came upon that realization Mikey! Call Wini...quick! :) She'll know what to do with that big pile of shyte no doubt....love the self-deprecating punch.

[Michael Stevens]

Thanks Frieda; and I can guess what Wini would have to say about this, she'd say she's glad I've finally accepted myself for what I am; a LOSER!!

[Frieda P]

Nah she's not that rude. haha

[Michael Stevens]

Ha! Oh, she'd be pulling her punches!

[Frieda P]

What happened, you fire her arse?

[Michael Stevens]

Let's try that again, shall we? I WOULDN'T even try!

[Frieda P]

Ahh see, you're not a loser at all, smarter than you look lol

[Michael Stevens]

Hey, I may look like a stick; but sticks are people too!

[Frieda P]

Sure they are Mickey. ;)

[Michael Stevens]

Now you're just placating this old stick-dude!

[Frieda P]

Is that like pick-up sticks?

[Michael Stevens]

Okay, as long as you didn't say 'Pick-up Stick in the mud; hey, how about 'pick-up line Stick-Dude"?

[Lyn Anderson]

All I know is "Loser" paired with this would be priceless. I hope this is mostly tongue in cheek, but we all have those "think I will go eat worms days, don't we?"

[Michael Stevens]

Thanks KL; and I may have been exaggerating JUST a bit, I manage to get something right every now and then!

[Michael Stevens]

Maybe I misunderstood the term 'Loser". I thought it was the title of one of your writings, but I couldn't find it; see, the title of my poem is completely accurate; lol!

[Vidya Bacchus]

I agree with Marie.Winifred will have you fixed up in no time lol

[Michael Stevens]

My answer to Marie still goes!

[Vidya Bacchus]

Ha well lookie here you have a point I thought it couldn't be done :O

[Michael Stevens]

Well, looks like you were like wearing a pair of lime-green pants with a tuxedo; WRONG!

[Vidya Bacchus]

Huh????? Lime green pants are you mad?

[Michael Stevens]

Yeah, I was trying to be humorous; I save those for more informal affairs!

[Vidya Bacchus]

You know I've heard that lime green is the new black.

[Michael Stevens]

Lime green is the new black? Thank goodness, now my wardrobe is mainstream!

[Vidya Bacchus]

I thought so.You are lime crazy aren't you?

[Michael Stevens]

Lime baby! It's where it's at!

[Vidya Bacchus]

Is that where its at?No wonder I could not find it lol

[Michael Stevens]

Yeah, and I can show you where IT is; I just happen to have several hand-drawn maps for sale!

[Vidya Bacchus]

Hahahaha are they anything like your profile pic which I assume was also hand drawn?

[Michael Stevens]

Hey, lay of the Stick!

[Vidya Bacchus]

Now what would be the fun in that?

[Michael Stevens]

What the hell does 'lay of the Stick mean? Try 'lay OFF the Stick' and see if that works better!

[Vidya Bacchus]

Hahahaha oh stop it stick are trying to make sense out of nonsense?

[Michael Stevens]

Yeah, it seems I'm an expert at it; I HATE to brag, but...!

[Vidya Bacchus]

You don't like to brag??????

[Michael Stevens]

Well, I don't want to make the ordinary public feel bad!

[Vidya Bacchus]

Hahaha I understand you are quite a guy.

[Michael Stevens]

That's exactly what I say; lol!

[Vidya Bacchus]

You can really toot your own horn huh?

[Michael Stevens]

Yeah, but it's not that easy to reach; ah, ha, ha! Okay, maybe too far?

[Marie]

You need to write to Winifred; I'm sure she'd see to the heart of your problem.

[Michael Stevens]

Yeah, but I want to get BETTER!