Dear Winifred; June 2

Advice (NOT good!) column

     Dear Winifred, maybe you can help me with a problem, ...  Signed Woody

 

     Dear Woody, because your problem is so much bullshit, and reading about it would cause my readers to regurgitate their Cheerios, I had to cut your long-winded ramblings short.  Suffice it to say there is no hope for you, and an erection lasting more than four hours IS cause for concern.  I know you think it's something to brag about, but unless you can double tie a clothes line to your Johnson and air dry your laundry it ain't going to do you much good, and you should seek immediate medical help; Winifred

 

 

Reviews

[Goat]

haha, Dear Winifred never gets old! I loved how the man's anonymous name was Woody! This is so funny, great job!

[Michael Stevens]

Thank you much Goat!

[Vidya Bacchus]

Lol........she has got a point...but then so does he lol

[Michael Stevens]

He has a point alright, it's pointed at the sky!

[Vidya Bacchus]

Yes that it is.Maybe its checking the weather lol

[Marie]

Somebody took too much Viagra...

[Michael Stevens]

Yep, I'll leave it at that!

[Konigin]

O.o XD HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mikey.... You need to do stand up comedy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Michael Stevens]

Well, thank you, but I think I'll invent a new kind of comedy, as I'm too lazy to stand; sit-down comedy; woo, funny, this!

[Konigin]

haha. I would come and see you Mikey

[Michael Stevens]

Thank you, and be sure to by an "I'm with Mike, I'm With Stupid!" tee shirt at my show!

[Konigin]

hahaha I will

[Michael Stevens]

Thank you, and tell all you friends to stay away from this moron's show; I believe in telling it like it is?

[Konigin]

haha. Yeah.... But don't be too hard on yourself...

[Michael Stevens]

Hey, 'hard-on' is my middle name!

[Konigin]

eeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

[Michael Stevens]

Oh, now, I'm only kidding, my actual middle name is Ewdenpercy, no, kidding again; woo!

[Konigin]

haha!!!!! I like that "actual" middle name.... Its gotta ring to it.... :P XD

[Michael Stevens]

I thought so!

[Konigin]

hehe....... that was your first mistake...... LOL XD

[Michael Stevens]

Yeah, eh, ha, h---now, wait just a damn minute!

[Konigin]

hahahahhahahahaha! Got you!

[Michael Stevens]

Yeah, you did, but before you get to feeling too proud about it, I'll have you know that EVERYBODY gets me; I'm easy--err--to get!

[Konigin]

....... Sure..... XD

[Michael Stevens]

Contrary to what you might believe, I'm not a smart man, as Forrest Gump might say!

[Konigin]

lol. Thanks for the heads up Mikey.
So. How are you? What's new in life??????

[Konigin]

Wait.... really?

[Michael Stevens]

No, that was just my lame attempt at humor; I know I shouldn't joke about stuff like that; it's just that my brain's still in bed!

[Michael Stevens]

In fact, I decided it was in poor taste and deleted it; I'm slapping myself in the face for joking about something that's not remotely funny; 'inappropriate!"

[Konigin]

aaawwww. Yeah.... but NO slapping yourself...

[Michael Stevens]

Too late, man, I can really pack a wallop!

[Konigin]

I recommend ice

[Michael Stevens]

And waste perfectly good ice for cocktails?

[Konigin]

true..... ah, well... guess that you're SOL

[Michael Stevens]

I'm trying to figure out what SOL stand for? Solar Outhouse Lever? No?

[Konigin]

no "S**t Outta Luck"

[Michael Stevens]

Oh.....! Lol!

[Konigin]

haha!!!!!!!! Did I finally make the Great Mikey LAUGH!!!!!!????????????

[Michael Stevens]

I knew, but thought I'd be funny; (Better think again!)

[Konigin]

aaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww... Drats....

[Michael Stevens]

Sorry to disappoint you, but it takes QUITE a bit to pull the all-terrain monster truck over MY eyes!

[Michael Stevens]

Actually, it's quite easy; happens all the time!

[Konigin]

oookkkkaaayyyyyy...

[Konigin]

It thought it would be hard... ya know.... A MONSTER TRUCK

[Michael Stevens]

Yeah, that would be QUITE a trick!

[Konigin]

haha. We should try it...

[Michael Stevens]

Okay, then it's all agreed; I'll bring the monster truck, and you bring the face!

[Konigin]

haha, YOU will be bringing the face Mikey

[Michael Stevens]

And possibly mess up this unbelievably handsome face? Okay, I see now; okay!

[Konigin]

Do you? You won't after all of this is over....

[Michael Stevens]

Whoa, WHERE did that come from? Temper, temper!

[Konigin]

HAHA! Its not my temper... It was Janet.....

[Michael Stevens]

Well, Janet is ONE nasty lady!

[Konigin]

You don't know her.... She's a class A lady.... And an assassin.... BUT YOU NEVER READ THE LAST PART

[Michael Stevens]

An assassin, AND a classy lady? Sound HOT!

[Michael Stevens]

The mysterious missing S!

[Konigin]

hahahahahaha Would you like to meet Janet???? She will probably kill you... She's not all that interested in men....

[Michael Stevens]

Yeah, I know that once she gets a load of THIS guy, she'll wonder why she wasted all those years not being interested!

[Konigin]

I'm sure Mikey. You're one hell of a guy....

[Michael Stevens]

That's what I keep telling myself over and over; at least when I'm gazing lovingly in the mirror; (ralph, did I just write this s**t?)

[Konigin]

HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! XD (who's ralph????? Your bf???)

[Michael Stevens]

Oh, I'm glad you find the thought of me gut-spewing my Cheerios HILARIOUS!

[Konigin]

XD I did. :P

[Michael Stevens]

Well, I'm glad SOMEONE did!

[Konigin]

lol And I'm NOT sorry...

[Michael Stevens]

Oh, that's just fine!

[Konigin]

good! >>>)

[Michael Stevens]

Oh, that's just fine! Wait, I already said that!

[Konigin]

haha You did.... And way to NOT notice my evil face at the end...

[Michael Stevens]

Oh, is that what it is? I don't speak Computerease!

[Konigin]

haha. That's right... you speak fluent Dorkenese. I forgot....

[Michael Stevens]

Hey; how do you know that?

[Konigin]

Its obvious... mostly because I speak it too....

[Michael Stevens]

Hey, we should start an online tutoring service; we'll be RICH!

[Konigin]

We should. :)

[Michael Stevens]

Well, on second thought, it's kind of cool the have our VERY own language!

[Konigin]

true...... Waht do want coolness? or Riches?

[Michael Stevens]

Riches will require a reinforced bag of some sort!

[Konigin]

good point.....

[Michael Stevens]

I've always been good at thinking outside the bag!

[Konigin]

HA! Isn't that a fact.

[Michael Stevens]

Yep, don't hate me cause I'm brilliant! Lol!

[Konigin]

That's TOTALLY it Mikey. lol

[Michael Stevens]

What, that I'm brilliant, OR, you hate me?

[Konigin]

Mostly the brilliant.... :P

[Michael Stevens]

Correct answer; "Ding, ding, ding, ding!"

[Michael Stevens]

Hey, wait a minute, mostly?

[Konigin]

haha. Yup. Mostly.

[Michael Stevens]

Oh well, you can't win them all, or in my case, ANY!

[Konigin]

ouch. Wee bit harsh there?

[Michael Stevens]

You'd think so, but you haven't met me in person!

[Konigin]

I don't need to. You shouldn't be that harsh on yourself. Period.

[Michael Stevens]

No, in reality, I'm a WINNER; lol! I'm always trying for the cheap and easy laugh by putting myself down; I don't really feel that way!

[Konigin]

Alright. :)

[Michael Stevens]

So, we good?

[Konigin]

Yeah. We always were. :)

[Michael Stevens]

I only say that because this women on another writing site actually got mad at me for jokingly putting myself down!

[Konigin]

aaawwwwww. I was a little mad... But only because you're my friend Mikey... :)

[Michael Stevens]

I'm glad to know you're not upset with me too much, because I consider us friends, and I don't want you mad at me!

[Konigin]

XD I can never stay mad at you long. You ARE Mikey after all. And you are an irreplacable friend. :)

[Michael Stevens]

Aw, thank you, I feel the same!

[Konigin]

Wait... about you or me????

[Michael Stevens]

Oh, I'm sorry, was I feeling myself again? No, I meant you!

[Konigin]

eeeewwwwwwww. MIKEY!!!!!!!!!!!

[Michael Stevens]

Whaaattt? You don't have to look you know!

[Konigin]

I didn't!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! O.o >.

[Michael Stevens]

Oh, that's because if you didn't look fast, there's not much to see!

[Michael Stevens]

Oh-oh, bad habit strikes again!

[Konigin]

eeewwwww MIKEY!!! KNOCK IT OFF!!!!!!
lol XD

[Konigin]

hahahahahaha

[Michael Stevens]

Whoops, but it's so EASY!

[Konigin]

Like you???

[Michael Stevens]

Hey who told you? I told her to keep her mouth shut!

[Konigin]

hahahahaha Opps...